Judge — November 22, 1890 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE MODERN EVIL. SING of her whom maidens scorn, But men must tolerate; A personage society-born, ‘An antidote to fate. Love laughs at bolts and bars, they say, But Cupid is outdone By one who's ever in the way— I mean the chaperone. She catches every whisper low ; She intercepts each sigh; Each tender look she seems to know, And naught escapes her eye. Her sight is keen, her hearing good, Her heart is like a stone; ‘And no man ever understood The wicked chaperone. She ruins blissful corner-talks ‘Whene'er she has a chance, And like some grinning phantom stalks To theatre and dance. Her word is mightier than fate, Despair and she are one ; Yet lovers would conciliate The dreaded chaperone. Ho, lovers! tender youth and maid, Come join your voice with mine: Show all the world you're not afraid— Gain courage at love's shrine. Rise in your might and majesty; Let none ber faults condone, A HOMEOPATHIC DOSE. ‘And crush this omnipresent she— CHAIRMAN OF COMMITTEE (outside the club-rwindow)—"* Don't be alarmed, gentle- ‘The hateful chaperone. man ; you've had the exclusive right of staring at us for so long we thought we'd stop TLAVEL SCOTT SUINRS and take a look at you /" SC\VVILL THE MUGWUMPS be there?” asks the Sun, speaking of the world’s fair. Let us not expect too much. The dodo probably will, and that ought to be enough to satisfy any reasonable person, Mé: BALFOUR discovers on investigation that men and women maliciously die in Ireland with the base purpose of showing that there is a famine there. We must have the old song revised. It must read, “It is sweet for one’s coun- try to starve.” ‘THE DEMOCRATIC PRESS is real grieved at the judg- ment of the administration in the Barrundia case. We do hope that some day the administration will do something to please it. To be obliged to be displeased and sad all the time is truly tough. + ¢'THE READER,” says a mention of one of R. Kipling’s stories, “so loses himself in a description of a terrible fight that he imagines himself a part of it and reads breathless tothe end.” That can hardly be. If the reader lost himself like that he would throw down the book and run away. THE MAN who does the mother-in-law joke will be aston- ished to learn, from the Chicago Aa‘?, that the grand- mother, of whom he has said many pathetic things, is also of Commuter (fo young man who has whistled a combination of “Annie Rooney" and ity a mother-in-law. Probably he never thought of her “Annie Laurie” for ten miles)—* Young feller, don't your mouth get dry once in a; ‘ reece pa era while?” in that way, and the information we trust will bring him THE YOUNG MAN (sawing off a bar)—"' Thanks ; whatcher got?" HUM OF THE COURT. THE WOMAN lives the longest. For any five veteran soldiers long since dead there is an average of a hundred and fifty-two widows. GENERAL SHERMAN, it is said, can shake hands better than any other eminent Ameri- can, He does it in this way. When he comes to the girls he omits the shake. JUDGE DUFFY is not to be wholly condemned for his eccentricities of trial and conviction; but then his victims are not to be wholly con- demned for their eccentricities of judgment and remark. Me: CLEVELAND, it is said, gets a check for fifty thousand dollars for his appearance in a single case. That indicates such excellent health that he is likely to put ten thousand dollars in the mugwump pot in 1892. HE CHICAGO PAPERS say the great west gui : i oe A Seine’ to count ‘sery Wrgey ab the words SHE EMPHATICALLY HAD BEEN THERE. fair. Very good; and if the great west counts very E) : SEN THERE. . : f Dempster —" That's the wedding-march from ‘Lohengrin.’ Very impressive, isn't it?” largely on the aid and comfort of the great east it Mrs. Wotrair (from Chicago) —" Recher; but do you know, I got so tired of it that, during is not going to be disappointed. my last few ceremonies, I've insisted on dropping it for something else.” COPPERED. comicbooks.com