Judge, 1891-09-12 · page 6 of 16
Judge — September 12, 1891 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short satirical pieces typical of Judge magazine's social commentary: **"Change of Ownership"** jokes that after a baby is born, the nurse effectively controls the household—a dig at domestic power dynamics. **"The Judge's Dictionary"** offers sardonic definitions of common concepts (distance, variety, loving), mocking human nature and pretension. **"A Staggerer"** and **"Disheartening"** lampoon incompetence: a tone-deaf opera singer and a district attorney whose painstaking murder case becomes pointless when someone else confesses. **"A Logical Conclusion"** satirizes superficial reasoning about female candidates. **"No Trouble Apprehended"** ironically suggests that hiring expensive lawyers to write a will ensures it will be successfully challenged. **"Now He's Gone to Europe with a Tutor"** appears to mock class-conscious social climbing and pretentious affectation among the wealthy. The cartoons emphasize domestic absurdities, professional frustrations, and social hypocrisy typical of Gilded Age satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE 372 CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP. SUARE, you the owner of this house, Jones?” “Twas before the baby was born. Iam under the impression the nurse owns it now.” THE JUDGE’S DICTIONARY. Blind eyes—Those left undotted by the writer. Distance—The space represented between two unsympathetic minds. Surprise—The sensation experienced when the only thing possible comes to pass. Léving—A habit of which the soul tries to break itself about once in every three-score years and ten. Photographer—The man whose instrument stares you out of countenance and makes a note of the vacuum. Variety—A condiment whose abuse produces the disease characterized by “ I've-seen-it-all-and-it's-not-worth-mentioning.” KATHRINE GROSJEAN, A STAGGERER. TuRoaty TeNoR—" I—ah—cannot—ah—sing the old songs.” Loup wisrer (from audience) —** You never could !" Stas District ATTORNEY (disgustedly) —"* Well, this job sickens me. I'm going to hand in my resignation at once.” Frienp —“* Why, what's the matter?” District ATTORNEY —"* Well, here I've worked night and day on this murder case, and had just succeeded in getting such a com- plete chain of evidence that any jury would have convicted the ac- cused without leaving the jury-box, when along comes a substantiated confession from a man who has just died in the penitentiary that he committed the murder, and my six months’ hard work goes for nothing." A LOGICAL CONCLUSION. ++ MISS CHINNINGS is candidate for secretary in our so- ciety,” said the lady with dark glasses, “and she is sure of being clected. “Aren't you afraid of a dark horse?” suggested her hus- band. “Oh, no; not a bit of it. hair.” You see, Miss Chinnings has red NO TROUBLE APPREHENDED. Lawyer —"1 don’t think you'll have any trouble breaking the will ?* Disinkerited relative—" What makes you so confident?” Lawyer —" Well, he had ten of the smartest lawyers in the city draw it up for him.” NOW HE'S GONE TO EUROPE WITH A TUTOR Kwicknock (strolling down the avenue with a Casino fairy, meets his mother) —"* Mother, I want you to know Miss—ahem !—Miss Keegar—Miss Keegar of the Baltimore Keegars, you know." marm.” Miss Krrry Kicker (indignantly) —"* Say, Johnnie, Hi ain't a-goin’ back on Lunnon t' keep your fam'ly heasy, Kate Kicker, Halambra, at your service, comicbooks.com