Judge — April 12, 1890 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

+ (feebly) — JUDGE in CARL PRETZEL'S PHILOSOPHY. Don'd fergot to oxpect less of der vordit dhen dot vordlt he can afford to gif you, Efery feller is tickled his outsides in to found him some apology for indulgin’ his leedle oxcendricidies. Fame may gif much plaindy praise, but at der same time don'd did’ sometimes gif yoost quite so much esh- teems, When Baby was sick, we gave her Castoria, When she was a Child, she cried for Castoria. When she became Miss, she clung to Castoria, When she bad Children, she gave them Castoria, Chauncey Chase (captain of the hunt—severely)— “There! I knew just what would happen when Pon- sonby invited that Englishman to join us.” Ponsonby Why, captain, he's a regular fox-hunter, and "—— Chauncey Chase (savagely)— ‘I know it! He has killed our fox and broken up the club."—Lippincott's Monthly. Mrs, Wixstow’s SooTitine SvruP for Children Teething ; soothes the child, softens the gums, allays all pain, cures wind colic and diarrhea, "25 cents a bottle. A TALE OF WHOA, I'm a street-car horse on the avenue, My skin is thin and my bones show through ; “*All flesh is grass,” so the scriptures say, But mine ain't built in the scriptural way. ‘There ain't no oats in my stomach, you see, The only place where the oats ought to be ; I've corns on my shoulders, as ugly and sore ‘As martyrs’ sufferings in days of yore ; My knees are skinned on the cobbled street Until there's a string of old horse meat Between the tracks, so rough and hard, From Georgetown clean to the navy yard ; And I don’t care when the time comes ‘round ‘To put us horses under the ground ; For it's plain to me we'll all be dead If they still continue us over head And ears in the work we've got to do As street-car horses on the avenue. —Washington Star. Have you used Packer's Tar Soap for the Complexion or Shamponing ? Its use is a luxury; imp. healthful skin and vigorous Skin Diseases ; Druggists. (2/-For simple mention Judge, and send 4 stamps to Tue Packer M'r'¢ Co,, 100 Fulton St, N.Y YOUMANS CELEBRATED HATS. Style and Quality Unequaled. 180—719—1107 Broadway. i clear, soft, smooth, Kit; cures Dandruff and prevents Chapping. 25 cents. All THE CELEBRATED PIANOS Aro at present the Most Popular and Preferred by Leading Artists, Warerooms, 149, 151, 153, 155 Eust 14th St, W.Y. SOHMER & CO. Pa. 138 Chestnut Street: Cutcaco, Tut ax6 ~Union Chub Butidin YUBA DAM MANUFACTURED SOLY BY W.BARKER.TRov.nv. 25% ASK YOUR DEALER FOR IT ON SPRING. The ‘Expressionist of the Buffalo Express puts in his column the following Now that spring is here the Expressionist will dash off a little poem that he wrote last November. It goes The robin's here, the sun is bright, ‘That same old crocus come to light, “The grass-blades murmur in the breeze, And leaves are bursting on the trees, Oh! happy, lovely time of year Is balmy spring with summer near. VERSE II The sky is blue, so is my mind ; My house-rent money is behi Now is the time for annual dues, And all the children want new shoes, Dear me! what's all this fuss about? If I made years I'd leave spring out. For the third time little Tommy Figg had asked his father what was the cause of the desert of Sahara. nally the old man laid down his paper and answered, reckon it was formed when the Israelites lost their sand ; and if you don't quit asking me so many questions I'll see that your mother puts you to bed before I get home hereafter.” ‘* But, paw, how can you see her put me to bed if she puts me'to bed before you get home?" And that question was ‘Tommy's last—for that evening.— Terre Haute Express. “Throw physic to the dogs,” and use Angostura Bit- ters for good digestion and a healthy appetite. Sole M'frs, Dr. J.G. B. Siegert & Sons. Ask your druggist. The other day a seedy gentleman dropped into a cheap clothing establishment. “He nosed around a while, and finally laid his hands upon a coat and vest of loud color and coarse texture.‘ How much?" he said, laconically, “Dre dollars.” ‘Three dollars! ‘That's ‘too much. “* Dot vos sheap, mein freund. Dot vas a goot goat und vest.” ‘Are they wool?” The proprietor held up his hands, ‘Are they voll?" he repeated. ‘So help me gracious, mein freund, dey vas all voll oxcept the putton- holes !"—Detroit Tribune. BLOOD, BRAWN AND BRAIN are naturally nourished and stimulated by a morning dish of ‘Rex Wheat.” Contains all the nutritious s of finest wheat and the “Vegetable Phos- ** so essential to brain-workers, What are you here for, dear little miss? ‘To ape the air of a'social queen? To punish pianos in sharps and fats? ‘o keep well posted on base-ball bats? ‘To wear dead singers on ten-dollar hats? To fondle pet poodles or Maltese cats? Dissect your neighbors in social chats? Work impossible flowers on crocheted mats And not to be, but to be seen? Look out, little girl! You are starting the life Of a worthless maid and a worthless wife. —Binghamton Republican, THE KAISER'S FAVORITE Champagne is ‘* Cabinet Sekt,” of Kloss & Foerster, Freyburg. ‘Thomsen & Co., 87 Wall st., sole agents. “Yes, John’s a brute!" remarked emphatically a Mt. Hope avenue lady to her sister-in-law last evening. John was the speaker's husband.‘ Why, what's the | matter with John now?” asked the sister-in-law in. sur- prise. ‘You remember when you were visiting up at | the house yesterday how nicely the baby began to walk? | Well, I kept him practicing and he could go it alone like a good fellow by evening. Well, when John came home I rushed up to him and said, ‘Ah, John, the baby | can walk!" What do you suppose he said?" sure I can’t tell,” answered the bewildered sister-in-law. “He just said, ‘Good! He can walk the floor with himself at night now. I'm glad of a change.'"—Koch- ester Union, HE NEW HOLLENDES, of Cleveland, Ohio, is the ‘most magnificent hotel in’ the west. American and European plans. “re, | TOO BAD. Ardennes Jones-Foster has written verses and some Title prose philosophy which, are given to the world in a dainty volume by Charles T. Dillingham. We judge, after an unsatisfactory perusal of some portions of the Yolume, that the writer approves of voluptuoes inno- cence in the beginning, and regrets that, owing to un- fortunate fastidiousness on the part of the public, it is never permitted to come to some good end. Pape (cried a little 7-year-old)— ** I want some money “Don't go any further,” he interrupted, throwing down a coin, ‘The child came slowly up to him, after pocketing the coin, and barely touched his cheek with a kiss.“ Humph'!” ejaculated the parent, “from the kiss you gave I should judge that ‘you don't appreciate it much.” She caught hold of his hands and looking squarely into his eyes, solemnly said, * Do you expect a ten-dollar kiss for fifty cents NEW KODAKS “You press the button, we do the rest.” Seven New Styles and Sizes, Transparent _Films. For sale by all Photo. Stock Dealers. THE EASTMAN COMPANY, Send for Catalogue, Rochester, N. Y. HOW MUCH DIS- COMFORT CAN BE SAVED BY A GOOD SOAP mCOLGATES SHAVING SOAP For sample send 2 cts. box 645, New York, VERY BEST ALL-TOBACCO CIGARETTES On tho Market. SMOKE XO OTHER Consolidated Cigarette ave Dad eb 8 Spring Styles! ESPENSCHEID’S Celebrated Hats. Inustrated circular giving diree- tions How to Order,” prices, cte., mailed free on application.”” ury, and not a low-priced article, | 16 First-prize Medals. PREMIERE QUALITE CIGARETTE. SUPERB ARTICLE. The standard of purity and excellence. The. faultless union of two matchless tobaccos prevents that dryness of the throat usually produced by smoking other brands, prejudice to prevent you from giving this incomparable cigarette a trial. Do not allow It is simply perfection, and a lux- Our Vanity Fair and other smoking mixtures are the finest for the pipe. Wm. S. KIMBALL & Co,