Judge — March 7, 1891 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CARL PRETZEL'S PHILOSOPHY. Lazyness vas put hoonderts of goot fellers obscoority into. Dhere vas notting in dis life but vat vas hafe a goot lookin’ side to it. Idleness vas der yeast dat rises ub all der corruptibil- ities vot lives der heart in, Notting dot vas pooty goot cood been had vhen you don't get shpryfulness about it. ‘A mind dot vas got its board bill paid vas hafe con- tentments enuff to been happy like der duce. Dhere don’t vas a mans in der vorldt but vat cood find himself somet'ing bad ofer he vas go lookin’ fer it. Dhere vas too many much shaddows in dis vorldt. Der odder one vas schuck full mit realidies too noomer- ous to mention, Dhere don't vas a lazy bone in der hooman mind. It was vorkin’ all der vhile, so dot's besser you gif it goot meat for oxertise. Lfery penitential cry you vas utter to der arkidect of der ooniverse vas more strong as a tousand dollars in a two times national banks. Any person wishing to purchase a strictly first-class piano is advised to visit the salesroom of Sohmer & Co., 149-155 East rath street, New York cit “What are you going to do,” asked a young man of his friend who was learning to ride a bicycle; ‘* break the record?” "No, T-don't think T'l do that,” was the reply. ‘I'll be either my neck or the bicycle."— Washington Post, Mrs, Guzsle—“ You remember that snake-decorated flask I bought of you?" Silversmith—"' Yes; how did it work?” Afrs. Gussle—"' It failed utterly. Guz- zle just closed his eyes and emptied it at half a dozen gulps.""—Jewelers’ Weekly, “*Goodness gracious!" exclaimed Mrs. P.; library is a perfect wreck. Has there been a dyna explosion in it?” ‘*No," said her husband.‘ George was in there a little while ago practicing with his new Indian clubs."—Norristown News. Bumby —'* Say, Guzzle, old fellow, see the papers? ‘There's a rebellion broke out in Oporto, What's it all about?” Guzsle—"* Don’t know, ole boy, ‘less it is they tried to force the natives to drink: some of the port wine they make for the American market."—Chicago Times, A man was telling another in a Fourth-street car yes- terday how he lost one thousand dollars by not invest- ing in Reading at a certain time. ‘* I was so mad that I gnashed my teeth and spoiled the set, so that I had to get new ones. I'll be careful not to gnash these un- Ul they're paid for. You don't catch me gnashing an- other man’s teeth, no matter how mad I get."—PAila- delphia Record, Look at the annual statement of the Equitable Life Assurance Society in this issue. It shows that the Equitable has a total Outstanding insurance of over $720,000.000; that during 1890 new insurance was written to the amount of nearly $04,000,000. Can any one stop to calculate such figures? During the year there was paid to policy holders by this one company over Tt had an income of over $35,000,000, and an undi- Sided tarsiue of ncarly Sigeconos whi he total assets at the lose of Inst year versed toward Stz0.c00000., Every officer of {is company, especially Mr, Henry By Hyde. its able president; Mr. James W. Alexander, its experienced vice-president : and John A. McCail, its indefatigable comptroller, can take pride in this statement. AND HEAD NOISES CURED by Peck's Mviaiie tubulee Pat Canons, Snipers beard Saccesatul when all remedies fail. Write for book of proofs FREE. Sold only by F, liscox, 853 Broadway, New York, 1D TEN CENTS for a copy of “Statistics on Base-Ball PRaycrm Contains tos pageas tamsly seconde of all peo. fessional players: in caning pedi matter and notes. B.A, VOUNKER, Bor 1048 Des Moines, Towa. CONSUMPTION 325.2222 Koch's theory ex; cidal saturation finally successful, Correspondence invited. LUNG DEPARTMENT, N. Y. BACILLICIDE CO., Iss West g4th Street, N.Y. D. L. Down's HEALTH EXERCISER. POR BRAIN-WOREERS & SEDENTARY PEOPLE lem rough the Atalete of 15 Accents eymesium’ Faxes ip but 6, square Led by ano physoane clergymen, ediiors andi othera now wing Horm No. 2, THE. ‘WESTERN UNION TELEGRAPH COMPANY. = MESSAGES TAKEN BY THIS COMPANY ARE SUBJECT TO THE FOLLOWING TERMS: a pertaeten rican ht ic vay on tor router pos terery, gg baltic Pmuct ig the same, bor (susie ennuee "mado the acent of ths eapany. when mecesanry ta reach ic = paces Sareeeanee re ‘THOS. T. ECKERT, General Manager wecuved fur acnding tbe same, unless aie iaeai ar ater remain emeamre Peace ie ai thant hompany ca iliac pet exceding 1.80 try and Gro er eens tor any greater thaches to thie ris pens to pach OWseo he Ate ey ge Sop Se SS ia reanaeyes sieges prea ene nnn ‘charge for ‘distance, ‘at ond of its Wy budof the Compraystsceeagerss ue acto oF Gat pups od ery limits of the terminal ofico For deliverz at a put presented in writing, within sixty days after NORVIN GREEN, President, Vececigers No. y Check L _ 1a 22.4891. 7 DD AGREEMENT "AT THE ToPS= uve \Preasure~ am ConistaBEe & Go, “CARTWRIGHT & WARNER'S” Celebrated Underwear. Spring Weights for Ladies, Men and Children, HOSIERY. Ralbriggan, Lisle Thread, S!1k and Cotton. | Broadevay A 19th ot. NEW YORK. LWELL CYCLE UROPEAN TOURS conducted — England, France, Switzerland, Ger- any and Holland: Firs cise tear Ne cieaes Hees Sook Tung eth, No: aJuly sth. For particulars address ELWELL & HIGGINS, s PORTLAND, ‘MAINE, One matron —* No, 1 do not allow my husband to address me by my christian name." Another matron — “T shouldn't mind that at all. It is the unchristian names he breaks out with every once in a while that I object to." —/ndianapolis Journal, THE DELICIOUS Fragrance, refreshing coolness, and soft beau- ty imparted to the skin by Pozzoni's Powder lcommend it to all ladies. STR Th Fralia Peg: Coo ILLUSTRATED PAMPHLET, 10c. Be Tells all about eyes: how diseased glasses or Aow to discard’ them; Methods of treatment without te Bnlfe. THE EYE, 155 W. 34th St, N. RIGOGELE Quick, sure. cure., Book tree. Address SUELE f. FOWLER, MOODUS, CONN, RDMAN|RELIABLE AND BEST. ak your Dealer for them and ‘other. comicbooks.com