Judge, 1891-07-25 · page 5 of 20
Judge — July 25, 1891 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains satirical humor typical of late 19th-century American magazines. **"A Philadelphia Romance"** mocks melodramatic domestic disputes. A husband appears drunk; his wife condemns him morally. The twist: the "brown liquid" is actually Philadelphia's contaminated tap water from the Schuylkill River—a real contemporary problem. The satire targets both marital dramatics and the city's notoriously poor water quality. **"Some Possible Titles of Future Books"** lists humorous fake book titles by prominent figures of the era (James G. Blaine, John L. Sullivan, General Butler, etc.), suggesting ironic or contradictory autobiographies—a standard satirical format poking fun at public personalities. **"A Good Little Boy"** presents a darker joke: a child isn't cruel to animals himself but profits by providing materials for other boys to be cruel—commentary on indirect complicity or moral hypocrisy. **"Appearances Were Deceptive"** illustrates Mr. Brown, presented publicly as pious (church attendance with Bible), but the caption reveals his wife's private relief—implying he's unbearable at home despite his respectable facade. The illustrations throughout use exaggerated facial expressions typical of period cartooning.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SIX PHASES OF THE SON DURING A TRANSIT OF VENUS. JUDGE A PHILADELPHIA ROMANCE, (This is somewhat short for a romance, but by reading it with genuine Phila- delphian alacrity an evening can easily be spent in the perusal of the same.) oe JOHNS cried the fond wife, “come here to me. You have been drinking !* “Oh, n-no! n-n-o!” “"Sh! Do not deceive me. To think, after my sitting up night after night to read tracts to you, that you should stoop to this.” “I—I—I"- “No; do not speak.” “ Mary!" shricked the wretched man. “John, don’t call me Mary with such a breath. . Call me by my maiden name, Miss Chetwynd. iss Chetwynd, I will tell you all!” he screamed. I know it all!” yelled she of the maiden name. “You do not, and do not you forget it,” reiterated the husband of Miss Chetwynd. “The brown liquid in the glass "—— “Which I saw you drink—do not deny it.” “Is only water,” he continued. “Behold!” And turning on the faucet a brown liquid gushed forth, revealing the fact that it had rained in Philadelphia, and that the Schuylkill river was stirred up and full of mud. “Look there!” said he. “ Ah, there!" quoth she. * [Tableau] "Ab, there!” reached Philadelphia a few weeks ago, and is now used in con- junction with * White wings” upon the slightest provocation. SOME POSSIBLE TITLES OF FUTURE BOOKS. ¢ VAT I know about being President,” by Hon. James G. Blaine. “Choosing the Bride.” A romance. By General John Schofield. “A Lifetime Maiden,” by Susan B, An- thony. “The Problem of Rapid Transit in New York,” by a messenger boy. “Explorations in Long Island,” by Aus- tin Corbin, : “ Reveries by the Hudson at Sing Sing.” by F. Ward. “The Truth about Those Spoons,” by General B. F. Butler. “Climbing the North Pole," by Lieu- tenant Peary. “My Career as a Dramatist,” by Bill Nye. “Tentative Sobriety,” by John L. Sul- livan. “Base-ball as a Bread-winner,” by A. Anson. “How to Re-upholster Old Jokes,” by Marshall P. Wilder. “Free Lunch Memories,” by James Owen O'Connor. AM. LAIDLAW, Ji LKON MAD. A PROBABLE SOLUTION. METHINKS some elfins masquerade As Cupid during summer's reign ; For summer loves in autumn fade, And never leave a bit of pain. Does Cupid in the city stay To cheer the workers’ weary hearts, And send his counterfeits away To practice with their blunted darts? PLAVEL SCOTT MINES, A GOOD LITTLE BOY. Woman —* Bobby, you never tied a tin can to a dog’s tail, did you?” Bobby —“ No, ina'am.” Woman—*\ knew that a little boy with as good a look as you have would never do such a thing.” Bobby —“ No, ma'am; I jes gits the can and the string for the boys. return home. is! 253 APPEARANCES WERE DECEPTIVE, Everybody said, “* What a good man Mr. Brown He walks to church every Sunday morning with his bible under his arm,” But everybody did not know how pleased Mrs. Brown always was on his comicbooks.com