Judge — 1891 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S ANNUAL. THE CAPTIVE, Love crept with a pitiful droop of the lips To my Tnce, witch he (pressed with his pink fingertips— I turned an indifferent car to his plea. **I'm your captive," moaned he ; ** Oh, be gracious to me!" And love—helpless love—kissed my hands. 1 looked in his eyes, and I felt a strange thrill To find this wild creature a slave to my will, An instant—deft fingers had bound hand and knee. “You're my captive !"" cried he ; “Love, be gracious to me !"" And I—happy I— kissed the bands. KATHRINE GROSJEAN, SOMETHING IN A NAME, Frienp—‘ Why do you call your in- stitution ‘The Healthery’ when you have so many sick patients?” Quack poctor—“ Because I should never get a patient if I called it ‘The Sickery."” PRESSED OUT. His GeNTLe HELPMATE—" William Julius Musgrave, I understand you have been contributing to the press on ‘Is marriage a failure?’ Now, what ground did you take? in a very much muffled tone) 4 “* I-t-t-took th’ b-back-ground !"* right, and rousing officer O'Flatherty from a gentle nap, he informed him that there was a first-class murder being perpetrated at Breakup's. The policeman made a rush for the house, and arrived there just as Johanna, the ser- vant girl, came out of the base- ment door to see what the rum- pus outside was about. He rushed into the basement and up to the floor just as another scream was heard. He threw open the parlor door and stood on the threshold horrified. The ordinarily peaceful Breakup stood in the centre of the room with his left hand coiled around Matilda's tresses, while in the other he flourished a large bread- knife. “Now, then, to complete my work,” yelled Breakup, “this to thy heart!” Officer O'Flatherty didn’t wait to hear more. He made a dash for Breakup, and the next instant the old man was engaged in the astronomical amusement of see- ing stars, “Rub-a-dub” went the officer’s club on poor Break- up’s head, He yelled “murder!” MR. EDISON'S LATEST. EXeMrPr FLOOR-WALKER—"' This is better than the old scheme, Maria, even if I do have to watch the key-board,” Fan t0N ——— UTILIZATION. Now get up and brush your hair." and Matilda joined in the chorus by screaming “ murder !" also. After having been clubbed into a state of almost absolute unconsciousness, Breakup was dragged to the street by the officer, and thence to the station- house, the crowd yelling lustily, “Hang the old villain! Lynch the murderer of his child !” At the station-house all was explained to the satisfaction of the sergeant, and Breakup went home to bed, and sent for a surgeon, He thinks he will be able to be about again in about two weeks, but he has vowed a solemn vow never to try thea- tricals again, HIS TITLE. Bosny—‘ Pa, what do they call a man who has two wives?” Pa—“ A bigamist, Bobby. Bossy—“Pa, suppose he has more than two wives ; what is he then?” Pa—“A blamed fool! Now don’t bother me with any more questions.” A CHANGED MAN. Sue—* How changed Mr. Banksis. He is so moody and dreamy, and he used to pride himself on being so practical and business-like and couldn't tolerate any- body who wasn’t.” He—" Yes. He wrote and proposed to a young lady the other day on his office-paper and she declined him on a postal-card.” HIS QUALIFICATIONS. STRANGER (fo hotel-proprietor)—“ Have you a vacancy among your waiters?” OTEL-PROPRIETOR—“ Well, I don't know. I sup- pose I might make a place for a man of fine address like you. Have you ever had any experience in waiting?” STRANGER—“ Well, I should say so. I waited thir- teen years to marry a girl, and last week she married another fellow.” THE STYLE HAS CHANGED. Strancer—“ Why don’t you continue your game of ball?” i FOREMAN OF DAILY Faren—" This cut of ‘Before using Higgin’s salve’ is flattened out SMALL Bov—“ Johnny Jones has run home with the so it won't print.” Evrrok—"" Run it in on the first page and mark it ‘Mrs. Langtry in the dark’; we've got catcher’s mask, and they ain’t a bustle in the neighbor- to fill space to-day, anyhow.” hood.’ comicbooks.com