Judge — 1891 — page 45: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FUNNY THINGS FROM JUDGE. All gay in tennis ‘tire, a maid, With supple form and hair in‘braid, Put me in perturbation, I thought her artless, from her guise, But found her, much to my surprise, Most apt in’ disputation, She sang divinely, painted well, Could name the stars, and, strange to tell, Was quite a politician. Of art and science, cause and phase, Sports and religion, books and plays, She knew by precognition Her beauty, added to her w Made me think matrimony fit, ‘And I was fain to risk it, Until her mother one day sai, V ‘This maiden could not make a bed, Or fabricate a biscuit. IT HAD TO CROP OUT. dete SARone TINNE (at the fuir of the Nob Hill Ladies’ Progre Society)—"* I'm so much obliged to you, Mr. Winchendon. 1 social duties are so hard to perform, you know, even with the assist~ + ance of our best-blooded people. (Forgetting herself.) Ca-a-a-sh! QUIZZING A BARBER. I had been traveling for a week. So had my beard, The nearest shaving “palace” was a destination most devoutly enough boy, and ought to have turned out better, but his gift of wished, Its red-and-white guide-posts loomed up at the end of _ perennial eloquence led him to the scaffold. In an evil hour he a ten minutes’ dog-trot from the railway station. Walking into button-holed one of our most prominent neighbors and talked the capillarious spider web of Lazarus Latherem, I dropped my him to death. Conscience-stricken at the horrible result of his grip-sack in one chair and myself in another. The proprietor vocalistic attack, my poor brother fled to the land of blizzards. smiled like a West street tramp when he finds that he’s in undis- Out there in Minnesota, blowing is often fatal, but it is never turbed possession of a new five-cent nickel. Wehad met before. indicted. My brother adopted the name of Wiggins. He soon There could be no doubt of it. I mean Lazarus and myself, not cither of us and the tramp. He arrranged my spinal col- umn, and the chin and neck towels, and then spoke aloud. That is, Latherem did. It w his privilege as a boss tonsor, but I had nerved myself for the dread ordeal and tongue encounter, & Been out of the city, sir?” disgrace, both prior to and after his trial and execution ; but it can’t be helped now, my sympathetic friend! He was a likely “Far “To Minnesota and back. I've a sister-in-law, who lives there.” “Indeed !" “Precisely ! You see she is my brother's only widow. It was very sudden.” “ What was sudden, sir?” “The way my brother was taken,” “What took him, sir?” “A requisition from the Governor of the State of New York.” (The man of gall and gen- uine Windsor soap appeared to be momentarily paralyzed, but he soon recovered his wind.) “A capital crime, sir?” “Yes, murder.” meh WHY THE ELOPEMENT DID NOT COME OFF. wens eh) eee o Etcanpo—" Are you all ready, my dear?” JuLiet—"' Very nearly. I'm just waiting for Prince to come Jutir—" Can't you ease it down a little, my love?” My people keenly felt the and pass out a few little things I shall need.” comicbooks.com