Judge — October 31, 1891 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE THE BACK SEAT. INCE the band give up its blowing And its tooting round here, w'y That old band-wagon’s ben going Every night, er pretty nigh, Till you know jest what's the matter When you see a load crammed in; Ben to dances thick as spatter, Sociables, time and agin ; Ben trimmed up with flags and things and Gone with lots 0" picnic loads ; Ben took right off from its springs and Put on runners, when the roads Was real good, the moon a-lighting Up, and hot bricks to your feet. And there's always reg'lar fighting To see whol git the back seat There's a lot o' fun a-coming Er—er—ain't nobody knowing When that old ark starts, a pile, Every little thing you d Fer the crowd ‘Il set things humming It's the same ’s if you was going So you ‘Il scent ‘em fer a mile All alone, jest her and you ; | But that back seat, if you're #7 it And you smell the hay and clover— Wal, the rest can’t see ner hear 'N the winter stars shine ga S'pose you grab her hand a minute, And you git to bending over — Er your arm gits out o' gear; Ner ¢hey can't hear what you say. ‘There's ben plenty found it handy — Now it’s Cad and me. I'm waiting Mag and Dave and George and Lide; Fer a real good likely chance ; | Gid and Rosy, Josh and — land! 1 And next week we're calculating Couldn't count ‘em if I tried. ‘To git to the Buddville dance, Fer you ain't so chicken-hearted And I'll git spunked up; and she'd! be When you've got things smooth and neat. Just as pinky-cheeked and sweet ‘There's ben sights o° matches started ‘As a June rose-bud—and we 'll be In that wore-out old back seat. Right on hand fer the back seat. SELF-CONGRATULATORY. Little Hendrick has fixed grandma's mirror with a lithographic poster. GRanpMA (consciously) —**"Taint often I look in th’ glass, but ‘pears to me I'm holdin’ my seventy-nine, goin’ on eighty, mighty well.” RAIMA A. oFPEe, A FRANK STATEMENT. VE you ever read ‘The Last of the Mohicans,” Mrs. Boodlerox?" asked the young man who had been making himself agreeable. 0," she replied ina tone of affable confidence; “I must confess that I haven’t read any of them.” LESSONS IN ETIQUETTE. How to leave a room —Open the door, place your right foot over the sill, follow it with your left foot and then close the door. How to accept an invitation for dinner — Eat a slight breakfast and no lunch. How to decline an invitation to a reception —Say you're sorry, place letter in envelope, stamp and address. Do not forget to mail it. How to make a present of flowers — Buy them. How to accept an invitation to drink —Affect a,careless air, say you fl sin “don't care if you do,” and watch the other side of the room while the AT MADAME ROUNDUPPE'S SCHOOL. liquor is being poured. This insures quantity. No mode of declining is What an exceedingly common-looking person Miss in use among society people. rsa Rapp's cousin is!" PAULINE —""'S-sh ! for mercy’s sake, ’s-sh ! He's a book-keeper in a New York candy factory, and Christmas is coming.” THE TOUGHEST PICTORIAL LIE Y) First tevckan—"' I beg your pardon for mentioning it, my dear sir, but circumstances over which I am sure you had Mrs. Runenstets —* You know dot diamont ring you gef me lasd new no contro! have resulted in your front wheel becoming locked year's, Sol?” with mine. Mr. Runenstein —"* Yase.”" SECOND TRUCKMAN—"* Will you permit me to offer an Mrs, Runes: Vich you rudder hef —dot fer a gollar-shdud, or a abject apology and to back my horse with all celerity? Acci- new necgktie ?” dents will happen, sir. Mr. Rupenstetn —‘* Vell, I dinks I take der — er — necgktie.” comicbooks.com