Judge — September 6, 1890 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE “The czar never rides in his carriage now.” "* Why 2" “He has discovered a revolutionary tendency in the wheels,"—Detroit Free Press. ve caught cold twice this week," remarked a de- tective. ‘You always were a lucky fellow,” said one ot his fellow-officers.— Washington Post. A man sat down on a hornets’ nest ; Quick his form uprose and fell. It rose like a shot, but it didn’t rise One-half as high as his yell. —Philadelphia Times, Mrs. Wixstow’s SooTHING SyruP for Children Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhoza, "25 cents a bottle. “TL have hada delightful evening,” he said as he took his hat and rose to go. ** May I call again?" ‘I shall be glad to sce you.” she replied, with a blush. As he walked out into the hall he saw in the mirror of the hat- rack a reflection of the roguish girl slyly throwing a kiss at him, and he turned back. ‘* I must have that in the original package,” he whispered. was a Kansas young man and he got it i When Baby was sick, we When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria, When she became Miss, sho clung to Castoria, When she bad Children, she gave them Castoria, One of the latest feminine crazes is a mottoed robe de nuit. ‘The mottoes are sometimes placed upon the bot- tom of the skirt, the cuffs and shield front or yoke, and always margined about by a wreath of flowers, The girls are vying with each other in the quaintness of their mottoes.” Favorite quotations are, Forget the world and all its cares,” ‘Come, thoughts sweet as in- cense crushed from flowers,” and other equally sweet and appropriate ideas.—George Jones in New York Times, R BROTHERS Oe | 33 UNION SQUARE. NEW YORK, | MATCHLESS | CENTS ren PACKAGE. ‘Anall-tobacco, Long Filler Cigarette, the most delicious "and wholesome smoke ever offered for the money. CONSOLIDATED CIGARETTE Co, ‘Ave. D and roth St., New York. inal eUnited tates ea * The BARKER BRAND c LINEN COLLARS OLUT ELY CARL PRETZEL'S PHILOSOPHY. Charidy vas one of der cardinal firtues~ so vas a red- headed female vimmens. F It vas been said dot yooth vas der morning of life. Tdink it must hafe been a nite prowler, Ofer der wants of poferdy once got satisfactions dhere would been no more of dot afilicktions. ‘A goot shtory vas yoost like a jackass. Vhen der tail vas oxtended you pooty gwick get der benefit. Der milk of human kintness dot vas oxtended to you py some fellers vas unheldy ; oxpressly ven der gream jon dot vas scummed off. Some fellers vas alvays dryin’ to durn a summer laff into der melonchollic gry of fall. Reckermember Atam got shnaked pooty gwick der garten of Eve out for dot. Ofer a man he got a black und blue heart, dot’s besser you don'd got marriet mit him, It vas easier dot a mile st vas hung your neck around und you got drowned in der vet vasser as to been one of hi Boker's Bitters since 1828 acknowledged to be by far the best and finest Stomach Ditters made, whether taken pure or with wines or liquors AND OTHER CORDIALS. Strive as we may, we never can ‘Tell who are happy, who forlorn ; ‘The cutest little shoe of tan May hide a very painful corn. a —Chicago Post. Mrs. Brown —"* You don't sem to have a very high opinion of your husband's ability.” Mfrs. Malaprop— “No; he's a very ignorant man. Last night he spoke of persons acting in concert whe jould have known they only sang at such entertainments.""—Zpoch, “Tis contradictory in terms— “Tis curious how words group— Yet the man ‘who isn't in it” Is always ‘‘in the soup, —San Francisco Bulletin, valescent and You should walk ten, twenty, thirty miles a day, sir, but your walking should have an object.” Patient—"All right, doctor, I'll travel around trying to borrow enough to pay your bi New York Weekly. * You are now co! all you need is exercise. High-priced doctor Police magistrate—"' Did you see the beginning of this trouble?" IVitness—"* Yes, sir; 1 saw the very commencement. It was about two years ago. years ago?" “*Yes, sir. ‘The parson said, have this man to be thy wedded husband ? and she said *Twill."—London Star. ‘The women are awfully polite. Meet a woman and tell her she is looking well and she will say, ** Ye: have been feeling very well lately.” Let the next per- son who meets her tell her that she is looking badly and she will agree that she is sick, and has not felt well all summer. ‘They are so polite that they will agree with every one.—A tchison Globe. “Throw physic to the dogs,” and use Angostura Bit- ters for good digestion and a healthy appetite. Sole Mfrs, Dr. J.G. B. Sons, Ask your druggist. “Ah, yes: his was a wasted li sighed the bald- headed gentieman, “Was he dissipated? Had he an- tipathy for work? Was he a gambler, a lover of fast horses, a"—— ‘Nay, nay,” interrupted the bald- headed gentleman, “none of these, but worse ; far worse! He spent his life endeavoring to raise vegetables which should remotely resemble the gorgeous specimens he had seen in the seedsman's catalogue.”—Boston Transcript, “My dear,” said the husband of a literary woman, coming into the room where she sat writing, ‘could you sew this loop on my sus"—— ‘* No, I couldn't !” was the sharp and decisive answer. ‘Can't you see I'm busy?" And the husband, glancing over her shoul- der, saw that under the head of “Advice to literary women" she was just writing, ‘Of all things never let your literary duties interfere with your husband's com: fort."— West Shore. BEST NEW YORK ATTRACTIONS. BROADWAY THEATRE. Francis Wilson Opera Co. in" NEW PARK THEATRE. Hanlan & Hart in“ Later On," § p.m. [ST KIN: apie ant Merry Monarch,” 8 p. m, It is an awful strain on’a woman's patience to have a husband who thinks he knows how to cook.— Zerre Haute Express. ‘The man who knows everything labors under a mis- apprehension. He seems to think that everybody wants to hear everything. He is wrong.—Dallas News, THE KAISER’S FAVORITE Champagne is “Cabinet Sekt,"" of Kloss & Foerster, Freyburg. Thomsen & Co., 87 Wall st., sole agents, “1 tell you there is no such disease as It is all imagination.” Undelievi. fayman—" What does the word * hydrophobia’ mean Physician—" It means a preternatural dread of water.”* Unbelieving layman —" And you say there is no such disease? You should take a trip to Kentucky."—C&i- cago Inter-Ocean, Physician — hydrophobia. HE NEW HOLLENDEN, of Cleveland, Ohio, is the most magnificent hotel in’ the west. American and European plans. * said Algernon’s father, ¢ it, I'd stay in this climate about five “Where would you go?” ‘Anywhere that the disease didn't." ** But how would you make a liv. * Work, of course.” "* Work?” echoed Alger- V1 father, that's worse than the igton Star, NEW KODAKS “You press the button, we do the rest.” Seven New Styles and Sizes. Transparent Films. For sale by all Photo. Stock Dealers. THE EASTMAN COMPANY, Send for Catalogue, Rochester, N.Y. THE CELEBRATED ‘Aro at present the Most Popolar and a ropa on Pate oy Lng Nt Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 East 14th St., WY. SOHMER & CO, s Cwicaco, 111, 296 State Street; Saw Francisco, Cat. Union Club Building; St. Lous, Mo., 1522 Olive Street; Kansas Crry, Mo., 1123 Main Street 5" vee. Gentlemen's Hats Universally acknowledged the BEST that can_be made, Irrespective of Price. Illustrated circular, prices, etc., mailed free on application. N. ESPENSCHEID, Salesroom, 118 Nassau St., NEW YORK. NEW F YORK. Agencies throughout the United States. Day’s Diamond Paste. CONDENSED AND DRY. _The beauty of it, you add the water and then i's ready The FMP EMIAT, TV ORY brand for PHOTOGRAPHERS and HOUSEHOLD tse just out, NEW YORK OFFICE, 93 BARCLAY STREET. FACTORY, ALBANY, N. ¥. $BSend 25 cents in stamps for sample box Imperial Ivory,