Judge, 1891-01-31 · page 6 of 16
Judge — January 31, 1891 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects humorous anecdotes and brief comic sketches typical of late 19th-century American satirical journalism. **Key sections:** The opening poem "Myoptic Eschatology" jokes about a nearsighted person worried about retrieving their glasses in the afterlife—absurdist humor about mortality and material dependence. **Social satire includes:** - A convert losing choir income after becoming Christian (religious hypocrisy) - A "conjecture" mocking Mormon founder Joseph Smith's large family - Ethnic humor featuring Irish characters (O'Grog, the bartender dialogue) - Class commentary on wealthy idlers and servants - A joke about an Englishman's politeness (asking for a hand, receiving a purse instead) - A woman's snobbery about American daughters marrying foreign titles The illustrations feature caricatured working-class and ethnic figures common to period humor. The content reflects Victorian-era attitudes: religious skepticism, anti-Mormon sentiment, ethnic stereotyping, and class consciousness—perspectives modern readers would find dated or offensive.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
MYOPTIC ESCHATOLOGY. AVING aside my glasses clear, Kind squires to halt, myoptic eyes, Blundering among blurred stars, I peer Into the dim, dull-twinkling skies. Some day, ‘mid those faint lights adrift, Wandering past all fancy far, My spirit shall its journey shift From half-seen star to half-seen star. And this daft fear fantastic starts: “In those blurred worlds what shall I do, Lacking the firm material parts ‘To hang my wonted glasses to?” aatos we, WELLS, SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. A SINGLE unguarded moment betrays a whole night’s watch. The determination of a man’s enemies is generally proportioned to that of his friends. Happiness is like a magnetic current in that the circuit must be complete to be effective, and this may sometimes be brought about by the clasping of hands. KATHRIN GROSJEAN. y INCOMPATIBLE, S6LTAVE you ever lost thing by becoming a Christian ?” asked the cler; “Yes,” replied the new con- vert. “I used to get three hundred and fifty dollars a year for singing in the choir, but I have had to give that up.” ‘man. A CONJECTURE She—" 1 wonder w it is that the Smith family is so much larger than any other?” He—*1 guess it must have been founded by Joseph Smith the Mormon.” DIDN'T DIGEST. First tramp —Say, Bill; wot's the matter? Why don’t yer go to sleep?” "Second tramp—*That ar’ mince-pie ain’t digestin’ t tramp —* What piece er mince-pie ?” Second tramp—*Oh, der piece I didn’t get.” Is this youth crazy? Ob, no; it is only Cholly Cally, who has been standing Fi in front of the club for over an hour with his cane in his mouth. ‘The thermometer is at twenty degrees, and the cane has frozen in poor Cholly’s mouth, PRESE Bar-rexper — You'd better skip out of here, O'Grog. Your captain just turned the cornet “ d will be in at the side door in two seconds ! NOT USED TO SHAMS. Mrs. Dittennack —‘! I heard you ring and I came up myself.” Uncie WaNDERSON —"*Glad you did, Pen'lope. ‘That mizzerble hired girl o' yourn tried t’ hide th’ pillers from me ; but, ding her! I found 'm under them curtins.” A MISTAKE. $+ ALICE must have taken young Fitzherbert for an Eglishman.” “Why do you think so?” “Well, he asked her for her hand and she gave him her purse instead.” TO ONE ILL- FAVORED. IF ONCE in mirror you yourself should view, And one so perfect it reflected true, You ne'er would wish to look therein again Were you as sensitive as other men. HE WAS A COLONEL. Mrs, Gargoyle—*| hear your daughter is engaged, Mrs. Gummey.” Mrs. Gummey —" Yes; to a Kentucky gentleman.” Mrs. Gargoyle—" What! And you were always opposed to Amer- ican girls marrying titles !" CE OF MIND, Orricer O'GROG (as his captain enters) —"*And so Oi've caught yez sellin’ afther hours, hoy Oi? Come along widout wan wor-rd if yez don't want a dustin’ wid this shi comicbooks.com