Judge — April 25, 1891 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE REILLY’S FOUR HUNDRED. A: NOW, Eady, don’t be chaffin’ all thim fellys that has rose ; Shure, the world do all be laughin’ at yure antics, 1 shuppose. Wad yese shame the honest crather that has raiched the social top, Whan it isn’t human nather on the lower rounds to shtop? Why, Lord bless yese ! there's the Asthors med their money buyin’ skins— ‘Their descindants all are lasters, long- lived Ditchmin, fer their sins ; Goulds an’ Vandebilks an’ Taylors sailin’ in the social shwim— Faix, they used to spell it Tailors whan they used to cut an’ thrim! Some av thim had honest fathers who scraped stubbly chins an’ throats, But they dropped the brush an’ lather an’ haye ‘gone to shavin’ note: An’, bedad ! I rather loike it whan some broight aspoirin’ Mick Gits to own the very railroad where he used to swing the pi Faix, we betther not be curious as to genealogy ; Simple facts might make us furious of that same ancesthral tree; Certain things no shtoyle can alter, that wud roise up dark and grim, ‘Av a bit av hempen halter hangin’ on a lower limb, Eddy, don't yese niver mutther whan the lightweights kick the beam ; Shure, the milk projuces butther whan it rises into cream; Shure, the Ditchmin an’ the nayger an’ the Choinese an’ the Pole Will projuce a new four hundred that wud charm yure very sow. Eddy, whisht, now! turn yure toes out, pull yure vest and woipe yure chin, Bid the tailor pad yure clothes oat, buy a cane and diamond pin ; Shteal a railroad, buy an office, make good use of frinds and pelf— Faix you'll mash the whole four hundred and be wan av thim yersilf! AT, worDes. 39 ANOTHER DIPLOMATIC WAR. S©\VWVAY. 1 supposed Daisy was engaged to Count ‘Spaghetti. “Well, she was; but her father broke it off, and now the Ital- ian government has demanded money indemnity.” IT MAY COME TO THIS. “Have I the honor of addressing the governor of the Governor —"1 don't really know yet. nized me so far. Governor Hill hasn't recog- SO HIS SURVIVORS WOULD HAVE IT APPEAR. Teacher (giving small pupil preliminary examination) — What state was Abraham Lincoln from?” Small pupil — Mlinois.” Teacher —"And what was his profession?” Small pupil — He went around the country performing anecdotes.” A DIFFICULT TASK. Mr. SNeDEKER (0f Utica, who is cross-cyed) me right in the eye.” McCoxriGiE—"* Be me sowl, that’s what I been thryin’ to do fer five minutes, an’ me head shwims loike a lone pitaty in a back eddy.” Now then, my man, look ot tee A CORRECTED ROMANCE. As Charlie Glum told the story, As the ‘affair actually happened. comicbooks.com