Judge — July 5, 1890 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SOME vords vos so oxpressive You catch on allewile, Dey rolls so smooth der moudt out You sphoke her mit a smile; Unt it vos nice in peesness, Uf drust you cannot grant, | You know yoost how it is mineself— | “T'd like to, but T can't.” Dot's easy for der masher Dot lugs aroundt a cane Unt vears a single eye-glass To brodect his single prain, Unt ven dem girls got veary Unt gife dot dude a shlant Dey vouldt saidt to his brobosals, “*T'd like to, but T can't.” Dot hurts nopody's feelings, You nefer dells a lie, It leafes dot under feller Yoost as embdy unt as dry. Dot safes his se -respectness, ‘gant Dose lankwitch el Voost shlides him oudt der grocery— “Td like to, but I can’t.’ Der bolitician’s got it Ven dem vard-vorkers call, Exsockly so mit peer unt cash Unt girls unt eferyding, Dot's queer how hope unt bleasur Flows upward like a shpring : But somehow de:> vos failures, Choy vas a vilted blant, Unt eferypody shmiles unt says, “T'd like to, but I can't.” Dem shtrokes deir vest unt vhiskers t dem all es; dem got big inflooence, pur braises dey vill chant, nby you Kot dis letter, Vad like to, but T can't.” Unt shakes hands ON THE FOURTH. ACK sat on the piazza smoking a cigar. I joined him. A parcel of mothers were gathered together in the front yard watching their of whom belonged to Jack. They were making a t. Pin-wheels swished against the blackened gate-posts, powder-crackers spit and snapped, sky-rockets bunged through the air, and the youngsters squealed with delight. Now and then a fright- ened “Oh!” from one of the mothers could be heard above the din. “What are you laughing at, Pete?” said Jack, as I threw my head back and gave vent to the most uproarious laughter. “Well, to tell the truth,” said 1 to my innocent companion, "I thinking of a fourth respective kids, perfect rac! and I again laughed. Fire away,’ “Well, to visit my cousin Jane. Roman candles and s! package were there. posite me in the st into: artist dead on the spot. small Ik ing awfully ward ; so I set off a fire which she was sitting. bias-like, and dropped into face. Mk. ARONSON (t ha : 1 clutched est) —" Tervinkel, t hand. VD LIKE TO, BUT | CAN'T. of July experience [once had with an auburn-haired id Jack very appropriately. ut see,” answered I, “a new girl came I was completely gone in half an hour after the introduction. go sailing on the night of the glorious fourth. A fine lunch I stowed away in the bow of the boat. rockets a gether in the stern, and powder. The evening arrived. ch Clarissa sat the witching girl, Her eyes were bright, her checks pink cating auburn bang would have knocked an After an hour or so of mine period I thought I would fr little bit, so that I might console and pet her after- cracker under the seat on riana Johnson! With a noise like a rebel yell she shot up two feet in the air, that denationalized my soul. I made a dive for her, and just reached her . and the stru; ped again to the bottom lea I soon again observed an object shining in the moonlight and I grabbed her just in time. I hauled her into the boat and gave her my handkerchief with which to mop her face. She clapped it on her head in a jiffy and tied it under her chin. 1 then flipped the wig toward her. It landed on the overturned lunch-bor. Such a mess! Divorced slices of bread and ham lay strewn in the bottom of the much-bedraggled Clarissa. Cookies swollen to twice their normal size decorated the sides of the sarsa- parilla bottles. The Edam cheese that I prided myself on rolled hither and thither among the other stuff like something demented. Not a word was spoken between us. Mutually shocked, we sat like mummies. | landed her at the boat-house and as she stepped upon the boards she turned and said, ‘ For heaven's sake, Mr. Waterman, if you have any charity in your heart, any honor in your soul, swear that you will never divulge what has happened this evening.” She looked so drizzly, faded-out and woe-begone I promised faithfully never to speak of it to a human soul, and of course I never have.” Jack looked at me curiously for a moment, then he said: * My, my! that's the reason then you'd never get married.” I smiled good-naturedly, lit another cigar, said good-night to Jack and strolled down to see my fiancée and tell her the joke I had played on Ja IONE L. JONES, HOUGHL actors may quarrel, Howe'er they may rage ‘They are sure to ‘make up” When they go on the stage. A TRIE :Lt (about fo pop)—"* Do you ever ponder on futurity, Mrs. Gorham ?” “I haven't thought much about it yet. ‘The Sub- urban took every cent I could rake and scrape, and my horse was distanced.” 1 invited her to cuddled to- kers by the Op- and her near the will-you-be- hten her just a the water with a thud She arose to the sur- zgling owner drop- ing the wig in my FE RLY CURIOS ve Hot timond, fader 7”