Judge — February 28, 1891 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE SOLECISMS OF STRAUSS. UF, YOU got an idea your headt inside don'd go righd away undt put it in der noosebapers; id's better dot you keeb ut unt don‘d let your prains got lonesome. Some Democrats saidt dot der McGintley pill knocked der brices oop sky-high, unt der barty too also likewise. Some Repooblicans saidt dot der Democrats got a poat-load of suckers unt no salt in der house to keeb’‘em till 1892, aber dey oxpect coompany unt no fish der house inside. You seen some fellers alretty dot saidt, “Der vorldt owes me a living,” undt you find dot fellers poardin’ dot accound oudt at der benitentiary bresently. You nodis dot uf der doctors got a pig ride pooty soon der under fellers got a pig ride too—in der hearse- vaggon, py crashus ! Dere vos blenty fellers could keeb school, but dey vos seldom dot could teach ut. Shtick a preast-bin here. Opserve dis, der poor mans dot can hardtly got along usually got a_vife dot can skib righd along mit all he is vort on her pack. Dot vos a mystery. Leaders vos a crate dings for a barty, but I radder had my handts on der wheelers mit preech- ing on ober der vaggon gits proke in a smashub. I peen used to trive in der horses-car mineselluf. WILMRLAC STRAUSS. THE LATEST IN SHAKES. WORSE than fever'n-ague quaking Is the latest in hand-shaking : On a level with the chin Is the way they first begin, Then a smile that is so spacious You first wonder is it gracious- Ness; or do they mean to eat You right up there on the street? WHY HE LOST THEM. Bunting —* Poor Jaysmith hasn't a friend in the world.” Larkin —" How did he lose his money?” f ill THE WRONG KIND. Ae Hr—"T think T'll have to use glasses.” eee ye | His wire—" Well, dear, you always did use them; but they never got higher than your lips.’ WOUNDED IN SERVICE. EARD in Helena, Who are those crippled men who have just passed along the street? Battle-scarred veterans of the grand army of the republic, 1 take it.” “Oh, no; those are merely the members of the Montana legislature.” We iil SPOKE BY THE AULT HA rail! + CARD. wen MY AT 8 school-examination. “Tell me something about David.” “ David was a king, sir.” “Quite right) But king of what?” “ Of clubs, sir.” A CASE-—1. f f - New orrice-noy—‘' Dere’s a man outside as says 4 {i NO ENJOYMENT. he's got 'r case he'd like ter show yer. Shall I tell ‘m ter \ Z. ‘ walk in?” Hi ‘ ‘pp you tnjoy the play, Lawyan Stmpy—"A case! Do T want him to walk wy : Ethel ?* in? No, boy ; tell him to fy in, and you want to be quick “No: I didn’ ” about it too!’ Aretainer means the first dinner I've had Nos Tidlda ery once, for a month, Begone !" HIS CROSS. \ \ | CROSS-LIGHTS. Briggs—" Poor Salter! Five years ago a girl : A The lost chord—A stolen jilted him and he has been traveling in Europe ever 45 = clothes-line. since. He has just returned, poor fellow, looking as A cake walk—The dude's carewom as ever.” fi promenade. Griggs—* Hasn't he seen the girl at all?" 8 ay’ A groom's -man — The Briggs—"Oh, yes. They met abroad a year 4 ! + stable-helper. after he left here and have seen a great deal of each . fe A charge to the jury— otbercsince.”” ac ASE—2._ ‘The. prisoner. Griggs —'Thea what makes him so unhappy?” cuient—"T have here, sir, the most complete s " 5 comb-case on the market, which I will sell for the small sum of a A good match—One that Briggs —" He married her. dime.” does not go out. ws. comicbooks.com