Judge — September 5, 1891 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CARL PRETZEL'S PHILOS@PHY, Der key to Mister Darwin's deory vas a mon-key, und dot vas a-parent to efery one. Dis vorldt vas said to been a refolver, but dot ting oney shoots der shtoopid und lazy fellers. It vas for true dot sometimes merit vas lif in a lone- some places, und cheek und presoomption vas get der atmiration of der vorldt. Mrs, Wixstow’s Sooriinc Syrup for Children Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all alee: ‘cures wind colic and diarrhoea, 25 cents a Adam —" Where shall we go to spend the summer, my dear?" Eve—'*I don't care about going anywhere. U haven't a thing to wear.” Adam —** Then we'll go to the seasi ‘Chicago Tribune, ‘When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria, When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria. When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria. When she had Children, she gave them Castoria, Mrs, Fourundred —"* Count, let me introduce you to Mr. Scadds, the owner of our greatest rolling-mill plant.” Count—'*Ah, I am glad to have ze plaisir of meeting so distinguished a botanist."—Wew York Tele- gram, g; and it shall be the purpose of my life to surround you with every comfort and to an- ticipate and gratify your every wish.” She—" How good of you, Harry! And all on twelve dollars a week too!"—Boston Transcript. He—" Yes, da Blushing girl—"'Yes, Dick; keeping.” Young bagg. Er—want a check for it y heart is in your My own darling! —Chicago Tribune. BROTHERS’ MATCHLESS ) Bouguer (iGaR On gale ‘at all Popular Clubs, Cafes, Hotels, ‘AND DEALERS GENERALLY, FOSTER, HILSON & CO., Makers, Cor. 39th Bt. and First Avenue, New York, P.S.—If your dealer does not keep them order direct of us, am. AVacation Trip Poa vay ROCKIES. ‘Tux Curcaag. Roce Istaxp & Pactric R'y ‘through Car Vestibuled trains from. for’co} steer ee es 4 Places, No. DY OF % Colorado, Cities ana Places, SECURE YOUR ry aoe GREAT ROOK ISLAND ROUTE. E.8T:JOHN, JNO. SEBASTIAN, | %, THe BARKER BRAND mer LINEN, COLLARS ILL TELY BEST. WILLIAM BARKER, WFR, TROY, N.Y.! Ina recent issue of Juvce. there was a satirical para- graph about the man who had been a guest at a certain summer-resort hotel the season before, and who had just applied for a position as waiter, in order that he might get back some of the money he had given away in “tips.” ‘This matter of feeing waiters has long ago ceased to be a joke with summer tourists. It is quite enough for an ordinary pocket-book to pay for the nec- essaries at a reputable summer hotel, without having yy such omnipresent extras as waiters’ fees. society for the prevention of the feeing of waiters, if it could be formed, would be the strongest, in point of numbers, of. any society in this country. ‘The officers of,every branch should be hotel proprietors. — Saratege ews. Van Hout Best & Goes Farthest.” Charles Leonard, a burglar, broke into a New York saloon, and before opening ‘the safe sat down and smoked a couple of cigars from the case on the bar. Soon after a policeman found him sick and helpless on the floor. Any man who has smoked an ordinary saloon cigar will admire the burglar's courage while denounc- ing his indiscretion. —S/. Paul Pioneer Press. “How are you getting on with the piano.” Alphonso of ‘his best-beloved Matilda, “Oh, very well progress in my work." "* How is that Well, the family that lived next door moved away within a week after I began to practice. ‘The next people stayed a month, the next ten weeks, and the family there now have remained nearly six months."— Yankee Blade, asked Husband —"* What the deuce is the matter?” Ske— “My bathing-dress won't go on.” //usband—‘* Well, carry it on your arm, It_makes no difference here at Narragansett." —Smith, Gray & Co.'s Monthly, ‘St, Peter—* Ticket, ple Sorry, but I've lost mine. Peter —* Well, please state your claims for admi Nevwly-arrived spirit (modestly) —"' I never expressed annoyance at a wom- an’s high bonnet in a theatre.” St. Peter —"' Here's a Newly-arrived spirit— check for a box-seat."—Pitisburg Bulletin. “PILLSBURY'S BEST” FLOUR Than any other Flour Manufactured. FOR SHE BY ALL FIRST-CLASS GROCERS, Enraged customer (rushing wildly into the drug-store) y, this scalp lotion has taken all the hair out of my head, I've a great mind to sue you for damages.” Druggist (coolly) —‘* You couldn't collect damages, my dear sir, for I have witnesses to prove that I simply told you the lotion would preserve your scalp, and your scalp is all there." —Pharmaccutical Eta. BOKER'S NITTERS since 1828 acknowledged to be by far the best and finest Stomach Bitters made, wheth- er taken pure or with wines or liquors or other cordials, Oh, Jerry Rusk, oh, Jerry Rusk, what have we done to you That you should prove so treacherous, vindictive and untrue? < We treated you politely when you passed a day with us; We overlooked your politics and never raised a fuss; We gave a weather order for the sort that suits us well. We wanted the Alaska kind, and now you give us— ninety-three degrees in'the shade. —Chicago Globe, NEW KODAKS. “You press the button, we do the rest.” SEVEN NEW STYLES AND SIZES, ALL LOADED WITH ° TRANSPARENT FILMS. For Sale by all Photo, Stock Dealers. THE EASTMAN COMPANY, Send for Catalogue ROCHESTER, N. Y. ug ‘Bstanuisnen 1810, 2 reaiol $; Cas PURE RYE WHISKY. Distillery, Broad Ford, Fayette Co., Pa. General Office, PITTSBURG, PA. STEPHEN FE aaa & SON ORS ano SOLE MANS. “= PHILADELPHIA. AFTER SHAVIN HEALING COOLING BATHE THE — FACE WITH POND’S EXTRACT. DOES NOT SMART NOR STING. REDUCES REDNESS, CHECKS BLEEDING. INFLAMMATION, JUST AS IT REDUCES ANY IT SENDS BACK THE BLOOD WHICH THE RASPING OF THE RAZOR HAS DRAWN NEAR THE SURFACE, SO LEAVES THE FACE WHITE, SOFT AND SMOOTH, WITHOUT THE SHININESS. CAUSED BY OTHER LOTIONS. FOR THIS PURPOSE FAR SUPERIOR TO BAY RUM, COLOGNE OR PER- FUMED WATER. BEST BARBERS USE IT. YOU HAVE A BOTTLE.. WHY DON’T YOU TRY IT? WHEN PURCHASING, ACCEPT POND’S EXTRACT ONLY. REFUSE SUBSTITUTES, PROBABLY WORTHLESS. POND’S EXTRACT CO., NEW YORK AND LONDON, Write Lewis G, Tewksbury, Banker and Broker, 90 Broadway, N.Y,, to send his circular, : | comicbooks.com