Judge, 1890-05-10 · page 13 of 16
Judge — May 10, 1890 — page 13: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page is primarily **advertisements** with one satirical story titled "He Hardly Knew Beans." The story mocks pretentious Boston intellectuals and their obsession with vegetarianism as a marker of refined, philosophical living. A Boston girl tests her suitor's worthiness by interrogating his vegetable preferences, treating dietary choices as spiritually significant. The joke's absurdity peaks when she nearly rejects him for omitting beans—apparently the ultimate "brain-nourishing" vegetable for proper vegetarians. The satire targets: snobbish New England intellectuals, vegetarian ideology presented as affected and ridiculous, and the tendency to make trivial matters into tests of compatibility and moral character. The resolution—both declaring beans central to their lives—mocks how easily such "principled" people compromise when romance is at stake. The punchline: their shared passion for beans (mundane, lowbrow) contradicts their pretensions to refined vegetarian philosophy.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
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THE GREATEST DELICACY. THE RAREST DAINTY, Sold by all best Grocers and Drugs. Ymported by F. A. REICHARD, Charles W. Nolen, Wholesale Agent, 118 Chestnut Sty Philadephia, | HE HARDLY KNEW BEANS. “ Mr, Brodweigh,” said the lovely Boston girl, a flush mounting her pale forchead and her voice’ trembling slightly, “'I will not deny that your avowal moves me strangely. I cannot disguise the fact that my heart pleads for you. But in matters that involve the whole future happiness of two human beings no step should be lightly taken. Mr. Brodweigh,” she continued, soft- ly wiping her spectacles, ‘* while I'should not look’ upon your residence in another city as a wholly insurmounta- ble barrier to our union, there are, nevertheless, other things to be considered. ' You are not aware, possibly, that {am a vegetarian?” indeed?” exclaimed the young man, de- “ Why, soam I! Miss Howjames—my own dear Emersonia, “One moment, Mr. Brodweigh. It may seem trivial to you, but is, I am persuaded, a matter of vital impor- tance that we should entertain harmonious views in par- ticulars as well as generals. Pardon me, but what are your preferences among vegetables?” ‘The young man's arms dropped to his side again, “The vegetables to which Tso er Saad replied, ‘are soraatocs, cabbeges, taruipa, rice, rutaba: gas, egg-plant, bects, sweet corn, peas, potatoes, lettuce, pars T also cat a great deal of ‘oatmeal and cracked wheat. “Nothing else, Mr. Brodweigh?” Howjames anxiously. course I use all the peel fruits,” he said, “I consider apples, peach pes, melons, cherries, currants, ard bervics of all Kinds as really veg: etables.” “You have omitted from your list nothing that— that seems to you peculiarly and distinctively brain nourishing and—and—representatively vegetarian in itself?" she said with an effort. “Nothing that I can think of ; I have mentioned all the varieties, I think, that I—but why this agitation, Miss Howjames? Are you ill? Have I""— “ Mr. Brodweigh,” faintly spoke the young lady, ‘*in the agony of this disappointment, the keenest that I have ever felt, and whose bitterness you, too, must share" — “Emersonia Howjames !" he exclaimed in a thrilling voice, a light breaking in upon him, ‘did I forget to mention beans? Did I omit beans? Why, beans, my darling, are my very life !" She fell into his outstretched arms; they mingled their tears of ecstasy together, and New’ York and Bos- ton again communed in spirit, as they have done once in a great while from the beginning, do occasionally even now, and probably ever shall do at rare intervals, world without end.—Chicago Tribune, inquired Miss THOSE CHICAGO LADIES who attended Professor Pfau's CooKING CLAsses dur- ing the past winter formed a very favorable impression of his culinary knowledge and skill, and no doubt profit- ed by his instruction, It is interesting, therefore, to know what the professor thinks of Armour's Extract of Beef. He writes us as follows, under date March 24, 1890: ‘I used your Extract during my last course of cooking. There is no better in the market in regard to strength and flavor, and I cheerfully recommend the same to all families who wish to make rich soups and sauces, It is much cheaper than the meat stock and always ready.” The LIFE and FLAVOR of the beef are retained by our process and not BURNED OUT. AN EPITAPH, ‘Though Tommy's ever careful sire In caution oft had drilled hi Poor Tommy touched a living wire— ‘Two thousand volts then thrilled him. He now has joined the heavenly choir, And never knew what killed him, ON EASY PAYMENTS: —Munsey's Weekly. makes,new of 24 BICYCLES. x snuaedy ‘Cow, $1 G Bt. Peoria MUTUAL THE BEST UF INSURANCE AT THE LEAST COS MODERN METHODS Home OrFice. PHILA.Pa © oF GREENWAY FRO a MACise NY © bebe Corvricutep. Inside arrangement of desk be changed at will to suit any ea ot nen vail di mt Ta ad: eee OFFICE ‘DESKS ‘AND FINTURES ‘OF "ALL KINDS an factor WM. 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