Judge — October 3, 1891 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

418 HUM OF THE COURT. EMARK BY ONE who grows old gracefully —“ When you say ‘the sunny side of forty you mean, of course, the years beyond the forty.” ALWAYS bear in mind, in campaign time, that your opponent has some good points, but that their discovery is unavoidably postponed till after election. E KNOW for a fact that Ferguson of the opposition ticket is a liar, because we know for a fact that within the last three months he has been a-fishing. EVEN THE SQUASHES have been a wonderful success this year. At a county fair recently we saw the largest squash ever raised, not excepting Mr. Peffer. 'HEY TELL of an old ventriloquist, who traveled with Barnum, who hasn't a cent in his pocket. So time levels all fate and fortune. Barnum hasn't, either. A DELAYED LUNCHEON. THe ov HADLRY LANpLorD —" Ji ron up stairs, quick, an’ ask your mother for th’ ‘ Home Book of Ettikett iMaty—* Whatcher wanter find ?” THE LANDLORD —"' That gent has jest asked fer some connysummay, an’ I want ter find whether it’s bird, beast, 'r jest napkin.” THE LAST NEWS from the Chicago-Cincinnati_ woman called Ava is that she cannot pos- sibly be Diss Debar. Whatever else she may be, she is entitled to con- gratulations. A WOMAN over a hundred years old has never worn a corset in her life. This may be an argu- ment against corsets, but we must remember what she has sacrificed for a quarter of a century at least by staying out of heaven. QE THING was very satis- factory in the season just gone by. The correspondents found that every lady was the belle of the place at which she sojourned, and every belle received the state- ment with implicit confidence. HIS IS “substitution.” You ask your druggist if he has John- son's “death on flies,” and he rubs his hands blithely and says, “No, but I have Jones's vermifuge for the complexion.” And really, it is im- pudence rather than substitution, Hello! what have we here, a dress reform? JUDGE HIS PREFERENCE. Waywarp Honns (from the trucks, after kicking on the floor of the car) —"'Say, friend, serve me with a fried chicken, ham omelette, some bread an’ butter, an’ a quart of Bass. I've only got a dollar an’ a half, an’ would rather blow it in fer grub than fer fare." BERTIE BURR, a graduate of a western seminary, hadn't had her sheepskin a year before she saved from drowning two ladies with whom she had gone bathing. The colleges are still closed to young women, but they are as athletic as if every door were swung open to embrace them, . REV: MR. ARNLY, Methodist clergyman of Michigan, has been chided by his congregation for driving fast horses, Is it a part of the creed of this denomination that no clergyman shall drive a horse faster than two miles an hour, and must he never, never ride a rowdy buck- board ? CIDER ENOUGH is said to have been made in eastern Pennsylvania to fill the Schuylkill river were the water to run out of the same; but all the same you can’t buy genuine cider vinegar at any country grocery if you pay a dollar a quart for it. This shows the fun there is in commercial deception. TWO DIFFERENT VIEWS. Oh, no; only a messenger boy carrying a paint comicbooks.com