Judge, 1891-04-18 · page 7 of 16
Judge — April 18, 1891 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a Victorian-era humor page mixing poetry, short comedic sketches, and satirical illustrations typical of *Judge* magazine's format. **Key content:** - **"A Disappointment"** (poem): A jilted man romanticized a woman's photograph for years, only to discover he'd been in love with the *image*, not the actual person—satirizing sentimental male romanticism. - **Short jokes** mock everyday hypocrisy: a neckties clerk claiming no profit while clearly profiting; an artist planning to sketch a wealthy patron's "culinary vision" at a cheap diner; a woman using heavy makeup while denying it. - **Illustrations** show domestic and social scenes: a farmer nervous about train speed, a butler arranging breakfast, a critic pretending depth while reading "between the lines." - **"Au Feu"** (poem): Uses fire metaphorically for heartbreak, suggesting emotional pain cannot be remedied by reason ("philosophic water-spoilt"). The page satirizes Victorian pretense, sentimentality, and social climbing through gentle mockery rather than sharp political commentary. It's primarily entertainment for middle-class readers.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDCE A DISAPPOINTMENT. CARRIED that picture three years. I walked amid crowds all alone I walked ‘neath the moon making moan ‘And bedewing that face with my tears. I reveled in sadly-sweet grief, Growing savage, sarcastic and strange, While my muse took a sky-soaring range ‘And my pain in spot cash found relief. Inspiration sprang out of despair. There were stanzas stored up in her smile, ‘And cynical lines in each wile ‘That lurked in her close-curling hair. How I longed to bebold her once more! Her dismissal still rang in my brain, ‘And to meet ber would double my pain ; Still I rushed on my fate as before. Now I wish things could be as they were When we met I was filled with surprise And the glamour arose from my eyes ~ Td been loving that picture, not her. My friend, don’t despair when refused. ‘Take a walk, wait a while—say a year— ‘And then saunter back without fear And see if you feel as you used. If you're loving an old photograph Tt may quench your poetical fire And kill matrimonial desire ; But the picture is cheapest by half. AN OBSERVANT YOUTH. HAT was a bright boy who described a snake as ‘a tail without a body.’* A-SMALL MARGIN. Customer —"1 suppose. there must be a great deal of profit in these neckties at two dollars apiece, isn't there?” Clerk (earnestly) —" No, sir; there's where you are mistaken. As a matter of fact we don’t make more than a dollar and a half apiece off those ties.” AN INSPIRATION. Wealthy man (givi order for a picture) —"" I want you to put on canvas the most bountiful spread of eat- ables that you can conceiv Artist (after the depart- ure of his patron) —* Happy thought! I'll go dowr to Charley Smith's and sketch his free-lunch counter.” HER FAMILY. Mrs. McCanty—“ An’ ye've raised quoite a big family, Mrs. Murphy?” Mrs, Murphy « (with pride) —“Sivin. polacemin, Mrs. McCanty.” RS; JERROLD kiss him good-bye." ARMORED. Tristram, take that fly-screen ISTRAM (removing it reluctantly) —** | was 'fraid Gran'pa Willicks might ask me to CALMING HIS F % Farmer TIMOTHY (nervously, on the train) —"' Jerusalem, Mr. Brake- man! hain't it powerful risky to be rippin’ along at this tarnation rate?” BrakeMAN—"' Naw ; that's just where the safety is. We're racin’ with a cyclone behind, and we've got to beat it, sure, if we don't want to rin into a wash-out.” MISS PAYNT. AS RED asa rose is she, With her face of rouge and paint ; But however true she be, I know her complexion ain't. A KIND HOST. Bleecker (to his butler) —"See that there is pie for breakfast, Wilkins.” Wilkins (amazed) — uncle from Bangor, Me. be here. He's worth a mil- lion and I want to make him feel at home.” THE CRITIC. "S so afraid he won't offend So long as he confines Himself to censure, he'll pretend To read between the lines. ight off your face !" BOTH DISAPPROVED. ‘ ‘y DON'T believe in such tomfoolery,” remarked iss Bleecker. “Neither do 1 approve of that variety of Thomas unwisdom,” Boston. said Miss Emerson of AU FEU. M Cruel pain ! HEART caught fire one day— ‘And of a sudden smoke and flames’ poured out. I tried the philosophic water-spolit— All in v The fire but burned more fiercely for the spray— Poor heart! T filled my heart with earth— Mournful rite! To hide the flames from wanton winds that fanned, ‘The fire burned out. still stand— AN INVESTIGATING COMMITTEE— Rev. Frizzitor (to Widow Jones) — “Darling, are you aware of the fact that even the hairs of our heads are numbered 7” Poor heart ! Dismal plight ! All charred beneath the garniture of mirth — ‘The black, charred walls AN INVESTIGATING COMMITTEE—2, CENSUS ENUMERATOR (on Ais perch) —"' Guess xorm mutex, Td better investigate that report.” comicbooks.com