Judge, 1891-09-19 · page 5 of 16
Judge — September 19, 1891 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple humorous short pieces typical of Judge's satirical format: **"An Autumn Wooing"** is a sentimental poem about bird courtship, where a male bird's romantic advances are rejected until autumn's cold forces the female to accept him—a mild commentary on how hardship drives compromise in relationships. **"The Name Is Against Him"** satirizes banking institutions' suspicion of virtue. A job applicant is rejected specifically *because* he's known as "Honest Dick"—the joke being that banks apparently prefer less scrupulous employees, mocking corporate hypocrisy about morality. **"A Warning"** and other brief comedic dialogues mock contemporary concerns (violin-playing husbands, dialect humor, office management). **"Sentences Passed by the Judge"** presents pseudo-philosophical observations that are either contradictory or absurdly obvious—satirizing pretentious moralizing. **"Wiped Out of Business"** depicts a museum owner whose business collapses when his attractions (bearded woman, tattooed man, glass-eater) disappear through elopement, arrest, and medical change—mocking carnival/sideshow culture. The page reflects turn-of-century American attitudes, including casual ethnic dialect humor and skepticism toward institutions.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
AN AUTUMN WOOING, TIMID litte lover of a bird Sat singing on his perch toward eventime : “Oh, list and fly with me to some fair clime Where never wintry wail or blast is heard ! Dear lady wren, by my true love be stirred.”” She chippered low, ‘I have not reached my prime. Tam too young to love ; the summer's chime Is still too sweet for me to heed your word.” ‘That night a spirit touched each leaf and flower, And cast a chill through all the autumn wood ; ‘And early in the frosty morning hour Two shivering birdies on a bare branch stood. T heard her give consent to leave her bower And fly with him, as any wise bird should. MARY A. IASON. THE NAME IS AGAINST HIM. ‘THIS young man,” said a gentleman who was urgifig a claim for a situation in a bank, “is so trustworthy that his companions call him ‘Honest Dick.’ “Then I don't want him,” replied the bank president with a shudder. A WARNING. Trotter —* Was your husband's death sudden Widow —" Very. He was just learning to play on the violin, Bowery Joz—"* By thunder, Tooley! I didn't know yer. and" Easr-sipe Toovey—" I'm an unfortunit ertter, Jor. My brother ‘come “ ore i on from Californy this mornin’ an’ fitted me out complete, right on top o' my Trotter —" Ab, | see—and the neighbors objected. Cite! Gat black eye’ las’ night? THE OFFICE-BOY EDITS. 46] HAVE here an article on ‘The Style of Rudyard Kip- ling,’ said the young lady. “Don’t want it,” returned the office-boy. on his lack of it and she goes.” DIFFERENTLY EXPRESSED. Sue—"I'm afraid our anti-slang society is on its In Amy—*Yes; 1 too fear that the organization is but feebly supported by its subsequent limbs.” HIS FIRS CAMP. Mx. New (formerly morning clerk at Lacy’s)—"* There goes that blamed alarm-clock.” SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. H°! is the phoenix of despair. The welcome guest is the invited guest. Charlatanism keeps pace with civilization. Destruction is the first step toward progress. ‘To rule is a divine prerogative, and belongs only to love. A whisper in a country town finds echo in its farthest limits. ‘Truth is an abstraction, an infinity, and we delve at it with picks and spades. There are certain laws made by certain individuals to be obeyed by certain other dividuals. Athing more difficult than to be eco- nomical is always to have a plenty with which to economize. The wisdom that contends with igno- rance in the form of denial is half folly. If a man deny his own soul why seek to convince him of its existence? WIPED OUT OF BUSINESS. Man has been called a little universe. MCGARRIGLE up 1t's all up with. me; ole mans = Houssterr What's th’ trouble?” His laws change too often to make the spir- McGarrict ‘ou know th’ museum ketched fire an’ I lost all my curios.” itual ruler thereof anything more than a Hounstetrer —"* Yes.” micro-deity hedged about with all the un- McGarricLe—"* Well, then th’ bearded woman an’ th’ tattooed man‘eloped, th’ fat eS . woman licked th’ glass-eater an’ got arrested, an’ now comes th’ last straw.” certainties imposed by humanity. HOUNSTETHREEaWhate entre KATHRINE. GROSTRAN. McGarkicte —" Th’ livin’ skel’ton 's fattin’ up comicbooks.com |