Judge — November 15, 1890 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE THE OLD HOMESTEAD. (To Den. Thompson.) HATE! quaint portrayer of the native soul And heart which swell beneath the homespun coat, And restive, lion-like, spurn all control, But fly obedient to want's weakest note. Thy love like flowers beneath New England's snows Waiting the spring-time on the gran- ite hills ; Ready thy tears as spring-time's overflow ‘When hearts are melted with some other's ills. Such were the early stock of sturdy sires, Weary of tyrants and law's slow delays, Who built along the hills the beacon-fires That, spreading fast, set all the world ablaze. No knightly panoply was theirs; just simple folk In homespun garb, whose charity was broad As their own hearthstones, whose ascending smoke Rose as a thankful incense up to God. ‘A nation thanks thee, Thompson, for the proof That there be homely scenes we might portray, ‘And native virtues now kept far aloof, Grand as our lakes or vast Niagara ; And where the tawdry mimes rehearse a dream With tinsel armor and a sword of lead, And padded panders prance and spangles gleam, Give us an honest thought or laugh instead. ‘A:T. WORDEN, THE NEW BRAND. +4 ]5 YOUR husband a great smoker?” “Yes ; he’s hardly ever without a cigar in his mouth.” “ High-priced cigars too, I presume?” “Yes; nothing but McKinleys.”” MISLEADING. Freddy Fangle— Papa, couldn't the old patriarchs af- ford to buy their clothes ?” Fangle—" Certainly. Why?” Freddy Fangle— Because the bible says, ‘They rent their garments.” ” ONE WAY TO TAKE IT. Mrs, Burkry—" Jonathan Burkey, you stop annoyin’ your poor old grandpop or you'll git th’ slipper ‘plied to ye JONATHL me t’ blow it down his throat with my bean-shooter. —'‘Lain't ‘noyin’ him. He's goin’ t’ take a pill fer his rheumatiz, an’ he asked 85 AN UNPLEASANT FEATURE. TWO professional blind beggars. “I say, Bill, what makes me that disgusted with this biz I could chuck it up any day is, that bein’ supposed to have lost the use of our heyes we can’t kick the slightest kick when some bloke goes and drops a bogus coin inter the ‘at and then prances off lookin’ vartuous, like as if he'd gone an’ done a hact o’ charity.” THE NEW YORK LUNCHEON. Stranger (from Syracuse) —" Does Lawyer Pettibone go home to his dinner at noon?” Clerk —" No, sir; Mr. Pettibone wouldn't have the time to spend in the busiest part of the day.” Stranger —" How long has he been out to luncheon now?” Clerk — Oh, about three hours.” AVENGING A SLIGHT. Tommy Livermore (af his brother's wedding) —* | reckon when he finds that he'll wish he'd invited me along with th’ rest.” FEARED TO OVERDO THE MATTER. CN INDEPENDENCE day a package of torpedoes was given to little Lilian to celebrate with. After a time she was discovered looking for soft uncovered places between the flagging on which to drop them. Being asked why she did so she answered, “So they won't make so much noise.” MOONSHINE: 'HE moon shines down for two short weeks: And then a rest a while it seeks, While on the clouds the fairies sit And try to shine it up a bit. UNCONSCIOUS HUMOR. She — Is there any humor in Ward McAllister’s book?” He—* Not that Ae knows of.” Eb TOOK IT OUT IN TRADE. a DID that bogus minister ever pay back that four dollars he borrowed of you?” “ No—ye—that is, I took it out in trade.” “In trade?” “Yes; I had him marry me.” LITTLE TIN SAINTS, Mary—"t has gone so far that no respectable people read the newspapers now.” 5 Anne—“That's a fact, Did you ever read anything like that divorce case in the Evening Moon ?” Mary —" No; I never did.” comicbooks.com