Judge — January 17, 1891 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THIS OLD JOKE WAS NEW. M FOND of wreaking 4s— But, oh! it isa bore To try to ring the changes on A theme wrung dry before. I sprain my cerebellum with The funniest I can do— ‘Then think who wrestled just as hard When thir old joke was new. T stand the oyster on its head ‘scan each ancient scar To find a new, {resh spot to stick That, sempiternal r. But, ah! the task it is too ‘rd. Tn vain is all my stew— 1 wonder had they months at all ‘When this old toke was new. And se. it is with all the rest That comes the comic way ; No,doubt it all was funny once, thas seen its day. Mayhap the cankered mavin-law Was still amusing to Our anthropoid, progenitors When this old joke was new. of coal, But there's a joke among them all That goes from bad to worse ght-pervading chrpettack, The more I try to ring the change— he hose-astounded mice, My paragraphic purse. The can-can of the caper, and Did Cadmus's self, | wonder, find ‘The she Chicago "That letters wouldn't do, Perhaps Rameses cracked a smile And—bless—the publishers as hard, ‘When these old jokes were new. When this old joke was new? cy. Luma, The thirtcen-lundred “ton” The safe-teposit ice, A BARGAIN. What do you think of that waterproof ? he bargain sale on account of the fire.” Is it damaged much by fire?” Not at all by the fire; only damaged by the water.” Wier — at Lacey's Husras Wire— T bought it down HIS ANCIENT PEDIGRE sep A HILL, “T never ancient lineag “What! never heard of the proverb */ sir! the oldest family in America.” ard of the Hill family being among those of As old as the Hills?” HIS FATE, an account of a robber who fell down the chimney Brooklyn boarding-house right into the grate-fire an hour before he was discovered.” I suppose he was burned to a crisp?” ; he was frozen stiff.” A QUESTION OF PRECEDENCE. Dudley —" Hold on, Singleton ; nobody shall act for Miss Bar- ret in this emergency but myself.”" Singleton —* On what grounds do you interfere, sir Dudley —" Miss Barrett promised to be my wife last night, sir.” | Singleton —" Well, sit, and she promised to be my wife three years HAMILTON, ONE OF THOSE WOODENY CIILDR Mrs. PLEASANTON—"* What a natural-looking doll ! could speak.” THe, DOLL —" Wo ‘Tne cusrovias — It looks almost as if it wow-wow !" Please, ma'am, it's my little brother Jamesey.” SENTENCES PASSED BY THE JUDGE. T IS achoice combination —that of sense and sensibility. The functions of a lover's conscience are all based upon one relation. When one has but a small stock in trade that little is casily arranged. A whole estate of gratitude may be less to its possessor than one little span of love. Absence of ornament need not indicate absence of taste. There may be excuse for the lack; but for ornament misplaced there can be no excuse. It befalls that the pressure of responsibility often engenders devotion to the cause, and one may best love that which tries him most, demands most care, Those who make friendship a passion lose neither force nor princip: inasmuch as the perfect culmination of such tendencies will make passion a STRATEGY son complains that the daily papers copy everything from weekly and don’t give credit.” Secundus —* Well, what's he going to do about it?” Primus—" We's going to change the name of his paper to Exchange.” Primus — his new comi O'ROONEY GETS THERE. Mrs. O'Rooey —"* Shure, Mrs. Finucane, the ould man’s tuk advantage av the frost an’ got a day off, an’ ‘The O'Rooney bein’ a clever man entoirely, has made an illigant sledge for ‘the twins an’ me out av his whalebarrer. comicbooks.com