Judge — October 11, 1890 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. W. J. Ament. uxxnan Gittas 1M. nv, Editor. TERMS TO SUBSCKIBERS, UNITED STATES AND CANADA, IM ADVANCE. One copy,one year. or sa numbers - $5.00 ‘One copy, six months, or 26 numbers - 2.50 ‘One copy. for 13 weeks == = tas Including the Curistwas Jvpce, FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS To all for cign countries im the postal union. 6 a year, THE JupDGe PUBLISHING Company (Jupcer BuILntnc), Cor. Fifth Ave, and 16th St., New York. EB We guarantees advertisers a American sa aber published. The Joon is for sate at Brentans's. 17 Avenue de COpera. Paris, and by the Amer- écam Newspaper agency at 15 Kine William street. Strand W.C, London. irger circulation at cheaper rates than any other THE REPUBLICANS point to the late congress with pride. The Democrats view it with alarm. whbce THE JUDGE'S compliments to the Louisiana lottery company, and how do they like its cartoons? eee HOW TO MAKE a success of electrocution—Sentence the murderer to serve ten minutes as a lineman. eee N HOC SIGNO VINCES—which, being translated, says, “With this tariff we'll lick the Democratic party out of its boots.” +4 MURDER,” says the Buffalo Courier, “is getting to be too popu- lar in Buffalo.” Oh for an hour of Sheriff Cleveland! CTOR SULLIVAN in an art bar- room the other day imagined himself in the house of represent. atives and nearly kicked the bar down. eee HE TRUE TYPE of the Demo- cratic party is the man who kicked the door down. It is a community of kickers and goes in hob-nailed shoes. cee FRENCH JOURNALIST says dueling is better than going to law, anyhow, ‘That is the strongest gument for dueling that we have seen yet. DREADFUL MAN that Kilgore of Texas. Some day he'll get so mad that he'll stab himself with the first syllable and die in the last half of his name. them.” THE DEMOCRATS have been shrieking for years, “Abolish the war tariff!” It is done, and well done; but they didn’t do it when they had the chance. eee T WAS ORDERED that the last meeting of the Democratic state committee should last half an hour, whereas everybody knew it ought to occupy thirty minutes less. eee SEVERAL THEOLOGIANS believe that the judgment day is at hand, and there are many Democrats in Maine and Vermont who feel as if it had come around already. SMUGWUMPS are dictatorial,” frankly says a mugwump journal. Yes, indeed; and the firmness with which they order the wind to blow west when it blows east is worthy of much praise. eee N,, P: BANKS, the original mugwump, has somewhat repented of his mugwumping, but the Republicans of his district ‘think they can do without him now better than he used to do without them. ssYOU HOARY-HEADED old thief,” says the Voice to the Even- ing Post,a few lines after the words “Friend Post.” The good Doctor Funk ought not to be friendly to company of that kind. A WOMAN of Ohio sixty years old has sued a man of Ohio sixty years old for kissing her, and wants two thousand dollars for the DOWNING A MONSTROSITY. BULLINGER (from Oszvego) —"* How is it, Tom—can't you New- Yorkers afford to’ buy seal-skin caps?” His crry cousty —"' Yes, we can; but we can’t afford to tear injury. ‘The money should be paid. The man who does that kind of osculation ought to be relieved of his entire fortune. MB: HOWELLS says Rudyard Kipling is guilty of “ knowingness and swagger.” That may be pardonable in so young a writer, and the more so as he seems to be wholly unconscious of it; and we are aware, William Dean, that that is as much as to say it's no such thing. THE “COLONELS” ABROAD. CSE GETS very tired of the American, invented by the newspaper writers, who goes about Europe with a drawn revolver, making hotel-clérks and others get down on their knees and beg his pardon. He is a bully and various other kinds of ruffian. He smells of whisky and is voluble with a coarse and forbidding mouth. It is the scream -of the eagle with a new and a. more objectionable loudness than the ‘original one. If there were sucha man the quiet but vigorous average American abroad would kick him into the Atlantic ocean and tell him to swim home. OUR JIM’S RECIPROCITY. THE AVIDITY with which the Democratic party claims Mr. Blaine, on the+ground that. reciprocity is free trade, shows an appreciation of our largest Ameri¢an which is gratifying from many points of view; but it has been frequently decided that that free trade which claims to own everything that is stolen is not legitimate except among a class of men whose claims neither the law nor the gospel recognizes. While the Democrats may be permitted to borrow our Jim occasionally, they really can’t have him for keeps. In good truth they haven't an estab- lishment large enough to accommodate him, and if they had he would kick its roof off ten minutes after they got him into it. TIME AND THE JUDGE, THIS NUMBER begins the nine- teenth volume of the JUDGE His honor covers his bones with more than the average evidence of good living and prospegity; but he will never be so fat as to lose his grace or so old that he cannot on occasion trip the light, fantastic toe or work his pipes to the music of the seasons and the years. If you love him as he loves you no scythe shall cut those loves in two. HOW WE GROW! LET EVERY CITY be its own census-maker and the result will show such an amazing increase in population that the spirit of the late Mr. Daboll will shrink back appalled. Then shall be written on the back of every census-report the great word Boom; and shortly there- after there will be civil war between every two rival cities in the United States. Mr. Porter won't do. The trouble is that there are not figures enough’ in Robert's arithmetic. THE TIME TO GUSH. M&- POWDERLY, in mentioning Mr. Depew as an after-dinner gusher, reminds us of the fact, which may be of some use to strikers, that it is not well, even if it is possible, to gush onan empty stomach. Gushing, like other emotional utterance, must be done prop- erly and in order. Get your gush ready, but emit the same only at the carefully selected moment. A GREAT TARIFF VICTORY. HE REPUBLICAN PARTY of 1890 has the courage that possessed it in 1860. It believes it knows what is right, and it proposes to establish the right if it can, regardless of the danger attending the effort. It fought out the war, and now it will fight out the tariff that was a necessity of the war. To change tariffs is always dangerous, so many interests are affected by the act and so impossible is it to suit everybody; but a tariff founded on justice, as is the one which has just become a law, will surely be ratified by a majority of the people, how- ever individuals may temporarily suffer from it. At all events, in the existing tariff is a large portion of the Republican platform of 1892. Look at it, Weigh it well. Judge it fairly and honestly. The party lives’ or dies by it; and the party is not afraid of its responsibility. comicbooks.com 1