Judge, 1891-10-03 · page 10 of 16
Judge — October 3, 1891 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge magazine (a satirical weekly) contains multiple satirical pieces targeting social conventions and human nature: **"An Appeal"** (poem by Emma A. Offer): Mocks advice columns that impose impossible standards on women—they must be brilliant, charming, entertaining, fashionable, yet also demure and modest. The satire celebrates rejecting these contradictory expectations to "be myself." **"A Peculiar Artist"**: Brief joke about an artist (Daubson) who sells rather than exhibits his work—satirizing the struggling artist's paradox. **"Sentences Passed by the Judge"**: Philosophical aphorisms satirizing human folly, ignorance, and hypocrisy (e.g., tears from "material causes"). **"A Bridgeport Complaint"**: Absurdist humor about an elephant unable to eat because a stable-hand unfamiliar with elephants has improperly tied it in its stall. **"Economy"** and other brief jokes: Mock domestic arguments and social pretension through wordplay and irony. The illustrations depict these scenarios with period-appropriate pen-and-ink style typical of late-19th/early-20th century American humor magazines.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
AN APPEAL. H, THE fascinating columns of gratuitous advice ‘Which bestrew our modern journals lavishly And instruct perusing maidens how to be Irresistibly attractive, charming and bewitchful ; nice Toa strange extent and startling! Oh,dear me! Brilliant we must be and clever. Ever beamy; never tame. Shed our lustre at a dazzling, ditzy rate, ‘And have ‘cuteness for a common week-day trait : Most, I gather, put the shade of De Staél to sorry ‘shame; Be profoundly entertaining—scintillate. We must be behindhand never; must be up to everything; ‘Must pursue the newest fad with zeal intense, ‘And foster the banjo and such instruments, And paint on divers things and act and elocute and sing And walk and drive and ride and bow! and fence. ‘Yet must we be sweetly winning. yea, and ¢ Must be tactful. we are warned ; rust cul A coy reserve if we would fascinate Must be sly and soft and shy and saccharine, an’ we would thrall, ‘Must be other things too numerous to state. spect withal ; te Oh, the fascinating columns! But, reflecting, I have had mise a grave, increasing fear ‘That if I should labor and should persevere And should follow these directions, what an object strange and sad— ‘What a doll, unpleasant freak would I appear. Let the sterner sex disdain me, aye, and lay me on the shelf; Let them treat me with indifference and scorn ; Let me be a solitary thing forlorn : T mast yet proclaim with boldness that I'm going to be myself— Be the uncompounded person I was born. EMMA A. OFFER, i = A PECULIAR ARTIST. Lapy Friexp—"T go regularly to the American Artists’ Exhibition, the Metropolitan Museum,the Academy—in fact, to all the exhibitions, Mr. Daubson; but I never see any of your pictures anywhere, What do you do with them?" Davnsox —""I seil them.” SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. T IS well to be dethroned before one has done anything to deserve de- thronement. Denial is based on ignorance. To the informed mind possibilities are unlimited. There is a brand of hum usually accompanies. Enough discomfort may be gotten out of almost any proposition to meet the absolute necessities of life. . Tears alleged to flow from material causes occasion no discomfort- able surprise among the materialists. As birds traverse the air and poets speak in rhyme and rhythm, so Nature performs her daily acts in miracles. The silent man may be a reservoir of experienced knowledge, but the world will be no wiser for having him in its midst. more offensive than the arrogance it RATHOINE GROSJRAN. NO WONDER THEY FIT. + ¢HOW did Harkins get ina fight with that Philadelphia man at As- bury Park?” Zach caught the other kodaking his wife in her bathing-suit.” A BRIDGEPORT COMPLAINT. Tue cirarrr —'* Why those sobs, Rufus?” Tue ELEPHANT —"* Brennigan, the new stable-hand, never saw one of me before, and I can’t get anything to eat the way he’s led me into the stall."" ECONOMY. se YOU are getting extravagant,” remarked Mr. Trotter as his wife drove home in a cab. “No, my dear,” she answered; “it was a matter of economy. I was made late by waiting half an hour for two cents change.” BUSINESS-LIKE HEROIS) Miss Hockneimer —" Vat vill mommer say? Mein dress is spoilt.” Loenstein —" Here vas some readin’-matter vhile I pushes you on to der beach, A HAPPY MEDIUM. REASONABLE, ‘ePILLSBURY isn’t as - “TI black as he is painted.” “That's true; but neither is he as white as he is washed.”” : curs T many have known, instinct or reason ‘That animals own? Of dogs that were thin WAITING FOR A DROP. Appearance, during the past two days, of our back yard and the last peach of the season. =. z gS - 5 a ° > a « < WILL Hav comicbooks.com