Judge — April 11, 1891 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

An’ politics—my gracious! ‘One would think when he was young The hull United States turned out to see Then Jackson rid his stallion, An’ the leetle young uns sung, An’ the one thet spoke the welkim, it was Ae. * ‘Then sech crops ex used to tumble Jest head foremost from the ground When he hoed his patch or helped his brother Jim ! Kebbige, turnips, ‘tatoes, melons, Never wormy—allers sound ; Why, ther never wuz a dry time kem to Aim / An’ his folks! all eddicated In a higher school than aours— He himself was college-bred, we understand ; But, by Jiminy ! it tickles n’ sometimes agen it sours, When we never see a vollum in his hand. A NEGLE Younc Putuistine —"* Well, but don’t yer smoke?” Youne Putiastr Goop LITTLE Boy — TED EDUCATION. Youxe Punastine—"' Nor cuss, nor go to the-ay-ters an’ sit in the gallery an’ spit on JUDGE THE VILLAGE BRAG. E HEZ a stock o' stories — Lord, an’ what a grist o° ties! ‘The pootiest little yarns ye ever heerd ; His face as grave as thunder, But a twinkle in his eyes, He takes truth by the forelock an* the beard. He'll vow thar, jest as certain ‘As gospel writ. thet be Hex done more work than eny man in town, But I'm a-goin’ on forty, ‘An’. {uz ever I cud see, He only pops his chair from fallin” jown. He tells 0° great disasters— Thet the storms o' other days Set in an’ ruined everythin’ abaout ; A cyclone it ain't nuthin’, ‘An’ a ten-foot snow, be says, Is a furry thet delights an’ tempts him aout. Rich, by Jehu! all his folks were ; “round in tarnal style To the city, where we fellers seldom go. But he's ragged as a mullien, ‘An*is lookin’ all the while Jest the starvin’ ghost 0° misery an’ woe. ‘Yet we kinder hang around him, Listenin’ to his glowin’ talk, Sech ez poets use whose spirits sort o soar; ‘An’ we'll foller to the groc'ry ‘When we see him feebly walk, ‘An’ we listen, though we've heard it all before. ) For, somehow, we kinder like him, ‘An’ we pity’ an we wait Jest a-wonderin’ if his dreams won't sometime “ pan”; ‘An’ among us we hev argued He's too good for sech a fate, ‘An’ we'll keep him from the poor-house to a man, CORA LINN DANIELS. are yer anyhow?” AT ANDOVER. logical seminary.” “Of what nature?” the last seven years.” “Gracious! Well, what good A GRIEVOUS FAULT. “T hear bad news from the theo- “They say Professor Widebrain has learned something new about religion in What did they do?” A PLAIN, SOLID ARGUMENT. Jupce—" Now, then, McCorrigle, no prevarication. passed between you and the defendant.” McCorriGLt —"‘ Brickbats, yer honor ; jist brickbats.”” Tell us all that EXTRAVAGANCE. ‘+MY HUSBAND is a very extravagant man,” she said. “He doesn’t look it.” “Perhaps not; but he’s had an accident policy in the house for six months and he hasn't used it yet.” THE PAST TENSE. } Mrs. Cumso (surveying her youngest with admiration “Don't you think Johnny's new clothes are just killing ? Cumso —" Not exactly killing, but kilt.” A ROYAL PARADOX. OW paradoxical appear ‘The days in lands ‘neath monarchs’ sway ; For, even though the days be clear, ‘The reign it reigneth every day.- mate A NEW MEASUREMENT OF TIME. Passenger —" How long will it be before we get into New York, porter?” Porter —“"Bout a quartah of a dollah, sah.” A DIGNIFIED REPLY. Bleecker (of New York, visiting a Boston friend, to his friend’s parrot) —“ Does Polly want a cracker?” Parrot —"Sir, 1 will thank you for a biscuit.” A SUGGESTION. Political editor —" I'm going to ‘sock’ the farmers’ alli- ance in to-morrow issue.” Sporting editor —*Why don't you commence with Jerry Simpson?” “Why, fired him, of course.” TWO OF A KIND. HE STOLE her glove, For deep in love Ile ‘was, and badly smitten; But, later viewed, The crime he rued, When he received —the mitten, mos AT THE FIRST BLUSH. Landlady—" How do you like the butter, Mr. Bingster ?” Bingster (the new boarder) —" 1 can tell better, madam, after we have known ch other longer.” WHAT HE DESIRED—1, Trar—" Mister, would you please unfortunate man a little lift in the world? ve a poor s WHAT HE DESIRED —2. MAN oN MULE—" Certainly, Raise him, Jack!” comicbooks.com