Judge — 1891 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FUNNY THINGS FROM JUDGE. LA BELLE THERESE. Never fairer flower was there ‘Than La Belle ‘Therese : Never sweeter ; nay, nor neater ; Never better : those who've met her Charmed are by her face. Grace in every movement is there Of her lithe young form ; \ Rounded is it, quite exquisite ; Limbs as supple as a couple Saplings in a storm, Y fe in the ballet is she, ‘This La Velle Therese. French? Nay, nay, sir! U've heard troublin® Her birthplace to trace. NCE Ai lore satiate ENCOURAGEMENT, AS IT IS. But alas, sir! I'm an ass, sir! . Do you think it is anything serious, doctor ?” Big and frowsy is her spouse ; he 1 icIAN—"* Nothing but a slight lesion in the muscles of your back. Teads the Cesmaa baad? Vake that medicine and you'll be all right to-morrow.” CHARLES STOKES WAYNE, What makes you walk so funny, Doc?” T've had a back-ache for three weeks.” She's rom Dublin. I'm not | | | | Itisn’t all rouge that reddens the noses of our leading citizens. Worm fruit, facetiously called chestnuts, are now plenty. The best time to eat them is as you sit in the dark with your girl. Your mind is usually on other things then, and you can't see so well, either. A temperance paper says: “Our country is swimming in a sea of rum.” It doesn't seem possible ! The editor has evidently been misinformed. If our country was swimming in such an intox- icating sea, thousands of impe- cunious inebriates would jump overboard and perish in their =~ native element—or beverage—as AFTER THE CIRCUS WAS OVER. it were, Hey, Jimmie! chuck up the dog an’ see if I kin balance him on me one foot wid me eyes shut.” A REALISTIC IDYL. I cadot sig the old sog Aboud love-time in sprig : i Tt A-ridig in my gig. But just as T was reachig ““T love—ker-chew—chew—chew—you ‘To sig way up in G, As mad ne'er loved bef ‘Thad blamed sprig idfluedza And if you'll—chew—redurn it, ‘Took a fresh hold od mes “Il—chew—love—chew—you more.” tried the sneeze to straggle— With most unspriglike codness Thad bud two lides more— __ She durned away her head : But I was quigly smothered “* Iam not fond of gum, sir, By sneezes half a score. ‘And never chew,” she said, THEY DIDN'T ELOPE IN AN OMNIBUS. DIALOGUE IN A BANK, “So A. got away with $100,000?” said a reporter to the president of the —— bank. “Yes,” responded the president, with a sigh; “but Z ‘A that is not the worst of it.” Che ip, nus “What! did he take convertible bonds besides the “ane cash?” “No, sir,” retorted the president; “the villain got away with my daughter !” “Ah! an elopement.” “Yes, by Cupid!” “Ah! murmured the reporter (a Harvard graduate) thoughtfully, “falsus in uno falsus in omnibus,” “Omnibus be smashed !" roared the president. “Om- nibus, indeed! No, sir, steam cars. Darn ‘em, they jumped on the steam cars. Only a blamed fool would elope in an omnibus, anyhow THINGS ONE WOULD RATHER HAVE LEFT UNSAID. soos youRwereg late j for, thehturkey-supperk downiat nips 4 5 Coonville last night—only got the pickin’s, I heard,” ase Soper Sty. old (lish {tas night you slapped me on the bwack when you weredwunk, said a merchant to his colored coachman. “Oh, yaas De Suitn—* Did I, me deah bhoy? Vewy sorry, ‘pon me honah, Didn't mean to. ™as'r; but a darkey’s allus ter hum wi’ de doves, you What foolish things a dwunken man does say !" know,” was the reply. comicbooks.com