Judge — April 4, 1891 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ALL BROKEN UP. Tite, suant (on the morning after the dinner) —"* What was that, t we so much partook of last night?” * It was labeled ‘American cocktails,’ your highness.” lons sent to Teheran at once. E SHAH—** Have a thousand ga It shall be used to remove the plotters against my throne.” HUM OF THE COURT. the new president of Sorosis, is a an; but she is good and kind, and never A WOMAN says she wants to be written down as a lover of all women. So do we, dear—so do we. Noble sentiment! Y ONE who traveled on the Hearst funeral-train—" We had a rollicking time, and nothing occurred to mar the festivity of the event.” MB. SMITH of Arkansas, aged twenty-one years, has had cight wives; and as if this were not trouble enough they have sent him to jail. ODE OF THE smallest fires that Butte, Montana, ever had oc- curred the other day—a little, small, contemptible blaze—but it burnt up ten saloons. EVERY TIME William Evarts looked at the late Irish proc sion he put his hand suddenly to his hat, and removed the hand with a look of mingled gratification and surprise. BUTTONS are now made of potatoes. This will cause so many fresh failures in the potato crop of Ireland that that unhappy land will collect millions in charity every year. ARK THE PROCESSION on JUDGE that in the morning every plug hat looks as if it ought to have a republic, and in the evening looks as if it had had orfe and was truly sorry for it. HE CAUSE of Ireland is not lost, So far from that, you can almost see the place it used to occupy, and most people are so convinced of it that they are turning their disgusted eyes thé other way. , EN LIKE PEFFER and Simpson do a good deal of hard, honest thinking, and it is a curious fact that men who go only half through a subject arc the ones who are most delighted with their conclusions. HE “ NEW” CAPITOL is mentioned by the Albany Journal as the greatest building on the American contirient. We are confident the Journal has the figures to show for it, or will have them with the next appropriation. ‘A NEW PAPER that sets: out to be eminently respectable is in danger of being commonplace or absolutely stupid, That, however, may pay better than to seck support as an organ of the vicious or the impertinent, [T IS JUST worth remembering that the kaiser was never particular as to his ‘own treatment of his mother, and yet it is natural that he should want-a monopoly of the snubbing he doubtless thinks she needs. THE SHOCK suffered by the legal pro- fession on account of the sudden and violent settlement of the Fayerweather business will not soon be forgotten. It may almost be remarked that it was like a clap of thunder from a clear sk SENATOR EDMUNDS is tapping ma- ple. trees in Vermont, where he is looked upon as a sugar snow, ‘or a sub- dued and gentle icicle; but we never yet saw a cocktail that was. as good with maple asa small amount of white sweet- ness judiciously shaken before taken. THE WOMAN of the Evening Sun thought and thought on the questio: “Who are the greatest bores in talking?” and came to the conclusion that the only talkers to be tolerated were the talkers who did not talk CONTEMPT OF COURT. FORE the women’s press club of this city was or- ganized there were twenty-nine resignations, and since then it has been necessary at every meeting to send out a fife and drum to get a quorum. Still we believe in women’s clubs—or rather we should if y happened to be possible. -BORN citizens who organize for sination look with sweetness and charity on a hundred murders of their own devising, but are faint with grief and sur- vhen men of their own race are killed. It is difficult to account for the human nature that is so made up. ROBERT INGERSOLL wants to see men and women together at public dinners because in that case the former will have an assur- ance of getting home safely at the usual hour in the morning. The’ union of the sexes in that way, Robert, would prevent the mixing of the beverages, so that safety> would be a foregone conclusion. Again, Robert, thefe would be too much speech-making. Still further, colonel, the sustaining powers of these dinners would be gone, so that there wouldn't be any dinners. IMPOSSIBLE, Dolley—"1 can't say that 1 care much for Jaysmith; there's a blot on his escutcheon.” Goslin — Av, that cawn’t be, doncher know. He hasn't any HER BUSINESS. URSE. (vigorously) —"* Come, now, sor-1 time.” a { wake up and swallow , St. Patrick's day edeurtheoa.” comicbooks.com