Judge — May 2, 1891 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE MOVING -DAY. scars and bruises on your hands you bear, With dust and dirt you're covered thickly o'er ; So sad a look no sick man ever wore As that which all the livelong day you wear ; A hundred things occur to make you swear \s no man in his senses ever swore : You fret and fume, but cares come all the more, And you're made mad enough to tear your hair. These are a few results of moving-day But worst of all your sufferings is this— That though you're tired, weary, sick and sore, And anxious that your woes should fly awa Of peace you're not allowed to taste the bliss, For you're compelled to sleep upon the floor. AT THE FOOD EXHIBIT. —_ SORT of tower built up of pies on a table. Portly gentleman addresses him. Mr. Treubicber —"And what, pray, my dear sir, may that represent Exhibitor Exhibitor, a restaurant-keeper. “That is the leaning tower of pies, sir. HIS PA WAS RIGHT. Little bay (to poet) Longfeller? ’0et —* No, Bobby; I'm not rich.” Little boy —" That's what I thought. Pa said yesterday that your poems had more sound than cents.” You're not rich, are you, Mr. BEATING THE RECORD. ‘ ‘E AGED six weeks to-day,” she thought ; How soon will the visions fade? I've beaten by a week almost M1 previous records made.” A SLIGHT CLAIM, “That man bowed to you, Ethel.” “I know it; but I didn't care to recognize him.” Don’t you know him well ?* Not very; and besides one has to draw the line He had a fit in our front y since he has claimec Agnes Ethel: somewhere, INDUCTION FROM PARTICULARS. Watson “ Benson, how was your play received?" Benson Well, sir, the crowd laughed itself sor peal ATTENDANT (in the meni Raysex —" Wh 55 GLORIES IN IT. se YOU are a regular tuft-hunter. despise the masses.” “Very true. I'm after quality, not quanti You love an aristocrat and IN HARD LUCK. \ A TEXAS TOWN. Stranger —* My friend, you seem to be in trouble.” Man — Yes, 1am, mister; but you can't do anything for me.” Stranger —* What's the matter?” Man — Well, you see, the sheriff arrested me last week for theft, but there is only one bed in the jail and he wants that himself. ‘The truth of it is, stranger, I've no place to stay nights.”* OVERHEARD IN KANSAS. First farmer —"\ vam! Peffer wears a biled shirt!" Second farmer —"Yes. And, wust of all, it’s a hard-biled un.” Aerares. IT HURT THEIR FEELINGS. rie) —"* You mustn't annoy the animals, mister.” “m not doing so, me good man,” Ah? I didn’t know it was a tragedy. NO Barnex Brown. ARIZONA CHARL (ropolitan experience) — Ole Kaintuck whisky fer me‘ev'ry time ; an’ make it straight, pardner,” AIRS FOR HIM, last ten minutes. es, you are. You've been looking steadily at those monkeys for the IT IS ALWAYS SO. GOLILOQUY by Gupples on returning home at wo what a woman my wife is! She always talks to me if I've h drink, but when I'm thirsty she’s as silent as a clam.” rius, ything to “TRAVELER'S REST,” PERHAPS. She—" We are all raving about Mr. Dedham Vinton of —oh, I forget. know what he calls his country-seat in England?" Do you y road - side stile. SALTER WITH A P. Teacher —" Dicky Ri etts, can you spell psalter? Dicky (beaming) —“Yes, pes-a-l-t-e-r.” Teacher—" Good. What is the meaning of the word, Dicky?" Dicky hangs his head and a little chub at the foot of the class holds up his hand and shouts, “ More salt, sir! Salter‘n ‘twas first off.” sir. APROPOS OF THE RE sHow Hello, Fatty ! why don't you shave your legs 7 “What's the matter with you, Skinnie? don’t you shave yours?" Was heard to 3 The nights grow shorter And so do I.” comicbooks.com