Judge — September 12, 1891 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE 372 CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP. SUARE, you the owner of this house, Jones?” “Twas before the baby was born. Iam under the impression the nurse owns it now.” THE JUDGE’S DICTIONARY. Blind eyes—Those left undotted by the writer. Distance—The space represented between two unsympathetic minds. Surprise—The sensation experienced when the only thing possible comes to pass. Léving—A habit of which the soul tries to break itself about once in every three-score years and ten. Photographer—The man whose instrument stares you out of countenance and makes a note of the vacuum. Variety—A condiment whose abuse produces the disease characterized by “ I've-seen-it-all-and-it's-not-worth-mentioning.” KATHRINE GROSJEAN, A STAGGERER. TuRoaty TeNoR—" I—ah—cannot—ah—sing the old songs.” Loup wisrer (from audience) —** You never could !" Stas District ATTORNEY (disgustedly) —"* Well, this job sickens me. I'm going to hand in my resignation at once.” Frienp —“* Why, what's the matter?” District ATTORNEY —"* Well, here I've worked night and day on this murder case, and had just succeeded in getting such a com- plete chain of evidence that any jury would have convicted the ac- cused without leaving the jury-box, when along comes a substantiated confession from a man who has just died in the penitentiary that he committed the murder, and my six months’ hard work goes for nothing." A LOGICAL CONCLUSION. ++ MISS CHINNINGS is candidate for secretary in our so- ciety,” said the lady with dark glasses, “and she is sure of being clected. “Aren't you afraid of a dark horse?” suggested her hus- band. “Oh, no; not a bit of it. hair.” You see, Miss Chinnings has red NO TROUBLE APPREHENDED. Lawyer —"1 don’t think you'll have any trouble breaking the will ?* Disinkerited relative—" What makes you so confident?” Lawyer —" Well, he had ten of the smartest lawyers in the city draw it up for him.” NOW HE'S GONE TO EUROPE WITH A TUTOR Kwicknock (strolling down the avenue with a Casino fairy, meets his mother) —"* Mother, I want you to know Miss—ahem !—Miss Keegar—Miss Keegar of the Baltimore Keegars, you know." marm.” Miss Krrry Kicker (indignantly) —"* Say, Johnnie, Hi ain't a-goin’ back on Lunnon t' keep your fam'ly heasy, Kate Kicker, Halambra, at your service, comicbooks.com