Judge — February 7, 1891 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUD PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. W. J. Ameri. . Gaecom Benxwarp Gittam. Editer. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES AKD CANADA, IN ADVANCE, y, one year.or s2 numbers - $5.00 One copy, six months, of 26 numbers - 3.50 One copy. for 13 weeks nas Including the Cwmistaas JUDGE. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTION ign countries im the post % a year. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING Company (Jupcr Buitpinc), Cor. Fifth A’ ind 16th St., New York. To all for- iL union, (RT We guarantee advertisers a American satirical paper published. The Junan is for sale at Brentane's, 17 Avenue de f Opera, Paris, and by the Amer- ican Newspaper agency at 15 Kine William street, Strand, W.C. Londen. reer circulation at cheaper rates than any ether OEM BY GROVER — How doth the little David B. improve each shining hour. N THE CANVASS for senator Mr. Dana was out of the soup for the reason that he was not in it. . . R, P. FLOWER is a good man, and when he taps his intellect there * follows a rush of dollars. BERNHARDT comes to us with forty- five trunks, not counting the one which disappoints the adder. LYDIA THOMPSON is so young that she calls her daughter ma and nurses dolls with her grandchildren. ‘THE PEOPLE of the alliance have a little success; but they must keep their shirts on, whatever becomes of their socks, MILES is a great general. He showed the Indians that he could whip them if necessary, and then they decided that it wasn’t necessary. OTERO, Spanish dancer, recently slap- ped a man’s face. A woman who can kick with her hands as well as her feet is not a slouch. A FRENCH BALL is really not a prize- ring, as Messrs. Gebhard and Hilliard seem to imagine; if it were the men would be stripped to the waist too. HE ACTION of both houses of con- gress for some time back enforces the necessity of more gun-boats and a very much larger standing army. THE Mrs. Caspan— Mr. Caspar —‘' Not at all. while you were having your hai THE BAYON y not be used at the elections of some of those fresh states. reserved for the inauguration of some one of the several elected state governments, R. PLATT has rescued himself from a great many deep and dismal graves; so that any rejoicing over a few of his later deaths is likely to be premature. Never say good-bye to Thomas till he has got his wings on and begun to sing. tee N KENTUCKY the brother of a murdered man recently shot the assassin’s uncle, This was so unjust that the brother must be hung up. There is nothing in the gospel providing that the sins of the nephews shall be visited upon the uncles. see HE HONORS to be done the late Peter Cooper on the one hundredth anniversary of his birth, in the large hall of Cooper union on the twelfth of February, cannot be too numerous or elaborate. Mr. Cooper's glue was good and his career was magnificent. eee OUNG JIM BLAINE at a party in Baltimore temporarily went with one shoe because the other fitted too much, and one paper says he thereby shocked society. Possibly, possibly; and yet we are quite sure the young man doesn't belong to the farmers’ alliance. & 8" ni\ REVIVAL OF TH ivingston, like it if 1 had my valet synchronize me.” GE THE TRADITIONARY SHELF. WE DO NOT suppose that David B. Hill will ever be president. It is doubtful if he is ever nominated to that office by a national conven- tion. But that the senate is unavoidably a place to hide in is a mistaken assumption. Ninety and nine might hide there, but the hundredth might be precisely the man to get away. Men are a good deal like sheep; but sheep have a leader who is apt to jump all precedent and go precisely where other leaders haven't gone. The late Mr. Columbus had no prece- dent to go by, and so he made one. So with our distinguished but de- parted friends Messrs. Newton, Morse and Franklin. The tatterdemal- ions who whipped King George were equally at a loss for example, and so of our friend Dr. Koch, Because it rains this morning shall it rain every day throughout a century? Precedent is to a large extent accident, though if a man breaks his neck to-day he cannot reasonably be expected to do it right along at regular intervals to the end of time. Precedent is an overgrown fraud. It is the cheap audacity called humbug. Because Henry Clay couldn't be president therefore ought we to have no presi- dent? Precedent makes it impossible for Grover Cleveland to have another term; but if the Republican party relied on that it might find itself in ‘92 at the unhappy altitude of Mr. Gilderoy’s kite. Oh, no! Do not think that David B. is a believer in precedent. He is a bad man who has no respect for this traditionary idiocy. JUDICIAL TYRANNY. ‘ $ JURY. DODGERS “is the term ap- plied by the Boston Traveller to men who seek to avoid jury duty. We have always thought that a man had a right to attend to his own business with- out meddling with the quarrels of his neighbors; and though the jury system has. the respect of most people the authority of the courts to drag men into the jury-box is the nearest ap- proach to tyranny of anything that ex- ists in this country. What system shall take its place? Oh, dear sir, that’s an- other question. WHY WAR? WE MUST ASK the people of the republic of Chili, and peradventure of Brazil, not to cut up so much. Revo- lution is not republicanism; it is action that Senator Benton used to say was too infernally democratic, An argument with powder and cannon-ball is'not more con- clusive than one by word of mouth. “ When you get through,” as Mr. Lincoln you are just where you were when you begun"; and the power of military force will be antagonized as soon as the force runs the other way. It is curious to read that the army of Chili has largely gone over to the insurgents; and that, the ministry of the president of Brazil having resigned, there are indications of war in Brazil. Why war? What good does that do? Republics are not created for that purpose. The ballot-box is made to settle disputes. Small legislatures and large congresses are in session for the purpose of arranging such differences as arise after the settlement. These bodies do the bawling and the hissing and the threatening, and it is better and safer to have it done by deputy. Why war? That is the ultimatum of bogus kings, not of the sovereigns of republics. Look at our national congress, misguided sons of thunder of the South American republics, and see if you can’t learn something. are you crazy? T jooked into your boudoir ir dressed, and thought you'd FORCE AGAINST FAIR PLAY. SPOIL THE WORLD'S FAIR to avenge the elections bill? How in- genious that is! Some people might call it force, or intimidation, but of course no Democrat would be guilty of that. It is rather the diplomacy of the small boy who said, as he caressed tenderly his swollen cheek, “I know what I'lldo. If I can’t whip you I'll blow a tin horn at your aunt. It was alleged by the Democratic press that the passage of the elections bill would be “the making of the Democratic party,” and certainly if a law is bad it is pretty sure to bring defeat to the party responsible for it. Why, then, not let this law go through? It looks as if the Democrats of this country had lost their common sense as well as their manliness. comicbooks.com