Judge — January 10, 1891 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE THE LOST MAN. AN EPODE OF THE CENSUS. °M THE felly that was missin’ in the censis, ‘And Hughey Grant he found I was away, And uv yer luke ye'll see the consequences In the ruction down at Washin'ton this day. ‘They've been rowlin’ o'er the bakes, sarchin’ out the cranks and crooks, While the senate grants the shuprame coort a shtay ; And the prisidint looks bored and his secretary's floored Jist because me name lasht summer wint astbray. 1 was visitia’ me cousin in Hoboken, T Vink it was a Chuesday afternoon ; We'd a bite and sup me cousin had Despoken— T cud shwear it was some time in May or June. I got fuller than a goat and was late to catch the boat, ‘And they left me in a goods-box on a dray. Now the counthry’s gone distracted by the way thim fellys acted Whan they thried to ‘noomerate me all that day. ‘They moight have telephoned me at me cousin's Or sint a letther down to where I bord. Sure, the polleece on the avenue be dozens Information av the Murphys cud afoord. But {wile lyin’ there aslape no appointment cud I kape, And the records av the city wint asthray, And the city will deplore ivry loud unconscious shnore ‘That was blightin’ New York's record censis day. ‘They moight have found the poll-list where I voted, ‘And ot me antecedents in the buke. Sure, the Murphys are for votin’ rather noted, ‘And they'll find me in tin precinets av they luke. ‘Thin yer betther make a note av yez iver want me vote; Yer had betther hear what Hughey bas to say, Or ye'll have such botheration from this poor enoomer- ation That the very goats will laugh election day. ‘Yer'll find me up at Hogan's mixin’ mortar— Tam ready now to grant an interview, Or I'll write a letther down to Misther Porter, For be this and that I tink he has a clew. I don’t ax compinsation for me mental botheration, 1 jist want me name set down in black and white ; And if me name you'd know, sure ye'll find it down below, And thin Hugh and I will call the censis right OWRN DENNIS MCMANUS, ae DISAPPOINTED. Limpixc Spook (who has been trailing the surveying- party) —"* Heap nice flask, no good! Don't hold. Waugh!" on the silver question, having misreported himself with as ghoulish glee as if he had represented a daily newspaper. A PICTURE in the Herald makes the senatorial Cinderella slipper about the size of a Saratoga trunk, and gives Mr, Dana a foot so enormous that it couldn't be got into it with the closest packing. E HAVE been so impressed with the holiday articles about making at least one poor family happy that we have frequently insisted on everybody else going right to work in that w: HE HUMILIATION of Speaker Reed is frequently mentioned and pictured in the Democratic press; but the speaker is as unruffled as an uncaught bird whose home is in the rising sun. HE KILLING of Sitting Bull means an end of Indian wars just as soon as the existing one has been fought out, and consequently that the Indian agent will soon be one of our leading millionaires. USED TO IT. Lavy (to applicant for footman's place) — “Your appearance is rather against you. Are you used to waiting?” Apriicant—" Waiting !_ Begorra, I think 60. I've been waiting four hours to see yez, ma'am, and I haven't set eyes on yez till this, blessed minute,” AM COX is to have a monument in Chicago, the cost of which will be paid by the local letter- carriers. It is the modest monument that goes up quickly; it is not buried by its own greatness and the consequent expense. HUM OF THE COURT. [7 18 THOUGHT by many In- dians that the government is “heap big liar,” the impression having become particularly em- phatic since the late elections. RS. O'SHEA is divided in her ambition. She doesn’t know whether to elevate the stage or write a book. Perhaps she had better elevate her morality and keep her mouth shut. TO SECURE a divorce in Dakota it is only necessary for the person to reside in the state ninety days. With this generally known the state of Illinois will presently be depopulated. ++ EEP THE LARKS singing in your heart,” says a lady member of the Chicago physica club. We don’t believe a lark got into anybody's heart, and if it did it couldn't sing there. GREAT EFFORT is being made to show that Mr, Cleve- land is not where he said he AS FAR AS HER MIND WENT. Miss Hicimivp—"* What did you think of Signor Travello, the new tenor ?* Miss Gippyairt, —" Oh, I thought his mustache was simply stunning !" comicbooks.com