Judge — March 14, 1891 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

406 JUDGE IT’S DIFFERENT IN THE MORNING. N THE evening, feeling good, In the morning, feeling bad, ‘Y]} Young man in the café stood. Hat too little, visage sad, “1 am thirsty !" was his ery. “T've a thirst!" was still his ery. “Here is water if you're dry,” “Here's your lager if you're dry,” Said his friend.‘ Nay, nay !" quoth he; id his friend. ‘* Nay, nay !" quoth he ; “Git me beer!" and beer flowed free. “Gi' me water! Glasses three '+ No use for water have I got No use for lager have I got Water doesn't touch the spot !” Lager doesn't touch the spot POPULAR FALLACIES. THAT now jokes are as plentiful as fools or frauds. That poets believe in suicide or that they live on wind. That it is better to smoke a poor cigar than none at all. That every one who passes through Union square is an actor. That future generations will have an easier life than the present one. That a crest or monogram on your stationery proves your aristocratic lineage. That it is better to have loved and lost than to have loved and gotten a divorce. That there is anything more’ conducive to nightmare than a daily indulgence in pie. That there is anything to equal the all-round cussedness of the typewriter that will not work. That the man in the orchestra-chair gets any more for his money than the one in the gallery. That the man is living who has not at one time thought that he had the elements of greatness in him. That the young be. lady who has taken a 5 “t— course. of singing les- THE TRIALS OF POVERTY. sons has!a“yoice’eug= CuoLLy (after the theatre) —"' Baw Jove, Algy ! can a this be you it wn-beef-and-bez shop? Why ‘ave you gestive of the angelic {tis Be yin a cawn-beet-and-beans shop? Why ‘ave yo choir, ‘ALGY (sudkily) —"* Faw the same weason as you have. That any one can “I don't want to disgwace my full-dwess suit heah.” stretch his imagination far enough to think of the music of a flute as heavenly harmony. That a young lady is smitten ‘with you just because she graciously allows you to put your name on her “order of dance.” That Koch's lymph is the only sure cure for consumption. (A glance through the advertising columns of the newspapers will reveal several dozens of such cures.) mem MUTUAL WARINESS ADVISABLE. Mrs. van Letter —“ Laura, my child, be careful; thaf man isn’t a lord, . I'm sure. He's just a cockne im, the teacher ’s in there !". = : Laura — Why, mamma? He a know?" e » ™ fs I'szes bm weat down.”! Mrs. van Letter —" Didn't you notice how he pronounced the Thames ‘Then shut up, yer fool, or he'll be fished out an’ resusticate.” __river?. He drops his h A MYTHOLOGICAL PHANTASY. Bright boy (gazing’ at the Venus of Milo)— Mamma, was Venus just like that?” : Mamma "Yes, 1 think she must have been.” Bright boy—%And 1 suppose Jupiter punished her in that way-for letting the other gods hold her hands.” A SURE SIGN. Young man— Mec. Tapeline, can you put a new right sleeve in this coat? This one is getting badly worn. Tailor —* Certainly; Mr. Downey. Allow me to congratulate you on the engagement A MATTER OF DOUBT. WIUEN hee lips say n0 If her lips said yes, While her eyes speak yes, Though her eyes were no, how do I know Then I must confess ich the truth express? That I would not go. NO INDIRECTION ABOUT IT. he evidently married him for spite.” Do you think so? Why, how interesting! Do tell me who it was you think she wanted to spite ?” He—"Why, her husband, of course." UNSUCCESSFUL. Cholly —" What's— aw —the mattah—aw—with Sissy Downy? He— aw—looks vewy much dejected, y’ Gusste—" Va-as; don’t y" know, applied for membership in Soro- NEA RSIGH TED: sis, deah boy, but they actually wouldn't have him, y'know. Said he was, USSU SIE (who has strolled into the Sons of Traac dinner by mis. too effeminate, bai Jove !* eho) —" Hicuse me gents 1 did y = machine comicbooks.com