Judge — 1891 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FUNNY THINGS Four Seasons' A POETICAL IDEA OF SEUTL THE OLD, “Time slides along, ‘Squire, like a saw-log down a roll: don’t stop fer nuthin’ an’ it don’t turn out fer nuthin’, an’ the longer ye see it runnin’, the faster. b'gosh! it seems to go. But the seasons plays tag with one another now jist the same ez they did w'en we was young, though they do seem to scoot along a leetle livelier. It "pears no ez if Spring hain’t no sooner kim a skippin’ along an’, gentle ez she is, swatted ol” Winter de the jaw fer his impydence in tryin’ to lay his head in her lap an’ keep it thar’, an’ made him glad to take hisself off a hustlin’, ‘fore Summer comes a prancin’ up, sassy an’ proud eza school gal in a red jersey, an’ sets right in to make it so warm fer leetle Miss Spring that she can’t stan’ it, an’ away she goes, leavin’ all her nice, fresh, sweet-smellin’ duds fer Summer * remarked the old settler,“ It A TRAGEDY OF THE BATH. 1. Mx, Suettey—"' Here, there! Bring those clothes back !” FROM JUDGE to p'rade roun’ in, an’ to cut over an’ make up new ye hardly git used to the high-steppin’ an’ gus mer's smilin’ an’ prancin’ an’ runnin’ things ez if she was ¢ hull w'en chipper Ortum callin’ on her. “Stid o' findin’ her a P qeet 0" beauty, Ortum’ finds her unly a fadin’ an ‘overgrown slattern, but a-tryin’ hard to make out th’t she’s the same bright gal th’t pranced along so proud an’ sassy a leetle w'ile afore, an’ cheeked the bash- ful Spring outen her own. But Summer can’t pick the newcomer up fer no fool, b’gosh! an’ Ortum’, bein’ red- headed, has got a temper o her own, an’ the’ fust thing we know, her an’ Summer goes to clawin’ one another's hair, Summer gits the wust of it, an’ has to pull up an make tracks, ragged an’ bare-legged an’ all used up. Ortum' jist more'n brightens up things fer a spell, fer she's red an’ lusty, an’ dresses gay an’ lives fast. Ye hain‘t hardly got to admirin’ of her an’ her ways, though, ‘fore ol" Winter comes a-stealin’ back ag’in, an” goes to coaxin roun’ this snappy red beauty. Strong an’ grow'd-up ez she is—big enough and old ‘enough to know better—she hain’t got the kerridge even o° the young and tender Spring, an’ she don’t hustle the hoary ol’ sinner off with a ‘a in his ear, like the leetle un did, but listens to him an tarries, an’ bimeby gives herself up to him. Then the fust thing ye know her charms is gone, an’ he throws her off, an* ye hear her go moanin’ an’ moanin’ away shiverin’ in her nakedness, an’ lookin’ like a ghost. An’ 0 it goes, ‘Squire! ‘The four seasons chases one another ‘roun, year in an’ year out, all the world over, an’ we foller the trail ‘long with ‘em, drawin’ all the time nigher an’ nigher, b'gosh! to the last campin’ groun’, “On gin’ral principles, Major,” said’ the ‘Sq ‘bout right. Yer docts ‘bout the four seasons is the world over, pervidin’ ye leave out Jersey. unly two seasons in Jersey, Major—one w'en they take “yer Dod their liquor hot, an’ other wen they put ice in it.” > aw To THE SD Hore . SHELLEY (in a very much muffled tone)—'* Poor doggy—good doggy !” comicbooks.com