Judge — November 8, 1890 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. W. J. Anxeut, Beenwarp Gittast 1. M. Guacony, Editor, TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITRD STATES AND CAKADA, IN ADVANCE. ‘One copy, one year. or s2 numbers - $5.00 ‘One copy, six months, or 26 numbers = "2.50 ‘One copy: for 13 weeks = == 25 Including the Curistatas Jupce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS To alt for- ‘tign countries in the postal union. @ year. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING ComPANy (Juncer Buipino), Cor. Fifth Ave. and 16th St.. New York. $97 We guarantee advertisers a larger circ American satirical paper published. The Joncn ts for sale at Rrentane's. 17 Avenue de € Opera, Paris, and by the Amer- ican Newspaper decency at 1s Kine William street. Strand W.C, London. WE FEEL that it Have you registered ?” ation at cheaper rates than any other is not too late to present the late popular interroga- And if so, did it take? SOME PICTURES of women-candidates inspire us with the hope that they were elected, because that will enable them to look as if they felt better. [SRAEL LOVE of Wisconsin, eighty years old, recently married for the sixth time. Oh, yes. To be sure. We recall that question by W. Shakespeare. GOVERNOR CAMPBELL used to be a Republican, and quite naturally not only he but his legis lative compatriots feel that he is better than his party. HERE ARE SOME. beggars who insist on gifts of not less than a quarter because of the new tariff law; and as for the waiters $ they want to tip the climax with a round dollar. ‘ QUR LITTLE governor gets up his own electioneering tours and apparently pays the expense of them. Then, after a visit or two, the people he visits know who he is, and there’s his little boom. THE EFFORT of the Bartelots to bring discredit upon Stanley must inevitably fail. ‘The fame of Stanley has about thirty years the start of it,and it has only one leg and a few falsehoods to travel with. O'REAGAN—"'It's a g wid it.” eee AS THE DISTRICT-ATTORNEY was assisted in his prosecution of Dr. McGonegal by Judge Bedford and the reporters of the Evening Sun and Evening World, the wonder is that the old man wasn’t sent up for several years beyond his natural life. P, FLOWER is chided by his Democratic friends. for not sending * men out on the stump. Why go to that needless expense? There are the speeches of R. P. F. in countless millions, and his frank to enable them to go through the mails for nothing. ce A YOUTH in Georgia is the last man up to date to abscond on the day set for his wedding and leave his prospective wife to get along as best she can under the insult and disgrace. The evils that this new tariff law is bringing upon us are both countless and heart-rending. cee ‘THE DAY will come,” says a Washington barber, “when all brainy men will be bald.” If that is the case there will be great money in a hair-demolisher extensively advertised; for all hairy men want to be thought brainy and are willing to pay almost anything for the customary symptoms. SOME METHODIST INTEMPERANCE. [7 HAS BEEN decided by the Methodist conference of Michigan that smoking is sinful. Probably the intention is to condemn bad tobacco, for there is nothing very much better than good tobacco when it is used A NEGLECTED FEATURE. ine meerscham Oi got f'r me birt'day.” CoNLAN (twho prefers a short one)—" Sure, yure nose must feel lonesome moderately. To condemn all smoking because some smoking is bad would be as foolish as to condemn all chimneys because some chimneys have the smoking habit. And, while good tobacco adds largely to the wealth of this country, it is the chief luxury the poor man has—the only one that most poor men have. The most that can be said against it is that it is unnecessary. It might be added that it is unclean, but the man who would use tobacco in that way would take his food in a similar man- ner. It is certainly not sinful; and we must chide the conference for its gross intemperance of language in calling it by that word. OUR CHIEFEST FOUR. ‘THE DEMOCRATIC PUMP has been supplying Mr. Blaine’s eyes with tears as a result of Harrison's welcome out west; and we dare say it would have pumped a few laughs for Mr. Reed as a result of Blaine’s discomfiture if it had deemed such a course advisable. Ah, how dreadful these Republican quarrels are! and how ceaselessly the pump goes on in the great work of their production and continuance. Presently Mr. McKinley will be prancing about the arena, and then the pump will use its handle to knock the pugilists all out and make them perish in their own gore. MERCY FOR THE MURDERED. N EXPERT testifies that Kemmler died instantly and painlessly, and that electrocution is the surest, quickest, most efficient and least painful method of execution yet devised. ‘Thus the rights of the mur- derer have been established, and now let us hope that that individual will give some slight attention to the least painful method of putting his vic- tim out of the world. Usually he is brutal to the last degree. His vio- lence is indecorous and his mercy has not yet been discovered. His weapons are usually the club and the revolver rather than the sooth- ing opiate and the gentle electric current. Why can he not do some- thing for his inoffensive prey when science does so much for him? THE BOSTON SHOCK. BOSTON STRAINS its idea of morality to find the objection- able in a play, liberal as it is with regard to the objectionable in books. The play it has Comstocked was really a disappointment to the las- civious, and but for the lying which advertised it as a lewd production nobody would have seen anything improper in it. There is not a bal- let which is not more suggestive than the figure objected to, and not a stage dance by any woman or women which is not more obvi- ously improper in the view of the theatre-going individual who is looking for impropriety. The play is bad enough as a whole, and the spectacle chiefly relied on to make it notorious is the least noticeable part of it. A LONG-FELT NECESSITY. HERR MOST says he will go to Europe if the authorities will not pros- ecute his bail. He can be spared, we think; and in fact the dear man ought to be given a purse that will take him across and drop him. Not too much, you know; just enough to keep him comfortable on the vay over. We shall miss him; but duty is imperative, and charity is always beautiful. Isn’t there a steamer that will start during the next five minutes? DAVID IN OHIO. THE ENTHUSIASM with which Governor Hill was received in Ohio was very touching, and at times even pathetic. The typical old-time Democrat was numerous and hilarious’ and confident. “ Young man,” said Uncle Pound, otherwise known as Rip Van Winkle, “you're young and strong, and "— feeling the governor's biceps—“I guess you'll do for ‘92. What isthe state of the Democratic exchequer?” Then spoke up Uncle George Slyman, “with curlycue whiskers, brown jeans and hickory stick,” and said he, shedding tears effusively, “I want to shake hands with the man who said s a Democrat and didn’t give a blank who knew it,” that being his idea of cheek, or rather courage; and adding in a deep, hoarse, impressive whisper, "" Have you a quarter about you?” And so it went all through; so that the governor felt as if he had carried Ohio two years before the national election comicbooks.com