Judge — April 12, 1890 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MEHITABLE PRIM. ENILTABLE PRIM was a maiden slim, BA As chill as a graven stone, 40 As straight as an unbent poplar limb, As hard as a piece of bone, Her eyes were gray, but never a twink — You might touch her cneek with a loving kiss, Of pleasure was in them cast ; But she'd never kiss back, nor say She'd sit by the window pane and think, Why all of her life had lost its bliss And think, till the day was past, Like a phantom that's old and gray. An old maid drifting her sands in dreams Down the rills where others have basked, She had never embarked upon love's streams— Because she had never been asked. NO ACTORS WANTED HERE. ILLAIN (black-bearded of course) crept out upon the stage, and w: aloft a thin shect-iron stiletto, made his way to where the innocent gur-r-l lay peacefully sleeping. “Yah-ha !" he exclaimed in a husky voice with low r gs around it,“she is now in my : power.” A BUSINESS PROPOSITION. Atthis mo- G. —‘Gimme a nickel, boss, an’ you gits der lifters fer five ment Willie minutes. Percival, the maiden’s lover, burst into the room with heavy mechanical treads about three feet apart. Drawing a tin sword, he cried in a horse-radish voice, “Tam here!” ‘ “So am I,” coolly responded the villain, as he broke a ir with his stiletto. The good people of Huskingville gazed on the thrilling scene with bulging eyes and throbbing hearts. All except the manager on the back seat expected the lover would wipe up the floor with the vill er putting on his rubber boots and wading through the gore, would clasp ie in his arms.and say to that fainting form, “ Look up, me darling; it is your Willie. But alas, it was not so. Contrary to all tradition and in direct opposition to Hanke: that you could learn (care ter ike fore thay enue nowt: Huskingville's wishes, the villain slew the lover and made off with the girl, who His HocsexenreR—"'I'm sorry you ain't satisfied, sir: but I'm shamelessly presented him with a cloth bouquet. doin’ th’ best | can on twelve dollars a month. The curtain fell. Such an ending completely knocked out the ther c=! business” in“ husings ville, and after that night nobody but two blind men and a boy who had fits could be induced to witness the performan istent_mana- gers continued to present. They finally gave it up, and.the theatre was sold and turned into a cheese factory. Whe: play is spokeim>ot, Huskingville people shudder as they remember the memora- ble night when evil triumphed; and now their excesses are restricted to jubilee singers and faro. WASTED SENTIMENT. Op Mr. Stour (in an effort to propose) —" Do you think, Miss ACCOMMODATING. DEBTOR AND CREDITOR. “Twant to know when you're a-goin’ to pay this here bill. I can’t be a-runnin’ here every day in the week.” would suit you best ?” Wal aul Well, then, you may come every Saturday.” Ot He ne IN THE SPRING. YOUR wife expects you now to be Of every trade a jack ; So when you're shaking carpets see ‘The wind be at your back, QUITE IMPOSSIBLE. Smith —* She is the most charming woman 1 ever met. We have the utmost affection for each other, and you know that my domestic situation is not pleas ‘ones —* Let me see. Your wife is fifty and you are fifty-five. Well, I pity you. A woman advanced in years is not a fit companion for a man of your inclinations. Why don’t you get a divorce?” Smith—"X divorce! My dear s the sheriff of the city and coun AunT—" Yes, Maudie, dear, heaven is a place of everlasting bliss, but what must the ou take other place be?" . y of New York ? Maupir—"' I don't know, auntie, unless it’s a place of everlasting blister.” do you take me for comicbooks.co