Judge, 1891 · page 34 of 69
Judge — 1891 — page 34: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* contains three separate humor pieces: 1. **Top narrative** (Irish dialect): An Irishman recounts encountering a skunk while pursuing game animals, mistaking it initially for a raccoon. The crude racial language reflects the era's offensive stereotypes. The joke relies on the mishap of getting sprayed and the lingering stench. 2. **"A Newport Sockdolager"** (middle): A social satire about wealthy Newport society. A British nobleman and American interact at what appears to be a horse racing venue, with comedic misunderstandings about introductions and relationships—mocking upper-class pretension and transatlantic social dynamics. 3. **Bottom vignettes**: Brief jokes about railway conductors, a con-artist's "paste recipe," and a centuries-old Japanese newspaper with delinquent subscribers. These are disconnected one-liners typical of the magazine's format. The overall tone is genteel satire targeting social climbers, immigrants, and petty schemes—characteristic of *Judge*'s middle-class readership.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
32 FUNNY THINGS FROM JUDGE. “The braze that Oi’d shtirred up as I schampered along samed offinded at me inthrusion, an’ whin Oi kem to the naygurs, may the bald hid of me grow cauliflowers ef the entire congregation didn’t give a shniff an’ floy away as if they were troyin to catch the last thrain for salvation. An’, sor, as Oi guv purshoot, an’ joggled fursht this naygur an’ thin that, a-holdin’ me nose an’ condimmin’ the arymatics all the toime, the intoire excursion train tuk the fashion an’ consaled his nose wid ivery part of his fisht there was to appropriate to the occa- sion, Oi jumped intil the fursht brook Oi shtrick, an’, after pizenin’ the same, lift me wardthrobe fhere it’d fumygate, an’ shnak- ed intil me cabin in the did o’ night. “Te was noigh a year before Oi recovered from the flavor of that axpayrince, an’ it “ Why we laugh.” was many a day afther that, so it was, that me woife an’ childther cud shpoy mea mile off be the bookay that was a long toime a conspickyous part of me personal property. They towlt me aftherwards that the coon Oi sympathoized wid was a shkoonk, an’ while Oi'll consade that sich is a betther name for a bayste wid sich imprissive c‘ractheristics, Oi'll not thrust mesilf on a coon-hunt agin for fear that ivery coon has the janius for makin’ a shkoonk of 'imself ef it shuits his convaynience to be dish- gusted wid his surroundin’s.” Pleasanter by fa’ than your debts. ‘o pay your addresses Rejected article: A man throwing his wife out of doors. A NEWPORT SOCKDOLAGER. BerxyMax—" The first time I saw her I thought she was the most ravishingly beautiful creature I ever sat eyes on, Just wait till she comes by.” Loxp Duncastor—" I say, me boy, you know what I'm over heah for. Wainrite—" Why, hang it, man ! we were talking about De Kane's bay filly. Cause—Monday. “This boy is rather large to travel on a half-ticket,” said the railroad conductor to an economic mother of a family. “Yes, possibly so, just at this moment,” she replied ; “but he was much smaller when I purchased the ticket. An ingenious individual ad- vertised that for $1 he would give a sure receipt to keep paste from freezing in the coldest weather. A number of enterprising bill - posters answered the advertisement, sending the necessary amount of money, and in return got the receipt: “Keep it ona hot stove, you blarsted fool.” A newspaper in Japan is over goo years old. “Its pro- jector is dead, and its present proprietor says that if some of the original subscribers don’t pay up pretty soon, he'll cross their names off his sub- scription books. Intwoduce me, won't you?" You can't very well marry a horse. Eflect—Tuesday. comicbooks.com