Judge — April 4, 1891 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

for ae or queen— Why don't you get the Nicki.-ix ?” Cigars for saie‘oniy-at our stores. Mrs, Fangle—"' How do you like your new maid, Mrs. Jingle?” Mfrs. Jingle—"* Oh, she'd be all right if she were not so over refined.” Afrs. Fangle— what way?” Afrs, Jingle— thing but the most costly Dresden china,"—St. Joseph News. Dime museum manager — remarkabl flicant — But I don’t see anything that's your specialty?” Ap. I'm a giant." Dime museum manager — ing! You ain't six feet tall!" Applicant — I know it. You might exhibit me as the smallest giant in the worl ‘Boston Transcript, ‘When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria, ‘When she was a Child, abe cried for Castoria. When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria. When she Aad Children, she gave them Castoria, ““T gather,” said the Boston lady, ‘from the conver- sation of my nephew, that firemen are in the habit of using rubber hose at their labors.” ‘ Yes." ‘That, I presume, is so that they won't get their feet wet ; and the Boston lady returned to her book with an air of entire satisfaction over having solved a difficult prob- lem.— Washington Pest, Foegs —"' understand the Chicago world’s fair com- missioners think of further postponing the show in order to make sure of a first-class atraction.” Boges— “ Have they something worth while in sight?” Foges— “Not exactly in sight, but scientists say Niagara falls are wearing away in the direction of Chicago at the rate of two feet'a year."— Aunsey's Weekly, Mrs, Winstow’s Sootuina Syrup for Children Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, alla all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhoea, 25 cents a bottle, * said Pink Whiskers the tramp, “I wish't I had as many dollars as it is easy to git hats. You see, a gang of us will lay down in the weeds along side of the railroad a little way from the water-tank, Jest as a passenger train is about to start off, after the engine is through takin’ water, we jump up an’ holler * Howdy, colonel ? ‘Then all the men in the cars stick their heads out uv the winders and we grab their hats an’ slide. Uv course this is in the south. In the west we say ‘jedge’ and in the east ‘perfesser.’ Anywhere else we sing out ‘Howdy, Mr. Smith? "—Greensburg Sparks, DECKER |“ BROTHERS MATGHLES® PIANOS 33 UNION SQUARE. St THE CELEBRATED NEW YORK. hatneel otc tear ea by Leading Artiste Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St., M. Yr BOHMER & CO., Cuicaco, I1t,, 936 State Street; Saw Francisco, Cat. Union Club Building; St. Lous, Mo., as2a Olive Street ; Kaxsas Crry, Mo., 3343 Main Street. THe BARKER BRAND LINEN COLLARS ABSOLUTELY BEST. WILLIAM BARKER, M'F'R, TROY, N. Y. A CHARACTER. Everything pleased my neighbor, Jim ; When it rained He never complained, But said wet weather suited him, “There never is'too much rain for me, ‘And this is something like,” said he. ‘When earth was-dry as a powder-mill He Wid not sigh Because it was dry, But said if he could have his will It would-be his chief supreme delight To live where the sun shone day and night. When winter came with its snow and ice He did not scold Because it was cold, But said, ‘* Now this is real nice; If ever from home I’m forced to go T'll move up north with the Esquimau.” A cyclone whirled along its track ‘And did him harm— It broke his arm And stripped the coat from off his back. ‘And I would give another limb To see such a blow again,” said Jim. And when at length his years were told, ‘And his body bent And his strength all spent, And Jim.was very weak and ol “Tong have wanted to know,” he said, ** How it feels to die"— and Jim was dead. ‘The angel of death had summoned him To heaven or— well, T cannot tell ; But I know that the climate suited Jim; ‘And cold or hot, it mattered not — It was to him the long-sought spot, —0. F. Pearre in the Bloomington Pantagraph, A cornet-player who asks his doctor to take out his bill in trade draws his notes a little too fine.— Balsi- more American Mothers give Angostura Bitters to their children to stop colic and looseness of the bowels. Dr. J. G. B. Siegert & Sons, sole manufacturers. At all druggists. American heiress —* And so you have fought a real duel. Now, to tell the truth, count, weren't you just the least bit frightened?” Foreign count—"' No, madam ; you see our seconds had extracted the bullets without our knowledge." — Binghamton Republican. BENEFITS. 7 so S40 Weekly. 9200 to 7 siscotn three to seven years faring life: also in case of death. Men and women in all branches of business wanted as agents. Big pay and easy work. Address at once, 8. CLENSOR, 8 Union 8q., New York. Mention this paper. -10— CENTS ran PACKAGE. An all-tobacco, Long Filler Cigarette, the most delicious and wholesome smoke ever offered for the money. CONSOLIDATED CIGARETTE CO, ‘Ave. D and soth St., New York Of every million people in the world, eight hundred are blind and the other nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand two hundred cannot see their own faults. Oil City Blissard. Man is frequently modest so long as he believes that others consider him. brilliant; but let some one imply that his work might be improved, and lo! he bristles straightway with conceit and wotnded vanity.— £v/a Higginson, BOKER'S BITTERS since 1828 acknowledged to be by farthe best and finest Stomach Bitters made, wheth- er taken pure or with wines or liquors or other cordials. Overheard in the parlor of a Broad-street hotel — “What are you crying ‘for, my little lad?” ** Boo-hoo ! I just dropped a ten-cent piece and I can't find it.” “Never mind; you'll find it, for ten cents would not go far in this hotel."—PAiladelphia Record. Cholly ~"" Heah about Chappie?) Supy dead, you know, but came to life in his coffin. Queeah, yewy queeah,”"" Dolly—"* Aw, not so vewy queeah. ‘They had put the deah ‘boy’ tato aa Atsewlcan-made shwoud, don't you know."—Jndianapolis Journal, d to be It would be ide to,attempt t the Sohmer piano, ‘Every chi and Canada knows the Sohmer. rove thé larity of in the inited States ‘For all we know there really may be a man in the moon,” said the leather drummer. “* There is,” said the hardware drummer, who was still indignant over having been sent to the top floor. ‘* I leaned out of my window and had quite a talk with him last night.” Indianapolis Journal. Ske—"* Who is that blonde young man with the eye- He—" Oh, that’s Charley Baddun ; he's a ter- She—" Oh, I wish you'd introduce He—* Who is that he's dancing with?" She \b, that’s Mrs. Blankety Blank, that awful widow."” He—""Oh, by Jove! is that she? "Oh, T say, will you introduce me?"— Boston Beacon, NEW KODAKS. “You press the button, we do the rest.” SEVEN NEW STYLES AND SIZES, ALL LOADED WITH TRANSPARENT FILMS. For Sale by all Photo. Stock Dealers. THE EASTMAN COMPANY, Send for Catalogue. ROCHESTER, N. Y. Blank Book AIL kinds kept in Stock and made to order by Findler & Wibel, 146 Nasaa St, New York. THE SPECIAL FOOD FOR BRAIN AND NERVES, GROSBY’S WITALIZED PHOSPHITES. Prepared secorene to Prof, Percy's formula. phosphites, composed 0 Is the only preparation of the 1 elements as they exist in the Auman brain and merver, the principle necessary to restore and sustain mental and physical powers and prevent disease. let with testimonials from leadi Pam, ph y Dears. “Sent by mall (9) from For sale ians, the eminent cle1 ergy, aod educator sent free. 6 W. 20th ST, K: Y. FCly fone genuine without this signature printed on the label: Do your BANKING, STOCK and BOND business Wilh LEWIS G. TEWKSBORY, 50 Broadway, N.Y, comicbooks.com