Judge — May 24, 1890 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE SPORTIVE MONKEY AND THE SLEEPY TOUCAN. AN AMAZONIAN TRAGEDY, 1. THE Monk —"'If that isn’t a toboggan-slide, I'm a turtle! 4 4. "Once more for a record !" DIDN’T QUITE CATCH ON. THE man who stutters comes in at the last mo- ment. He is a wit, and, like all philosophers who go by that syllable, enjoys his own as well as others’ discomfiture. “Ah,” says the editor, “that last batch you sent us had some delightful things in it. I have, however, just ten minutes to reach my boat. Good-bye !” The man who stutters is a little slow as to his hearing as well as his speech. “ Ye-yes,” he says. “I thethink that story about Mrs, S-s-mith was p-p-p-ticul-lar-larly.g-good.”” Fatal moment! ‘The editor says, gathering his traps for departure, “H'm! don’t recall it just at this moment, But good-bye.” Y-yes, you do,” says the man who stutters, with great confidence. “Mu-must recall it if y" rere-read it! Del-delightful w-wit and m-most e- excellent humor. Ve-very sh-short. Mrs. S-smith g-going to evening p-party, v-ve-very Llavishly dressed in—in—in n-n-nothing par-par-particular, y’ know. “Ah, yes,” says the editor, squeezing the hand of the man who stutters and again uttering good-byes. “Got to go at once, old fellow, or have to stay all night in town. Remember the story very well in- deed. Capital—capital “Yeyes,” says the man who stutters, “I kn-knew you'd Llike it. Wh-wh-when S-s-smith ‘our finger-ring—y'-y'-y might c-c-catch c-cold,’ and M-M-Mrs. S-smith says, ‘D-darn it, I've gegot it!" What!" says the editor, in a state of extreme doubt and perturba- tion and with an aspect of profound despair— the cold ?” an who stutters, with grieved surprise—“ th-th’ gymnasium.” finger- 2, ——" Just keep an eye on me, 7. Tue Tovcan—"* That'll do; T ain't no 3. ——" Jumping up the hill again is just How's that?” SOP exercise. 6, ——" Ber-r-r-r-rgh—wow !” “Blazes!” says the editor, snatching at his watch and rushing out. “Guess I've missed that boat.” S-seems t’ me,” says the man who stutters, looking after him with mingled astonishment and regret, “‘h-he di-didn't c-catch the p-p-point. Acts as '{ th'-th’ j-joke ‘d s-scared ‘im off.” THE FLY ON IT. (With apologies to the Chicago Herald, et al.) [FA PUN were a punishable crime How happy we should be. If poot dialect were not used for good rhyme How happy we should be. If editors only would sit right down On efforts that come from an idealess crown, "Twould call forth a jubilee all around town— But alas! for you and for me. ARISTINE ANDERSON, IT BRINGS ITS OWN PUNISHMENT. Sympathetic old lady —*What is the little boy crying for?” Small boy —" He was kicked by three big boys who were play- ing ball.” Sympathetic old lady —"Did he do anything to the big boys to make them injure him?” Small boy—""No; he was just umpirin’ the game; that’s all.” REQUIRES REAL COURAGE, Gazzam—"The census enumerators will have to be very brave men.” Bunting —* Why?” Gazzam —" They will have to go right up to women and ask how old they are.” comicbooks.com