Judge — August 9, 1890 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

NOT ON THE PROGRAMME. Monster Lexarpo—" I could keep zis up all ze night, monsicurs and madames.” HUM OF THE COURT. TRADE. Democracy seem to be suffering from a sud- den attack of “Jealous Jim"-jams. WHAT THEY SAY along the coast—New Jersey was created first, and then Manhattan island was thought to be necessary as the finest winter resort. $sPjO YOU KNOW of anybody who would decline to be president of the United States?” asks Doctor Depew. Hear, hear! or. as we spell it in America, Here, here! HE “HUNT BREAKFASTS” given by Ward McAllister are at- tended with no bloodshed. Nothing is killed but a little time some fractions of the English language. Ks TE FIE “for love has c¢ D writes that song and sunshine fill her hapy The name of the the date of the occurrence are not given. F A HoT according to the composite advice of all the news- from the necessity of exertion, but you must get away from that. doing it. That may mez A LADY SAYS she never barks her shins when she goes around in the dark to get something for the baby is a grea he goes backward. It invention, but we have a bet- ter one. To wit, strike a light. * ARE PAINED to observe that Squedunk and Squash Meadow are quarreling over their respective pop- ions, and there is no hope of pe except. through war or the destruction of Robert P. Porter. A WRITER SAYS there is no city in the country in which as many dead- ly weapons are carried as Washington Perhaps that accounts for the fact that there is less notorious crime in Washing: ton than in any other city. In nine out of ten cases the man who tol will submit to a great deal of humili- ation before he use 1 when it goes off it frightens him half to death. ries a pis- Is NOT right in the New York Sun to mention the Albany Argus as the dullest paper, for there is a good deal of ability in its editorial columns ; but it is an absolute fact that the dr- gus keeps this verse at the head of its first page: Quite a solemn duty 4 it where'er you dwell Did the Lord ever before permit a new: paper poct to be so pathetic outside of the obituary department? CENE-PAINTER —"* Performance or no perform. ance, I ain't goin’ to be no human pin-cushion fer nobody !" ICH 1 SAYS to myself, says I, hafter I ‘ad the few vords vith Chaun- cey vich is in the court records, hif I hever ‘as to meet the man again I shall ‘ave to set me teeth on hedge an’ loosen me corshets.— V. Guelph. THE, BACHELORS of Baden have bound themselves not to marry any girl who plays the piano. It is a poor man who can't stop piano-playing during the nights of his courtship, and after marriage the thing is certain to stop itself. WE REALLY THINK that since the late war the United States has a right to reter to itself in the singular number. The editor who discusses the subject may put himself in the plural if he so de- sires; and he can even say “ourself” if he wants to have two com- bative syllables secede from each other with mutual indignation. T,, B. ALDRICH celebrated simultaneously his departure from Comedy and the Adantic Monthly, but promised the former to drop in on his way down town, He will probably stay with both assiduously because of the separation, That is always the way with poets of his uncertain years, They must have their lit- tle farewells, like the singers of the stage. . AMALGAMATION, San Francisco) —* You yellow rascal, you've been at the ¢ allee same for clomplexion, Wantee get olange-color ‘stead of yellow.” comicbooks.com