Judge — August 30, 1890 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AUGUST IDLINGS. His question, her answer. HAT are diamonds, pearls, to me?” “Simple stones from mine and sea.” “Dost thou not their value prize?” “When my beauty in thine eyes Is enhanced by jewels’ light ‘They are precious in my sight.” Her question, hit answer. “ What are wines, cigars, to m “* Props of comfort made to be ! ‘Thou dost then their value prize?” “Chief among my best supplies Rank cigars and liquors rare ; ‘Thou art next, my lady fair.” The world's question. “Men and women, brave and fair, Tell me, prithee, frank and square, Which the wiser of the twain, Which found more of joy or pain?" ADELAIDE WILSOx CORRECT. Teacher —"F reddy Fangle, what is the capital of Louisiana?” Freddy—" The lottery com- pany.” [8.4 €O2V tittle cellar on the east side of the town « Dwells the genius who concocts the yellow freeze. He's a quiet sort of fellow, and you never would suppose He could ever kidlet’s system try to tease. But could you stand beside him as he mixes up the dose, And see the base ingredients by the ream, You'd agree with me from wayback that he never was A CHICAGO WEDDING. oop WILL.” Softly yet distinctly came Birdie Gettyfender’s answer to the question of the venerable minister, “Wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband?” Softly though the words were spoken they fell with crushing force on the heart of F, Longfellow Drest- beef, who viewed the proceedings from behind a pillar just under the gallery. Mr. Drestbeef was one of Chicago's rising young business men. He had made much money, and the manufacture of lucre was still in progress. He loved the fair Birdie, but his hated rival, Mr. Bucephalus Steem- rendered, had been ahead of him in proposing marriage. As Birdie’s motto was, “First come, first served,” she had said yes to Mr. Steem- rendered, even as she now had said yes to the minister. Birdie knew that Mr. F. Longfellow Drestbeef loved her, for he had told her so, He had told her this only twenty-four hours later than the period of Mr, Steemrendered’s avowal; and Birdie had replied : “Well, Longie, you are a day late. Had you spoken yester morn, or even as late as seven p. m., it might have been as you wish.” But you'll give me the next chance, won't you?" cr impetuously. Yes,” replied Birdie. I have said that the bride was fair. This was no mere figure of speech such as is used daily by the society reporters. I repeat it, Birdie was fa the man ed the young ALL. Mr. Betts—" Golly! Tete Johnsing’s done knocked de watermelon over- board wif him !* ‘To be trusted with creation of ice-cream. A DEMON'S BREW. First he takes some corn-starch screenings from the baker on the block, And amalgamates with glucose with a spade, ‘Then a quantity sufficient of the skimmest kind of milk, With a pinch-of yellow ochre for the shade ; Now a passé, weary lemon for the flavor weeps its tears, And the whole refrigerated makes a dream ‘That will make the eager youngster when he puts away the stu‘T Double up and softly bellow, "* Oh, I scream ! Why should she not have been? She was young. Only twenty-two summers had passed over her head, and the man at whose side she stood at the chancel was only her sixth husband. Four of Mr. Steemrendered’s predecessors were at the ceremony, and they, toa man, wished him joy. The other was dead. And now the procession comes down the aisle. Young Mr. F. Longfellow Drestbeef keeps his eye on the face of the bride and a sullen frown on his own. In the vestibule there are hurried congratulations and best wishes, and while four of Birdie’s previous husbands are calling down unlimited joy on the bridegroom's head Mr. Drestbeef approaches the bride with hand extended and says in a low voice: “In congratulating you, Mrs. Steemrendered, I must beg to remind you that the next ceremony is mine. Yes, Longie,”* replied the happy bride after consulting her tablets; “T have your name down next. You'll w months, won't you, love ?”” Then the newly-married pair were hurried into a carriage and were gone. HANDS TO THE Cutoxvs—" Allin! Dat striper beats bass all hoiler , comicbooks.com