Judge — April 18, 1891 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NO RISK IN -HIS, Richt oLD rarty—"What do you want a wife for, when you can hardly support yourself? Why, sir, my daughter would starve !” SNOOKINS (teith great dignity) —“ Well, sir, if you are the kind of man to let your daughter and her husband starve I don’t wish to enter the family,”” HUM OF THE COURT. OME MORALIST proposes a book to be called “Society as 1 wish it wasn’t.” VV HERE IS OUR manhood?” asks a woman editor. Well, well! That’s a puzzler. ‘0 THE SICILIAN about to commit murder—Stop, my friend. Do not be hasty, Hadn't you better appeal to the courts? REPORTED that if Anna Dickinson recovers she will go on the stage — unmistakable evidence that there can be no recovery. THE DELSARTE SYSTEM—A scheme to enable a woman to strike out from the shoulder with her fist as well as her tongue. THE MUGWUMP is not a partisan; but he would take a partisan view of the doctrine of election if Mr. Blaine had anything to say about it. OSCAR WILDE has become an anarchist. We expect to hear some day that the reckless fellow has stabbed somebody to death with a feather. T IS TO BE noted that Miss Ulmar did not announce her intention to sue for divorce at the altar; so that, after all, there may be a honeymoon of several days. ALMOST A WRECK. Conpuctor You've nearly run the car off the track !" “What do you mean by blocking travel like that? JUDGE A STEEL in Mrs, Hyson's corset saved the lady from being pierced by a bullet She has since been pierced by the steel, but her last words were that she would rather die that way. ‘OLSTO! has been so misrepresented by visitors that he will hereafter receive only a very few. Somebody reported that he lived like a Christian and a sane ‘man, and it nearly broke the poor man’s heart. ‘<THE MAN who snores,” says an exchange, ‘tis not fit for human society.” Very true; but it must be admitted that he does it only when he can’t help it, and never when awake and as a matter of choice. (A WOMAN in New Hampshire eighty-two years old is reported to have recently sawed and split a cord of wood in two days. It would be quite as well for the sex if women of the man kind would die at a decent age. THE TEMPER of Secretary Noble, according to all accounts, amounts to very bad manners. Possibly it will be held responsible for the next Indian war, and mean- while several of the secretary's subordinates will make efforts to capture his scalp. RESENTLY. A GHOST tried to choke a woman to death. Nothing could be more unfair. Try as she might and expert as she might be, the woman could not retaliate in kind, for the cowardly wraith had already reached the consummation. i EPWIN BOOTH detests writing, and says he wouldn't write his life for a hun- dred thousand dollars. The life that can refuse such an offer as that has surely been a success, and, so far as the reading public is concerned, the more’s the pity of it. UNTIL THE NEXT MAKE-UP. Mr. Gru (old friend of the family)—''Is Miss Giddy disengaged?" Noratt—"' Disengaged, is it? “I shouldn't wondker, sor; her young man jist wint out wid a face black as night.” MB. BALLOU, novelist, wrote that his last novel had reached a sale of one hundred and twenty thousand. A week later he telegraphed in breath- less haste, “ Take out the first three words"; but, alas! the paper had gone to press. OSEPH COOK will not lecture in the south because the south doesn’t treat its black men fairly. If information were to be refused all sections that were not strictly just Joseph might have all the knowledge in the world and not be able to sell enough of it to buy a pinch of snuff. A BRIDE in California refused to continue her wedding journey because her husband kissed her on the train. A very sensible woman. If bridegrooms must make fools of themselvés in public places a strange woman should be hired to take the kissing and the mortification, ANNIE BESANT comes to us as a priestess of working-women, and to some extent as a vindicator of Madame Blavatsky. The woman loves a heavy load, and apparently is happiest when she is most afflicted; but we should think that Blavatsky on her shoulders would be worse than two old men of the sea. DAvp LEWIS, a pressman in the Minneapolis 7rsdune office, has fallen heir to a fifth interest in a bequest of twenty-eight million dollars. We have frequently reflected upon David as the noblest and most expert of his profession. His work and his escutcheon never had a blot, and we have long Trani" Dats bomesmade sponge-cake I struck at dat farm-house, Subscribed for the Zribune because of the delicate purity which marked its 1 wanted ter soften it a bit,” advent from D. Lewis's press. comicbooks.com