Judge — January 24, 1891 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

282 HUM OF THE COURT. POEM to this winter—Waugh! HE KAISER will visit his English grandmother in July, it being un- derstood that there is to be no biting during kissing. 'HE PRINCESS BEATRICE is a fine artist. She is noted for her good taste in everything with the sole exception of her husband Henry. I DONNELLY has evolved a cryp- * togram from the late census re- turns to the effect that he is a horny- handed farmer and consequently a great statesman. RickT NEAR US the mercury marked thirty degrees below zero the other night. It may as well be confessed that the McKinley prices run the other way. MBs: KENDAL is chided by some of her theatrical sisters for saying in effect that she loves her husband, It is shocking; but we are consoled by the thought that the sisters sel- dom do. MB: MORTON says presiding over the senate is hard work and makes him nervous and timid. What, however, if he had to preside over that mean old house of representatives? There is trouble worth talking about. G* Mr. GuzzLeton ance.” ERAL BUTLER has aban- doned the practice of criminal We pay the general a compli- ment in the’ remark that hereafter his criminal clients will stand a chance of having justice done them. Mrs. Guzzieron— at the end of every act law. E. USED to think that beauty was at least skin-deep; but the pictures of supposed beauties presented in the inland papers convince us that it is some distance outside of the cuticle. WHILE IT IS true that Diss Debar, the spook priestess, weighs nearly three hundred pounds, she is made largely of cork, and bobs up with a serenity and a prosperity always and wholly unex- pected. MB. DANA wouldn't occupy a seat in the senate three minutes without introducing a bill providing for the electrocution of all men except General Butler weighing more than two hundred and thirty pounds. CARE to say nothing of the man who has broken his new- year resolutions. We do not wish to incur his enmity, because he has something like sixty-five millions of blushing brothers and sisters, large and small, who feel as bad as he does. MB. GLADSTONE beard of a fight between several wives of a dis- tinguished Mormon, and exclaimed, folding and extending his hands with rapture. “Thank God! home rule is saved.” There are some who don't seem to know what he meant. COMING OUT OF THE THEATRE. * You seemed to be much moved by the perform. fot so much as you were. ADE HAMPTON, who has lost his seat in the senate, was re- cently ‘shot in the eye through the carelessness of his son. Without speaking of the misfortune first men- tioned, how sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a shooting boy. ORE THAN half the voters of South Dakota favor a constitu- tional amendment giving women the suffrage. If the women of that locali- ty deserve the suffrage and really want it they can convert the remainder or make them awfully miserable within a year. THE LATE Mr. Day, who killed his wile, remarked just previous to the hanging that he was going to dwell with the Saviour. The more cowardly and mean a murderer is, the more he has faith in his own salvation. Good men are generally in some doubt. R. KIPLING is a great admirer of Bret Harte; but his characters are as original as Mr. Harte’s were, and the student is as worthy as the master. If Mr. Harte had never lived Mr. Kipling would be famous; but he is better for his tuition, forgetting for the moment his intuition. ‘WO PICTURES in the World of bacilli before taking and after tak- ing lymph show, as far as we can dis- cern, that the lymph is a powerful destroyer; but one suspects that the original intention of the artist was to show up the proud condition and the subsequent wreck of the barge of Cleopatra. SAM BOWTH, a Florida colored man, says he prayed the Lord to let him know how to read, and immediately he took upa bible and read as correctly as if he had got his knowledge in the usual way. We believe that is a lie. We suspect that Mr. Bowth will now pray for a present, and that one of his neighbors will go to his stable to find his horse gone. You moved out PRAISEWORTHY PROGRESS. 46] TELL you we are progressing at St. Louis,” exclaimed an enthu- siastic native of that town, "Indeed “Yes, siree! Why, paper collars are not used there at all now.” “Is that so?” “Quite true; we're using celluloid.” IN THE ANNEXED DISTRICT. Miss Cosely de Cosely (of London) —“And so you are from Chi- cago, Mr. Laker?” Laker — Yes, ma'am.” Miss Cosely de Cosely— Oh, do tell me, in which part of Chicago is this Indian trouble occurring >” A CHANGE OF FRONT. Dracon MULGREAVES — that wuz an f ~ Mrs. MULGREAVES (on “By Jimminey ! awful pooty gal thet jest went by !" shead)—"* Deacon !" comicbooks.com