Judge — August 15, 1891 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. HERE are some petty acts that stand longer in the catalogue of unforgiven transgressions than any of the cardinal sins. It is surprising to learn, as one does by degrees, how few slights of friend or fate, or ill turns of fort- une, are really worth minding after all. Weaving cobwebs is a pleasant occupation for an idle hour, but you will find it more disastrous work if you attempt to clothe your nakedness with them instead of with true cloth. Blocks cut at contrary angles are not economizers of space, and when the all-wise Creator made this world so large he must have had in view the conflicting elements to be packed in it. To receive a disappointment with closed lips, a steady bearing and an unruffled temper is an art worth some practice to acquire; for its possession will do frequent service as long as one has need of arts. The most acceptable act of death is his sweep of that sponge which, dipped in the waters of lethe, blots out a name with all its acquirements, transforming a presence into an idea, which, fading, leaves in turn a gracious and grateful nothingness. KATHRINE GROSJEAX. A POSSIBLE CALAMITY. CALENDER JONES (stepping out the door after a heavy night shower) —"* declare! Ef dem watahmelungs mus'n' a’ bus‘ in de night an’ flood de patch ! That indulgence in intellectual excitement confers as much enjoyment as the consumption of a good dinner. ‘That the nervous man has any preference as between a wind orches- tra and a brass band. That the person is living who thinks himself or herself appreciated at his or her true worth. : ‘That a man on the grand-stand enjoys a game of ball as much’as the youngster who sees it through a hole in the fence. That there is any combination of words that can transcend the almighty dollar in power. (In other words, “ Put up or shut up.”) USED TO VILE ODORS. ‘4 ]S THE smoke of this cigarette offensive to you, sir?” “Oh, no, I live at Hunter's point.” HER WAY OF SAYING IT. . ‘| PUT in a month at Long beach one season,” remarked Miss Bleecker ot New York. “Linserted several weeks there myself a year or two ago,” replied Miss Emerson of Boston. MIS LOAD—1. Mrs. Grayit Thomas. We're almost starved.” Mr. GRavL “I reckon you must have made some lead sandwiches. I can just lift the basket. Phew ! POPULAR FALLACIES. HAT physicians kill more microbes than people. That all chorus-girls tread the primrose path of dalliance. That the lover of poetry does not require three meals a day. That policemen with the greatest chest measurement make the best officers. That a man with a mole on his cheek never possesses a love for the beautiful That a man may make his way on the strength of his phrenological a development. That the mere possession of an orotund voice will aid one in getting a cheque cashed. That an actor isa good pedes- trian just because he happens to be a“ walking gent.” That there’s anything as eye- filling as a journey to Coney island behind a spooney couple. That the sight of a lovely woman thrills a man half as much as the sight of a fifty-dollar bill. : That you can borrow ten dol- ne lars from a person by declaring that Lirtie Expriner, (as the procession halts) —"' Bulger McAnnis wanted your ancestors came over on the aaa t' come, an’ I thought I'd rather have some one to play with than eat, so L CAUGHT RED-HANDED, Mayflower. : swapped th’ grub for him.” comicbooks.com |