Judge — July 18, 1891 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE YE TENNIS MAYDE. WITH the dainty ribboned racket in her hand Like a figure on a bracket see her stand, Sash and knitted cap of yellow—tilted nose ; Mouth reminding to a fellow of a rose. Wind-blown hair so brown and curly—face of tan, Air intensely girly-girly. Any man Who would see her would adore her eyes of blue, Gazing laughingly before her—wouldn’t you? In her hammock, sitken-tasseled, she'll repose ; And you'll sit there razzle-dazzled. Ah! she knows Just how far to show her stocking very well, But she'll blush and cry *‘ how shocking !" if you tell. How to dive and swim you'll show her in a trice, And you'll find it, when you know her, rather nice. Her blue eyes will flash a menace—but ‘tis writ That she cannot play at tennis—not a bit ! Still she beats all girl creation at love's game, And she'll reach her destination just the same. DISINTERESTED ADVICE. «4 OW, waiter,” said a new customer in an cating-house where he was more than doubtful regarding the quality of the fare, “here's something for you in advance. Now,” looking over the list of dishes, * what would you advise ?” sa sna %s : NO HURRY ABOUT IT. Wailer, (conbdeatially) 5 Another restansane Missionary —''I have come here, brethren, to devote my life to you. CANNIBAL CiiteF —** All right; thanks, But we'll wait a while until you are a little fatter.” A NEW REASON. LITTLE Miss Fanny is propounding certain conundrums to her doll, apropos to her last Sunday-school lesson. ‘ow, dolly, why were Adam and Eve driven from the garden of Eden for eating an apple?” “Because,” replies Miss Fanny, in answer to her own question, “they hadn't got as far as the dessert yet.” MORE PLACES FOR HIM. HE list of situations offered to ex-Senator Ingalls, as reported in the newspapers from day to day, might be considerably lengthened by a little judicious fictionizing, and the offers would be just as trustworthy, too. For instance : He has been offered the job of editor-in-chief and general manager of Rutherford B. Hayes's iennery at a salary of seven hundred and twenty dollars per annum. He has been tendered the post of private secretary to Susan B. Anthony at an annual stipend of seventy-five thousand dollars. The situation of king of Bulgaria has been offered to him at three thousand dollars a year, he to have the throne upholstered at his own expense. Negotiations have been under way for some time looking to his acceptance of the arduous duties of circulation affidavit editor of the New York Datly Howler. It is understood that the salary will be fifteen thousand dollars. g He has been offered twenty thousand dollars by a well-known publisher for a book = ; on “ Purity in Politics; or, What I Know About Iridescent Dreaming.” SU STeR CH “puNTON'S au iagism he can accept the editorship of the puzzle department of a Boston enteen dol- lars a week, A well-known lecture-manager has offered him two hundred dollars a lecture for seventy-five lectures on “ How it Feels to be Buried Alive.” Perhaps the only situation which has not been offered to Mr. Ingalls lately is that of United States senator. “SUM” ILLUSTRATIONS. SILLA sex KY SIVETER. ALMOST A PROPOSAL. D® You know, Mr. Dolley." said Amy, “I have joined the King’s Daughters ?” “Indeed ?" replied Dolley, with a glance of admiration at the fair young girl “{ wouldn't mind joining one of them myself.” AN OVERSIGHT. Customer —.ook here! 1 brought in thirteen collars the other day and you returned only seven. This is an outrage.” Laundry:an (proudly drawing himself up) —* You evidently forget, sir, that thirteen is an unlucky number.” NO. COMPASSION. Stranger —" Can't you help a poor man, mister? _1 have been burned out twice, flooded out three times and am now on my way to St. Louis.” : h s Ber oN : eae Chicago man —" You have indeed been unfortunate, but I can do noth- gottary'! sade thet th ould pooman's been shakin’ thor Jaroynase weakest ing for a man who will deliberately go to St. Louis.” rug out th’ windy wanst more.” comicbooks.com