Judge, 1891-12-19 · page 6 of 16
Judge — December 19, 1891 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects brief comedic sketches typical of late-19th-century American humor. Most jokes rely on wordplay and social observation rather than political satire. **Notable items:** - **"Under the Mistletoe"**: A romantic verse about a man hesitating to propose, only to have the woman flee—playing on Victorian courtship anxieties. - **"Wicked Extravagance"**: Mrs. Silas scolds her husband for using new false teeth instead of old ones—mocking conspicuous consumption and waste. - **"Worth Twice as Much"**: A parrot dealer explains a silent bird costs double—absurdist humor about paradoxical value. - **"Trouble on the Styx Ferry"**: References Charles Stewart Parnell and John Pope Hennessey (Irish political figures), suggesting their conflict caused chaos even in the afterlife—likely contemporary political commentary. The page emphasizes domestic life, courtship mishaps, and class-conscious humor typical of Judge's middle-class audience.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
640 UNDER THE MISTLETOE. E STAND beneath the mistletoe, Her dainty hand I hold in mine ; Her cheeks like holly-ber- ries glow, Her long-lashed eyes like jewels shine, I long to whisper one word low, But hesitate—oh, sad delay ! For looking down I sce her frown, And then—she runs away. v. «at. A WAY THEY HAVE. Gummey—"1 left’ my gun standing in this corner a half-hour ago, and now it isn’t here.” Gargoyle —" Was it loaded?" Gummey —" No.” Gargoyle —" Then it’s gone off. Unloaded guns always do.” A NEW SLANG PHRASE. Stranger —"So you're one of these rain-makers, eh Experimenter perimenting somewhat.” Stranger—" Do you have pret- ty good luck ? Experimenter—Well, 1 should put up an umbrella!" DIDN'T KNOW HER. pkins was at the hop the other night and I didn’t recognize her.” how was that 2” he wore a high-neck dress and I only saw her face." WICKED EXTRAVAGANCE. S4QILAS, you're the most extravagant man I know,” cried Mrs, Silas, “Eatin’ with your new teeth when the old set ‘s plenty good enough. Man o' your age ought to know better.” WORTH TWICE AS MUCH. Bloobumper — Vow is it you ask ten dollars for this parrot and only five dollars for that?” Dealer —" The ten-dollar bird can’t talk, sir.” CAUGHT AT THE FESTIVAL. Miss Warkiss —"* Chauncey Holbrook, yo's been triflin’ wiv me.” Mr. Hoteoox cross, hones’ true, I ain't.” Miss Warkiss—" How is it dat yo’ mustash done smell ob strawb'ry when T ain't partook ob nuffin’ but choc'lit ice-cream t'-night ?” HIS EXPLANATION. + YOUR marriage was the result of love at first sight, wasn’t it?” Yes,” replied the near-sighted friend, “1 never will forget that day, Only time in my life I was ever known to forget my glasses.” TROUBLE ON THE STYX FERRY. Pluto—* Why, Charon, what's the trouble? How did you get in this dreadful condition?” Charon—"1 had to ferry over Charles Stewart Parnell and John Pope Hennessey at the same time.” ON THE CONTINENT. Chicago man (to stranger)—"How are you? Nice day to-day. Where do you hail from?” A HOME-CIRCLE INSULT. oop —"* You don't seem happy, uncle. What's the matter?" MILLIKERS (soho is unfamiliar with propertics)\—"* Mat- ; . . ter ‘nough! I don't see what call that lunatic in th’ basket ’s got fer makin’ Stranger (a German prince) —" Sir, I do not hail; I reign.” faces at me jest ‘cause I'm from th’ country.” comicbooks.com