Judge — February 7, 1891 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

STRAUSS ON CONSERVATIVE POLITICS. 66\JOT you tink apoudt dot feteral elections bill, ch? You tink she vill got passed mit dis secession off conkress ?” asked Strauss of the newsboy as he leaned against the ice-chest and held his feet up to the stove. “Naw,” said Johnny; “ dey's too conservative. E\ erythin’s gittin’ conservative. Everythin's goin’ slow and careful. William of Germa- ny’s goin’ in for disarma- ment. Nobody dares to say a word agin free coinage of silver. Dey’s all runnin’ wid red flags out and nobody's makin’ schedule time. Behring sea is left to a base-ball umpire. Naw, dey's too conservative to pass dat bill.” “Dot vos a booly vord, dot conswervative. Vot does she means, Chonny ?” spect, Ns id Se rae carelolicprudent, cicutn COMPULSORY CONTRIBUTIONS, 2 : 5 re WESTERN PREACHER (as he gets the drop on his congregation with his six-shooter) Oxectly; unt den Diffenspecker vos all righd,” mused — _« Brother Williams will now pices go arouse the pockets of the brethren and collect Strauss. the three hundred dollars back salary that is now due me, while we all join in singin’ the “Wot's eatin’.yer, Strauss? Wot yer mutterin’ about,” long-meter doxology, * Praise God from whom all blessings flow’; an’ if I catch any of you B blokes turnin’ for your guns, I'll bore a hole through you big enough for an elephant to asked Johnny, play hoss in “Diffenspecker oop in Harlem vos der most. conswervative man dot I can rememper. Circumspection you baed, undt prudent by chim- inetty, but he vos conswervative all der block aroundt,” said Strauss. “Spel it, Strauss; vot vas it?” said the newsboy. “ Diffenspecker you shall oondershtandt vos cuttin’ ice on a leedle river oop in Vestchester county, undt he had his horse undt sleigh undt old voman along to hellup him. Pimeby he sawed oudt a pig load undt got ut on der sleigh undt dot ice she pegins to crack on der river py crashus. Den he toldt der old voman dot his horse cost forty-six tollars, undt he von't risk him dot ice on, but he makes der oldt voman draw dot load across der river, undt he leads dot horse aroundt der pridge ofer. Py chiminetty, but he was con- swervative I baed you.” “Wot become of de old woman, Strauss?” asked Johnny with deep interest. “She vos drown dead der river inside, but der sleigh float on top undt der horse vos all righd,” said Strauss with satisfaction. “ Well, if you ain't got conservative politics down fine Iam a clam. Dey : ginerally leave de old woman in de soup. Sa-a-y, gimme six inches of frank- PRESSED. OUT. furter for a yistiddy's paper. So long, Yarmany,” and the newsboy sallied His GENTLE HELPMATE—" William Julius Musgrave, I understand Out into a small blizzard to sell the rest of his papers. A. 7. WORDEN, you have been contributing to the press on’ Is marriage a failure? Now, what ground did you take?" : i AFTER THE FALL. es Ma, MuscRAVE in a very much mufled fone) —"1 t-took th brback- Adam (to Eve) —" Well, we've got to leave Eden right away. Come on!” H. G. H.—" All right. Now get up and brush your hair.” Eve—" Wait a minute! Is my hat on straight?” AN IMPORTANT COMMISSION. ABrist’s FRIEND —""Great Scott, Dabbler, such a big canvas and an order too! I congratulate you, old man, on your success, Who is the purchaser ?” DAwBLER (Joftily)—“' You'll have to excuse me, That point is a strict secret and I cannot impart it to any one.”