Judge — July 18, 1891 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. Brewwanp Gittas. 1M, Gencony, Auditor FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS $3 a year THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (JuncE Bur.ninc), Cor. Fifth Ave. and 16th St., New York 87 We guarantee advertiters a larger circulation at cheaper rates than any other American satirical paper published. The J Brentano's. 17 Ave! Nevwspa ine William street, American Exch Germany and by Cable address —* JUDGRAWS AN? THE MONKEY said to the Pennsylvania politicians, “ Come off !" HOLLAND, which is habitually taken by the Dutch, was recently eapt- ured by the kaiser. EVERYBODY has his favorite, but nobody seems to remark that B. Harrison hasn't made a first-rate president. DEMOCRATIC PLANK—If there is Americar: tin plate the Demo- cratic party is lost and the country is, ruined. F A SLOW MAN—His chief business is to make prepara tion to do things that have already occurred. . ATE F charged with gushing over Gordon-Cum- ming. We know better than that, because G.-C. Hiasn’t been drowned. F MR. BLAINE were to run for president the Democrats would be so convinced of his good health that they would lose theirs in its entirety. ERAL BUTLER should not have written a book. His sentences are so clumsi'y con- structed that his enemies are tickled half to death. VistTor TO THE an eagle on the lecturn. Rev, Mr, Rivers influence, the Buffalo Engu Particularly so, now we think of it, upon the person who suf- fers from it. BABE fell out of an elevated train and was rescued alive and laugh- ins ¢!" remarked Superintendent Hain; “‘it is the safest road in the world, E ARE PAINED to observe that Jones looks upon Hill as a dictator. He doesn’t say so, but his remarks hit that conclusion smack between the eyes. PROBABLY the ablest fish-liar is W. J. Florence, but we must remem- ber that the reporters who follow Mr. Blaine have never had any fishing experience. S PRINCE G = is over six feet high there is really no good reason why the Jap who tried to kill his imperial cousin should have survived the experiment. ROSE COGHLAN is learning to ride a horse with a foot in each stir- rup, and has got so far in the experiment as to occasionally mount with her face to the bridle. O SOONER had there been a change in the weather bureau than there came a gentle and refreshing rain. ‘This shows the excellent effect of frequent changes in office. ING THE CHURCH ATTRACTIVE. ILLE CHURCH —"'I thought they usually had it —"" Dey does sometimes, sah; but I done thunk TH EXERTS a subtle — dat yer would ‘peal mo’ t’ mah congergasion, so I had ‘m made t' ordah.” A WESTERN EDITOR tells of a girl baby in West Virginia born with two tongues. Evidently doesn’t know, the stupid fellow! that all girl babies are ‘born that way. JOHN BARDSLEY is a safer man in state-prison than out of it. He is a dangerous man to have around. The rascal's liberty might endan- ger some portions of the very structure of society. cee HE FRIENDS of Mr. Parnell say that gentleman as a family man is perfectly happy. Why! Mr. Parnell has been a family man a long time. The only difference is that now he has his own family. eee ‘THE BOODLERS who wanted pay for their skulking in Canada some- how remind us of the late J. Iscariot, who thought of presenting a bill for a little matter of osculation the thirty pieces in payment of which were already in his yawning pocket. 7 sie 6 ‘THE PROPOSITION of the Evening Telegram that the money spent for powder in July be used to build roads is good. But the money used-for theatres and other amusements should be spent in the same way. Why stop before the logical conclusion ? THE BLACK:’'GOWN. [7 1S PROPER that judges should wear black gowns, but this is only a beginning. The Zourt-room should have a judicial appearance with the help of certain kinds of wall-paper or paint. The jury should be made to wear court-plaster on the ear. The lawyers must wear wigs, and their suspenders outside of their coats. The tipstaffs ought to carry epaulets of leather, and the crier must have his voice enlarged or modulated so as to make it ap- pear severe without being strained. The clerks and stenographers should be,made to curtail their skirts, be the'same of calico or cassimere ; and the witnesses must be obliged to appear with breast-plates, the same to be passed from the outgoing to the incoming testifier. Let us be thorough with this reform. There is as much reason for the improve- ment of the appearance of the satel- lites as of that of the stars. MR. JONES'S DIARY. HE REVIVAL of Bashkirtseff literature is not encouraging to the proprieties; but it is little worse than the soft, mellifluous drip- ping of harmless molasses in the fall about the time of the first frost—harm- less so the party to the experiment doesn’t get it on her white dress or transfer it to her face with her bread-and-butter. It reminds us, however, of a little diary by Jones that may presently be published. “I think it strange,” says Jones, “that that curious man should continue to occupy my chair at the very time that he 1s intriguing against me. It is most un- kind, I hate intrigues.” Again says Jones, ‘I used to like Mr. Flower, but I find that he is no mere slice of fragrance to be worn at the button-hole, and the enormity of his money is disgusting. Heaven be praised, I don't care for money!” Then Mr. Jones says, “This morning David's news- paper made fun of me. I do not like that sort of thing, and I shall ana- lyze the amusement and see whether ridicule is necessarily evidence of imperfect affection.” In an apparent burst of passion on a subsequent page Jones says, “The liberties of this country are in danger from a hor- rid usurper with a bald head who has two offices and puts out his hands to clutch another. It appears to me also that he is deceptive. Oh, what is art when it takes such shapes as these?” “Last night,” further on says Mr. Jones, “I met a dark, silent man on the stairway, and as he passed me I gave an involuntary shudder and uttered the word S'Weed. What does this mean? My emotional nature has seldom been so stirred, Can this be love?” The diary is long and closes with this verse, which Jones says he recently copied from an ancient gravestone : A thousand ways cut short our days, None are exemp! A honey-bee by sti Did stop my mortal breath, ; | comicbooks.com