Judge, 1891-02-14 · page 4 of 16
Judge — February 14, 1891 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes the unrealistic male ideals promoted in contemporary advertisements. The main poem (left) depicts a woman seeking the handsome, muscular men featured in ads for products like soap, shoes, and bicycles. She contrasts these fictional paragons with real men she encounters—who are awkward, chinless, and physically unimpressive. The satire targets both advertisers' deceptive marketing practices and consumers' gullibility in believing such exaggerated imagery. The accompanying illustrations show the gap between advertised fantasy and reality. Other items on the page include brief political jabs at public figures: Mayor Grant, Ray Hamilton and Eva (unclear context), John Ingalls, and Cleveland—typical of *Judge* magazine's satirical commentary on contemporary politicians and social figures. The piece fundamentally mocks advertising's false promises and the vanity they exploit.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE WHERE IS THAT MAN? ‘M_LOOKING for that kind of man ‘That advertisers use ‘With cuts of " Canticurly soap" And “* Bings's four-dollar shoes."”- “Hope for the bald" has pierced my heart, ‘Add oft my bosom thrills At sight of youth on “ Bicycles,” (Or taking * Bunchem’s pills.” The youth that wears “The nobby suit” Still haunts me night and day, While" Heavy whiskers in three weeks" reams. peachy cheek Still o'er my pathway gleams. T want to find that kind of man, ‘So handsome, brave and fair; Brect and stalwart, and with legs ‘That match and’ make a pair. With arms that have some muscle and With hands that look so strong. If I could find that kind of man Td not be singte long. Alas! the fellows that 1 meet, Dear advertisers, let me know ‘They wabble when they walk. ‘The model that you use, And I will buy your facial soap They Rave no chins and oh, they look So silly when they talk! bicycle oF Their coats are padded and their necks He may be wealthy or be poor, ‘Are slender as their canes; With cheek of peach or tan, ‘While those grand fellows in’ those cuts But I would like for once to see Look noble and have brains. ‘And meet a real man. SHE—"'Sho! Whaffo' yo’ call me yoah angel, Sam?" He—‘'I was thinkin’ ob dem sleeves ! HW i i FQ SN i WSN E SHALL always refer to the impending queen of the Sandwich islands by her title, it is so difficult to follow the rhythmic sweetness and sinuosity of her ordinary name. D.3-#- TO C. A. D—A valentine I had for * you beyond the reach of pelf. I kept it close from prying eyes, upon the upper shelf. But it looked so sweet I loved it true, and took it for myself. MB. HENDERSON of the house is hereby informed that the Courier-Journal calls him “the Iowa snorter.” Does Mr. Henderson snort? And if he snorts what snort of a snort does he snort? HEY SAY that much bad blood is engen- dered among the Indians by three churches of as many denominations for their benefit. The ANCHORED FOR KEEPS. , Indian may be christianized to as great an ex- Teactier—"' Miss Blithersome, why don't you rise for your recitation?" tent apparently as were the people of some of Miss Rouutson —"* Please, ma‘am, she can't, She's been sitting on her spruce-gum.” the back ages, and perhaps he gets his idea of the burning at the stake from the experiences HUM OF THE COURT. of some of the Christian martyrs. WEITE, CUPID, soft to Mayor Grant that he won't go higher “THE STORY that the governor of Montana eats pie with a xnife is a because becean’. base calumny. He spears his pie in the middle with a fork, extends LOVE BRINGS down all, both great and small; but there are some = Jett Rogers’ for ‘the support/of ‘sich’ fragments’ asi threaten {to detach valley. mean abstss themselves, lifts the pie gently to his protruding lips, and bites with an appreciative gentleness or violence modulated or exaggerated to the excel- lence or otherwise of the usually gratifying pastry. A more accomplished pie-biter than the governor of Montana doesn’t exist, with perhaps the THE MARRIAGE of Ray Hamilton and Eva was not necessary for exception of the governor of Idaho, who doesn’t eat pie at all. publication, but as a guarantee of good faith. JOHN INGALLS is a man of principle; but he spells it with an a and would sell his soul to get the slightest interest on it. SHOOT Low, young man with a bow, and not with the shot of a rocket, when you aim at a silver sen- ator, for he carries his heart in his pocket. MB: CLEVELAND is that rapacious that ne sends a white-house valentine to his own signature and looks as happy as if he had got it from the general public. TO MISS ANTHONY— Dear girl, more beautiful thou art the older thou hast grown; and that men foolish are ard bad is too acutely shown, for still thou goest alone. THE CONSORT of the queen of Hawaii wasn’t born to the purple, but he gets it even to the blue-black. RTY a valentine with dollar-marks all and to wealth the boon of conquering something which money ca y; and so the whirl- igig of love in time makes all things even, “STARTING OUT ON A SMALL SCALE,” comicbooks.com