Judge, 1890-08-09 · page 7 of 22
Judge — August 9, 1890 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several disconnected humorous sketches typical of Judge's satirical format: **"Caught Irrevocably"** depicts a skeleton dancing with a woman, illustrating the common Victorian memento mori trope about death catching us unaware. **"The Jacqueminot"** is a romantic poem about a man whose beloved's rose intended for him lands instead on a fat bass drummer in the orchestra—only to discover the drummer is her husband. It satirizes romantic pretension and ironic disappointment. The remaining pieces are brief social comedy sketches: a bachelor defending bachelorhood, observations about female modesty (with Victorian double-standard humor), and commentary on fashionable affectations like reading Russian novelist Tolstoi. The page reflects Judge's typical mix of visual gags, light verse, and snappy social commentary mocking Victorian manners, gender relations, and contemporary intellectual fashions—all designed to amuse the magazine's middle-class readership with gentle, topical humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
CAUGHT IRREVOCABLY, Deacon Ronesox —“'Is the rector at home, Mrs. Spoondyke ?” Rev. Mr. “Ves; he went up garret more'n an hour ago to find You can go right up; he’s always glad to see you. POONDY KE — jugular that time. hat was a lolla! Got him right under the Come on, ak, and get another!” THE JACQUEMINOT. HE tossed me a rose from the box where she sat With the shadowy light on her face, Under the brim of her pluméd hat Smiling with girlish grace, I sang to he 1 _her eyes met mine, As she threw me the flower from her hair, With a shy sweet look that was half divine, Like the dew on the Jacqueminot rare, Tut her aim was as bad as her eyes were sweet, And it swayed from her slim, white hand, And instead of fluttering to my feet It fell on a man in the band. A fat; bald man with a big bass-drum And an Eiffel-red tinge to his nose, And he smiled to himself as he saw it come— My beautiful Jacqueminot rose ! She shrank back under the curtains dim As he fastened it over his breast, And out through the footlights I glared at him With a scowl of fierce unrest. But I calmed the heat of my bosom's strife And I went to the box to see; And I learned that she was the fat man’s wife And it hadn't been meant for me! UNREASONABLE, A HARDENED bachelor thus replied to the cri cisms of some friends who upbraided him for not taking a wife: “You certainly could not expect. me to marry a woman foolish enough to have mi who'd b < HER MODESTY. [ her on the crossing, And, the bold wind blowing free, Her rufiled skirts were tossing Nearly half-way to her knee How she blushed with shame and terror, Striving wildly to repair With both hands the wind's mad error, And I mutely wondered where She this modesty had hidden When cavorting by the sea: All the world might gaze un- chidden From her ankle to her knee. Hi Wy A REMONSTRANCE BEFORE THE PARTY. Come, sistah, is yo" read; die brack useless, y z ’ ef yo" doan’ take dat ha'r down en ‘range it some ways different, I pulls it down, T yain't gwine t’ be took fer no twin.” UNDER THE EASTERN SPELL. DEVOTEE of Tolstoi who had been reading him aloud and was dying of the lockjaw ordered this ap- propriate inscription to be placed on his tombstone: “Died of a Russian spell, an exile in Siberia, at fifty de- grees below czero.” HUMAN NATURE. WIEN we would change misfortune’s flings Into an incubus We trouble most about the things That never trouble us. NINETY DEGREES IN THE DARK. Miss Timidde—" My gra- cious! I never heard anyth so loud as that thunder. Miss Cutting —" You evi- dently haven't heard Dolly Phastphace’s new driving cos tume.”" Y comicbooks.com