Judge — 1891 — page 38: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Littte Bertiz—"' 1 know who I've caught.” Mamma—"* Who . Lirtre Berth FUNNY THINGS FROM JUDGE. THE PLEASURES OF BLIND-MAN'S-BUFF. it, dear?" It’s Mr. Twinkler. A DEADLY INSULT. Brown—“ I've challenged Green to fight a duel.” Wuitr—* That so? Brown—‘“I can’t overlook the insult he offered &) \\’ me the other day.” What’s the trouble ?” Wuite—* What did he do?” Browx—* He called me an alderman.” HIS FIRST ENGAGEMENT. He came into the office of the Western Dramatic Agency, fol- lowed by his feet, which he dragged ‘after him in the most approved heavy villain style. “Ts this the apartment wherein the Western Dramatic Agency is located ?” he began, ina voice which alternately sounded like the wind escaping through a two-inch bung hole, and a buzz saw when it strikes a nail. “You've hit it thar,” said the gentlemanly manager, as he handed his visitor a chair. “Here's where she blows, for a fact.” “And is my surmise correct when it tells me that this is the institution to which youth- ful histrions resort, when they would fain enter the lists of dramatic preferment?"” contin- ued the youth, laying his hand on his heart, “Right again, pard,” chipped in the manager, filling the ink- bottle with a badly-aimed tobacco quid. “Here's whar we yank in the kids and set ‘em in the ring in no time. What's yer specialty? Got yer bones with ye? Do tumbling or female impersonation? Let’s see yer points; sampte off yer racket.” “Sir-r-r!" said the youth, in a voice which was a good imita- tion of pounding on a store-box with a brick, “Sir! I do not HIS OPINION. Tomy (who Aas been brought in to call on the revolutionary centenarian)— .gton kiss her ?” ** Did George Washit His Morner—"* Yes, dear.” Tommy—'' Well, if he didn’t lie about it, he was a blamed fool.” I can feel his beard." (And grandma cut him out of her will.) tarry here for to be insulted. I know nothing of the rude diversions of which you speak. My studies have been on the dramatic gems of the grandest minds of all times—the Shakes- peares, the Aristophaneses, and Euripideses. It is for the pro- duction of their plays that I would fain have your help. You have asked for a sample of my quality, and though your request was but illy expressed, it. shail not pass unheeded : I will recite the combat scene from Richard.” And he did recite it. Using his umbrella for a sword and his plug bat for a helmet, he pranced around the room, broke two mirrors, a seventy-five cent toilet set, three bottles of ink, splintered the taole, mashed the office cat, and came within an ace of banging the manager's head with the umbrella handle. At last the yelling, screaming snorts and bursts of passion came to an end, as the youthful aspirant for dramatic honors sank back exhausted in a chair, with the inquiry as to whether the manager could get him a position on the strength of that! “Oh, can’t 1?” snorted the manager, as he mopped his streaming brow. “Can't I, though? ‘Uncle Tom's Cabin’ has been on the lookout for a man of your talents for the last thirty-five years, I'll put ye in to-morrow.” “*Uncle Tom’s Cabin!'" stuttered the youth, in dismay. “May I trouble you to nom- inate the capacity in which I would appear during my con- nection with that company ?” “Capacity ?” howled the man- ager, with a horrid scream. “Why, as performing jackass, or first heavy bloodhound, of course !" And he straightway seized that young man, broke the book- case and two chairs with him, and then threw him overboard through the front window on to some meat-hooks below. comicbooks.com