Judge — April 11, 1891 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

3 JUDGE 5 LAUGH-LINES. ITTLE wrinkles made by smiles— Catch the miscreant who styles Them as ‘‘crow’s-feet,” Time, and trace Ugly lines all o'er his face! He does not deserve a grain In the faces of our friends And I love to see them there, See how quickly humor sends For, no matter how much Care Up a signal to the eyes, With his lines upon the brow And these funny furrows rise. May keep pace with laughter now, By and by they plow so deep He can never overthrow ‘That they smiles forever keep. Smiles that deep as trouble go. : MARY A. MASON, HIS MODEST LUNCH. Glanders (alter a careful study of the bill-of-fare) —“I see you have green-turtle soup and haunch of venison to-day, waiter.” Waiter — Yes, sir.” Glanders—* Just so. Then you may bring me a cup of coffee and a toothpick.” ADONIRAM JAY ON SKIRT-DANCING. KIRT-DANCIN’, that’s what they called it, Thg swayin’ and slidin’ and moosic amoosement weird and stran Seemed tew move on yure works at once— And though I'm a family man myscil” As Grant told the rebels at Vicksburg — ‘And belong tew the Mapletown grange, Ang I sot thar and grinned like a dunce. ‘When them delooding’ young critters in fur tew waltz and glide ‘They was all on "em bright young women 1 wondered if any one knew me, ‘And scemed tew be all of an age, ‘And looked fer a place tew hide. So when the folks got tew applaudin® Tyelled tew ‘em down on the stage: Fust I heered some silvery moosic. “Come out tew Montgomery caounty. ‘Like autumn wind under the eaves, ‘Stay all summer and romp and Which brings through the open winders Till the fellers all round me was si 1nd golden leaves ; “Won't somebody slug dat jay And it blew in a passel of fairies ‘And blew ‘em across the stage ‘That brung me right back tew my senses — As light as the down of a thistle, ‘was actin’ redicklous, I own ; ‘And it kinder renewed my age. You Coals lighted catch at fy featorce— T was glad I had come thar alone. ‘They capered and frolicked like kittens 1 was ruther enthusiastic: ‘Atplay with a ball and string. ver had seen sich a play A ralzter‘of schotusch and Highland reel But fever coud think now them fellers ‘With a sort of a pigeon-wing. Discovered my name was Jay. Sich a cloud of Hamburg edgin's ‘And lace and shoes and fan Sich scenes make a man discontented. Combined with that soothin’ moosic Tsnum! I was lonesome next day; Would rattle most any man. T seemed tew have lost all my intrust In Canajoharie baled ha} T’ve seen some fancy rope-walkin’, “"Tradacat" I went hummin’ that moosic Contortion and high trapere, 4 the figures was dancin’ like fun ‘The cirkis and bareback ‘Til tound'f nad leat on the car toad ‘But this tuk the biscuit with ease. Jest forty-six cents on a ‘ADONIKAM JAY, J SHE WANTED TO SEE. ‘40 THIS is the barn!” exclaimed a fair young girl who was visiting her country cousins. “Yes.” “Then do please show me the dear little barnacles.” ‘TOWN OF ROOT. HIS ATTEMPT TO GET COOLED OFF. Orricer —* How'd yer git in that man-hole ?" UNcte SuRBuBRS—* Man-hole? I thought it wuz one o' them beer-tunnels I've heerd tell on.” THAT WAS IT. ¢¢MIR- SPIGGITT made a sneak for home about ten o'clock,” said Miss Bleecker. “He constructed a servile departure for his domicile at that hour, did he?” replied Miss South- Church of Boston. A TANGLED WEB. He—And you went to Norway, too?” She—" Yes.” He— Not very far north, though, I suppose 2” ‘She (fibbing) — Yes; to the remotest parts.’ He—* You saw the midnight sun, then?” She—"No. You see we were always so tired we went to bed early.” AT NIAGARA, [NTO the whirlpool with a shout He jumped when in insane condition, Tut begged at once to be helped out Of such a very falls position, THE TROUBLE WITH IT. Lady customer —"1 want to look at some sofas.” Clerk this?” Lady customer —* It’s too comfortable. Some Yes, madam; what do you think of LOOKING AHEAD. Citcaco Lover —* Will you be my wife?” one might sit down on it.” His BeLoved—" How much alimony will you pay me if we disagree?” comicbooks.com