Judge — January 31, 1891 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE HER PERFECT LOVER. HAD a lover once,” she sighed ; “Yes, just before I married you, Who listened when I spoke and tried To answer all my questions too. “*So courteous and so kind —so good! He'd never think a man could be As thoughtless and, indeed, as rude As you too often are to me. “The jewel of my love once won, He used to swear, could ne'er grow dim ; He would not dream that any one Could whistle when / spoke to him! “If be had faults he kept them hid. I should have married him? Yes; true. And that’s exactly what I did. My perfect lover, sir, was —you !” MADRLINE 5. BRIDGES. REMARKABLE FAITH. ‘ sWHat do you think of Downey's talk about that corner lot?” “I don’t know very much about real estate, but a friend of mine believes all that Downey says.” “Who is your friend?” “Downey.” NOT TO BE BORNE. "A SUPPRESSOR OF VICE “Ain't you ashamed of yourself—taking in a poster of ? Brown —"\'ve been in- pti sulted.” Buy —"* You wrong me, _ I'm just getting it out of the way, in Jones—"Newer stand the interests of public morality.” an insult, Brown.” Brown —* Well, this wasn't a direct insult, but one by inference.” Jones —"It doesn't make any difference. 1 wouldn't let Inference or any other man insult me.” BOUND TO MAKE IT A SUCCESS. Bagley —" They tell me, Bailey, that you are about to start a new agricultural pay Bailey. ‘es; the first number will be out next week.” Bagley —"\ suppose it will be better than any other paper of its class?” Bailey—"You can just bet it will. Why, Tive-dollar Charley is going to edit the bunco department.” IN THE DARK. 3 Woopsy Swett—" Say, Fwed, I was calling on my best girl last night, and at half after ten her pa came into the parlor and turned off the gas. What do you suppose the old beggar meant?” Fre OLDuN—" Why, light out, of course.” HAD IT RIGHT. |X 4 LOTTERY-OFFICE. fay I have number fifty-five?” Why do you wish that number?” “ Because my uncle appeared to me in a dream last night with the figure five on each check.” ‘The dealer casts an eye over the numbers he has left and says: “Was his mouth open?” “Wide open.” “Then here you are,” and he handed the un- fortunate dreamer number 505. A PARADOX. HE miser piles up gold on gold : He lives but to increase his store ; And suffers much while he grows old ‘That death shall bid him save no more. No sorrows loose his grasp on pelf ; His heart is dull, his life accurst ; Of all mankind he loves himself, And still he treats himself the worst, AVA LOVETT CARSON. A GOOD DEAL OUT WEST. Eastern man—"1 am willing to wager that seed ly \ there is more mud in New York than in any other z seat big city of the count A FRIGID ACKNOWLEDGMENT. Western man—"1 don’t’ know about that: yoy Sf Erreson =! amtioed that your collie’s collar was getting worn out. Will you accept this Chicago has a good many newsparers.” Miss BurFLo—"* How good of you! Won't you miss it, Mr. Puppson 7” comicbooks.com