Judge — May 17, 1890 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE PRETTY DIPLOMAT. [ KNOW her by her empire gown, Her wrinkled gloves, her stylish jacket ; By certain features like my own, ‘And ways perhaps as diplomatic ; And when she enters at the door I drop my correspondence pressing And, like some leisured man of yore, Devote myself to shrewdly guessing. She pities me, this maiden fair ; She steals her velvet arm around me ; She tells me I had died of care Unless she happily had found me. She kisses me—but tho’ I know ‘The price of such adroit caresses I can't refuse her well, and so Dole out the cash for hats and dresses She says I am a saint. A truth she hits—a truth she misses ; But who could such a girl repel With all her smiles and hugs and kisses? Ah, well! And somehow, tho’ it robs my purse, And T must turn and scrimp and manage. T do not think I'm much the worse, Or that my soul will suffer damage. I'd do the same if she again Flew at me with that face ecstatic, And work till midnight to maintai My daughter fair and diplomatic, Hany ADAMS TURWER, HUMOR BY THE FOOT. 46] HAVE noticed,” remarked Dolley, “that the women who have the smallest feet po s also the most acute sense of humor.” “1 wonder why?" replied Miss Amy, coyly pushing her foot for- ward a trifle. “Because brevity is the sole of wit.” MODERN CHARITY. Come yere, Bill—jest look at this money! We'll have a big spree here to-night. Now hand me the bottle above ye— Here's that makes the heart—and head—light. Drink hearty ! the night is soon over ; In the day splendid sleepin’ I find On me wood-bench, me eyes bandaged skillful And a card on me, “Please help the blind !" TO SUIT ALL CUSTOMERS. Female agent—"\ am taking orders for cheerful mottoes for the home, madam.” Worzan (sharply) —*1 don’t want none of your cheerful mottocs.’ Female agent —* Then perhaps you would like to look at some of my choice gloomy mottoes. I have some of the most depressing and melancholy designs ever shown.” The point JUDGE A POPULAR SPORT IN INDIA. 87 WELL CONNECTED se YOU may not know, sir," remarked Thirsty Blcssom, the tramp, to the man who kicked him off the front porch, “that I am related to the czar of Russia?” “I don’t care who you are related to, Git!" ; and in that I prove my connection with majesty. I'm a ONE THING LACKING. YOU say your bride is rich—that's so; And beautiful—I'll not say no; And has good judgment—that's not true, Or she had ne'er made choice of you. ON A DOWN-TOWN CROSSING. Mrs, AHEARN—‘Av me ould mother in Ballycomgallagh, Shligo, cud only see'me now she'd hov a fit wid phride !” THE RULING PASSION. ‘THE conversation had turned on a very stingy man, “Yes,” said some one; “he’s so mean that when he gets to the bad place he'll say to the imp that is preparing to-roast him ‘Now, my friend, don't waste the wood in that reckless fashion; I'd burn with the half you're sticking on.’ YOUR BETTER HALF. WHEN she finds out you play the races She thinks it is a dreadful sin, And says such wickedness debases, Unless, my boy, you chance to win, Ka The snap shot. comicbooks.com